“Sometimes I don’t wanna wake up alone…Then sometimes I wanna wake up and be on my own…Sometimes I don’t wanna walk by and smile…but at the same time I don’t wanna let people down…”
I had gotten so much done in the last two weeks…Dance 1: LA was back in order with the help of Mark. I had hired B Shaw to oversee the operations cause he was a perfect fit and I knew I could trust him! CBE was family and we always looked out for each other so I knew my kids were finally in good hands! Me and Janina had found some condos in San Francisco and had started the paperwork for that and I was so excited. I was definitely makin moves. When I got back to LA… Me, Chris, Mark and Tina all met with the investors I had found and actually inked a deal for Chris’s development company! CBE was now OFFICIAL!! I was hesitant when Chris said that he wanted me to be the COO and A&R…I mean I had to be realistic that this meant total commitment to basically him forever because well I was also an investor. I wasn’t sure I was ready to handle the responsibility on top of my other ventures. But after several convincing talks he persuaded me to see WHY NOT DO IT ALL!…I had nothin to stand in my way but my fear! I mean I believed in him and his vision! I knew that he was one day goin to be a force to be reckoned with in the music industry once again…I also knew he had a great eye and ear for talent…So me bein me I was down to ride…CBE 4 LIFE it was!!!
Even with all the amazing things that I had going… I was extremely proud that Chris was stickin to his probation and knockin out his DV classes even with havin to travel back and forth from LA to VA every week while he was tryin to record. His first progress hearin went well so that was definitely a plus. He was also settin up dates for his Fan Appreciation Tour for TEAM BREEZY and his fans. It was extremely hard to see him have to fight to get venues…But I told him we would have to think outside the box and book venues that were maybe not in the major tour paths…Reach the fans that have never been able to see him in concert because of their location and He loved it! I loved work with him on things…we just understood each other… I had to admit there was nothin like workin with your BEST FRIEND!
I hadn’t expected to run into my old childhood boyfriend/bestfriend, LaRon while I was in San Fran. Me, him and Mijo grew up together on the block til he moved when he got out of juvie after he helped Mijo beat my Stepdad down when we were 13. It had been sooo long since I seen him. He had just graduated college and was an investment banker in LA now. I couldn’t believe “Lil Thug Life” had went on the straight and narrow…Cause him and Mijo were definitely some badasses! I was taken aback by how sexy he turned out. Even Janina saw it! He was the most beautiful 6’0…athletically built…clean cut…light brown eyed…lightly freckled faced Puerto Rician and Black man I had ever seen! I mean he was fine when we got together at 11 but we were 11! HA! But LAAAWD he was now a grown ass man! It was crazy cause we recognized each other immediately as Me and Janina were walkin out the hotel to leave town. He had the brightest smile. We talked for a few minutes and exchanged numbers. I was thrown off by the butterflies that I was feelin in my stomach as he gave me another hug and kissed me on my cheek! Janina even giggled! I told him I would call him when I got back to LA so we could catch up…He is an old friend…nothing wrong with that…I mean Chris has them everywhere…he will understand…Right?
After a week of bouncin from LA to VA to LA again I was ready to have some fun….I hadn’t been goin out cause well Chris wanted to make sure I didn’t get too fucked up. So yea I was bored out my mind! I mean I loved the studio…and I had wrote some songs that I was hopin to shop around…but ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH! I needed to do somethin to relax me and all Chris could think of was not leavin the either the studio or the bedroom…which I wasn’t mad about the bedroom part! He had been extra horny lately like he was in another place…it seemed that sex was always on his mind…I mean I didn’t mind it cause I could handle ALL of it…but I don’t know..Something was definitely different. Even the way he approached it was raunchier…Just nasty! Well I wasn’t mad about that either! HA! I just noticed a change on top of his constant textin…that was definitely startin to annoy me tho. I mean I’m not one to bitch if you on your phone…hell it’s your phone just don’t say shit when I’m on mine…but it was excessive lately…I asked him about it and he said it was business…I didn’t fully believe him but I left it alone.
“Where you bout to go?” Chris said rollin away from the program table.
“Gonna go down to Dance 1 and see the class…Shaw said they are doin so good!” I said grabbin my bag and checkin my texts: LaRon.
“Word!…Shit I got to finish this song…Then Lonny and Charlie are comin…We gonna work on CRAWL.” He said adjustin his hat.
“Well its cool…Think I’m gonna get some dance in myself…I miss it.” I said makin a pouty face and puttin my phone in my purse.
“Aww…I know you do Baby.” He said standin up and walkin over to me.
“Yea….I need a freestyle session…and it’s been forever since we have done one Mr. Brown!” I said lightly hittin him in the chest.
“Yea I know…That would be so dope right now.” He said wrappin his arms around me.
“Well come with me.” I said givin him the pouty eyes.
“Babe you know I gotta finish this song…” He said kissin me. “We can get it in tomorrow ok?” He said tappin my butt.
“Ok…Fine it’s your lost.” I said smilin and pullin away.
“Don’t worry I’mma dance circles around you tomorrow girl…Woo!” He said doin a MJ kick and crotch grab. SO SILLY!
“Whatever….Ok I’m out …I’ll call you later to see if your still here.” I said feelin my phone buzz in my purse.
“Aight…Love you.” He said sittin back down.
“Love you too.” I said smilin and walkin out the studio.
When I got to the car I pulled my phone out. I had a missed call. I checked it: LaRon. I dialed.
“Hey Gorgeous!” He said bubbly into the phone.
“Hey how you doin?” I said nervously.
“I’m fine…Hey were we still on for the dance studio.” He said happily.
“Of course I’m headed that way now.” I said pullin out the parkin lot.
“Ok…I’m here already.” He said. WHAT???
“Seriously?..Oh..ok…I’m on my way!” I said speedin down the street.
“Ok I’m here then…Bye.” He said before hangin up.
I pulled to Dance 1 and the parkin lot was completely empty but cream colored Benz. I slowly got out the car as he walked over and gave me the biggest hug. I could have melted right the! And he was smellin damn good. I had a wave of guilt wash over me as Chris’s face popped in head. I had to keep my feelins in check…
“So you really own this?” LaRon said followin behind me as I flipped on the lights.
“Yep…I actually own 4 more.” I said puttin down my bag and walkin to the stereo.
“Damn girl look at you…all that dancin paid off…Remember when we used to dance in that troop with…uh…uh Omari…Well Omarion now…but yea.” He said stretchin.
DAMN HE LOOKED GOOD!
“Yea…I used to do back up work for him.” I said nervously.
“Word! Ya’ll still in touch?” He said surprised. WHERE YOU BEEN LIVIN UNDER…A ROCK?
“Yea…that’s my brother…Our families are still close so I see him all the time.” I said stretchin.
“For real…Yea I used to battle with him all the time…I also used think he liked you..” He said shyly.
“What?…Oh hell no…That is my brother…just like Mijo!” I said laughin and stretchin some more.
“Well I’m a guy and I could tell he was feelin you…Play brother or not!” He said laughin.
“You crazy…Nothin has ever went down with us…He just always looked out for me til he blew up…We got back close when I was dancin back up for him like 3 years ago.” I said walkin back to the stereo.
“Ok…ok…I’m just sayin those were my thoughts….So who all have you done back up for?” He said walkin to the mirror. DAMN WHY?
“Um…A few people…Ciara, O, Lloyd, Pleasure P for awhile…um but I worked for Chris Brown for 3 years.” I said wantin to change the subject before he wanted to know more. “So are you all stretched out?”
“Uh yea yea….Wow those are all cool people…You work for Chris Brown…Man I’m big fan of his!” He said excited. “He like the next MJ as far as dance go… I can’t knock him at all!”
“Yea…He is gonna be one of the greats for sure…” I said nervously. I pushed play on Keri’s Cd and Turnin Me On came on.
“Yea he is…and I don’t believe all that Ri’hanna bullshit…I think the bitch hit him.” He said nonchantly.
“You have no idea…” I mumbled to myself. “Yea…Who knows.” I said to him.
“Aye aint Mijo like his homie…I seen him on TV a couple times with him?” He questioned further.
NIGGA IS THIS A CHRIS BROWN INTERVIEW????
“Yea…Yea that’s his best friend…they uh…met through me cause me and Mijo are still fam.” I said nervously
“Oh so you still see Mijo…Shit let him know I said what’s up!” He said smilin.
“Ok…I will.” I said finally giving into the questions.
“Wow so you and Chris are cool like that then?” He said cautiously.
“Yea…That’s my homie from way back before he was signed.” I explained. YA TURNIN ME OFF!
“WORD!…And he never got witchu…Cause ain’t no way I could be around you and not at least try.” He smiled genuinely.
“Well…um…” Just then I heard Superhuman playin from my purse: BABY. THANK GOD…NO WAIT…OH SHIT!
I didn’t know if I should go answer it…I mean if I didn’t Chris was just gonna call right back…But then I looked at LaRon and he had an expression of “Are you gonna get that?” and I felt stuck! FUCK!
“Uh…Excuse me real quick.” I said goin to my purse and gettin my phone. He hung up. SHIT!
I contemplated on just ignorin it…I mean I did have LaRon right in front of me which made me feel guilty as hell..But I hadn’t done anything wrong…We were just talkin…About Chris at that! So why do I feel guilty? I put my phone back down. And walk back over to LaRon
“So you ready to get started?” I smiled.
“Oh yea…Fa sho!” He said getting into position. “I’m following your lead.” He said smiling.
After an hour of dancin our asses off I was done….I hadn’t dance that hard in so long! It actually felt good! LaRon still had skills…I didn’t want to say it but he could definitely keep up with Chris! Before we ended he decided to do some freestyle dancin…and it weirded me out cause it was JUST LIKE WATCHIN CHRIS! I was blown away…HE WAS THAT GOOD! I had to stop myself from cheerin and smiling hard!
“Damn you are dope!” I said comin over to him.
“Aw…I try…This is just shit I do in my spare time.” He said shyly. SO HUMBLE.
“Well you definitely could persue it professionally…I mean you could still keep your day job too you know.” I encouraged.
“Hmm…I might have to keep that in mind…Hey I would love to come and check out your kids…I was lookin to get in to some volunteer work and well if you would have me this would be perfect!” He said smilin.
“Of course…You can come down anytime I will let Shaw know all the details…and I know he would love to have help…Especially after he see your skills!” I said tappin him on the arm.
“Great…Hey uh I got a basketball game tomorrow…Why don’t you and Mijo come by check it out…Gotta see my homie!” he said wipin the sweat of with his towel. DAAAMN!
“Uh…yea yea I will let him know…We will definitely come through.” I said grabbin my bag.
“Cool …Cool…Well look like we should get outta here it’s late and I gotta get up early.” He said grabbin his bag.
“Yea…let me got hit the lights and I’ll be right there.” I said walkin to my office.
Once I got to the office I realized I had mail so grabbed it off the desk. When I turned around LaRon was right in front of me…WHOA! I jumped a little and that’s when walked up on me…grabbed my face and kissed me. I was gonna pull back but his lips felt so good I couldn’t resist. I was screamin at myself in my head DON’T DO IT HELENA! But my body wasn’t lettin me move. Before I knew he had picked me up and placed me on top of the desk and was kissin me deeper. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN HELENA? He was all over me and before I knew it my shirt was up and over my head and he was slippin off my sports bra…My mind was gone…I had never been this attracted to someone besides Chris so this was definitely out of my character. He pushed me back on the desk and began suckin and lickin mmy breast…It felt so good I didn’t stop him. After a few minutes he slid my tights and thong down and pushed my legs up. WHOA! WAIT! Before I could protest he dived right in! OH GOD! My head was spinnin and it was crazy cause it felt Justas good as Chris!…..WAIT OH GOD CHRIS. I opened my eyes and realized what the fuck I was lettin happen and I had to stop! He gripped my hips tighter and went in harder and it took my breath away. I began moanin loudly and it seem to give him more motivation cause it was like he turned into a mad man and was suck the life right out of my damn pussy! SHIIIT! I felt myself about to reach the edge…and truthfully it felt so good I didn’t want him to stop anymore….He kept goin and after a few more licks…My back arched and I yelled out so loud the business across the street could have heard! DAAAAAAAMNN!
It took me a second to catch my breath…I could believe this just happened. I looked up at him as he stood up and wiped his face with his shirt and smiled at me sexy like. WHAT THE HELL? I smiled back nervously…cause I was hopin he wasn’t gonna try and get any. But he didn’t he slid my thong and tights up and grab my bra and handed it to me.
WHAT THE FUCK?
“You tasted just as good as I imagined…Waited a long time to do that.” He said slyly as he handed me my shirt. WHAT?
“Wow…” Was all I could think to say out of shock.
“Before you think it…No I don’t go around doin that to everybody…Just always dreamed of doin it to you…But a nigga was too young then.” He said grabbin for my hand and bitin his bottom lip. WHOA!
“Uh…Uh…LaRon…I don’t know what to say…I mean…that’s never happened to me before…like wow..” I said lost for words. WELL EXCEPT FOR CHRIS…AND WELL THAT’S CHRIS!
“Well there is always a first time for everythin…glad I could do that for you.” He smiled hard and I finally noticed his dimple. OH MY GOD!
My mind started racin and the whole situation was so surreal…His similarities to Chris were undeniable! Then I felt sick…WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST DO!
“Well…you should know I don’t go around lettin that happen.” I said tryin to get my mind to slow down. SHIT!
“Oh I believe you…Sorry if it was a bit bold….I uh just couldn’t help it…” He said said standin by the door as I turned off the lights.
Once we got outside to my car I noticed headlights across the street but I kept walkin .
“Um so this was uh…nice.” I said laughin a little.
“Yes it was…I hope it’s not the end…I mean it was a little backwards but I would definitely like to go out some time.” He said openin my door as I hit the locks.
“We will definitely see.” I said smilin back.
“Well call me about tomorrow and let me know if you and Mijo can make it.” He said closin my door.
“Ok…I will.” I said startin the car.
I almost couldn’t breathe…I had just let him eat me out! WHAT THE FUCK! My mind was spinnin….WHAT AM I GONNA DO NOW? I tried to calm my nerves…This was all too much…I was about to pull out of the parkin lot after I watched LaRon drive away when my phone went off: BABY. FUCK! I debated whether to answer it. SHIT! I felt like he knew cause he hung up and called me right back! SHIIIIT! I felt so sick to my stomach…I had never once cheated on Chris…so this was definitely killin my nerves. He hung up again and I sat there breathing heavy. WHAT AM I GONNA DO? Think Helena think! I came up with nothin. My phone went off: RANDA. OH THANK GOD! Miranda was my Bestie from ATL… She knew all about me and Chris so I knew if anybody would keep this secret would be her.
“Giirl what you doin?” She said in her southern drawl.
“Randa I just did somthin really stupid..” I said waitin for her reaction.
“Like what Sweets…You aint do no threesome with that bitch again cause I’m tellin you she want yo nigga!” She blurted out.
“No girl no…I haven’t seen Draya…and she wouldn’t do that anyway.”
“Girl please…Do you know who yo man is…Pssh a hoe would do anythin to get that spot.” She said matter of factly. OH GOD!
“Randa…I told you she ain’t checkin for him…But will you let me tell you this!” I said rubbin my temples.
“Mm hmm…Go ahead.” She said. Randa didn’t like Draya from the minute I introduced them a year ago.
“I…I…remember I told you I had ran into LaRon..” I hesitated.
“Uh Huh…” she said cautiously.
“Well…well He uh…ate me out.” I said bracin myself.
“BITCH!” She said into the phone “YOU DON’T KNOW THAT NIGGA!” she yelled.
“I know…I know.” I sighed.
“Girl have you lost your mind…What about Chris?…Oh My God!” She said soundin like she was movin around. I KNOW!
“I don’t know wha-“ I heard my phone beep: BABY. SHIT SHIT! “ Oh My God that’s Chris again…Shit!”
“You betta answer him!” She commanded.
“But he knows me….he is gonna be able to tell I know it!” I said as the line beeped again.
“Look…This is your first fuck up well besides the Trey shit…So you bury this shit deep…leave LaRon alone and go home to your man!” She instructed. He hung up.
“But He wants me and Mijo to go to his game tomorrow!” I said as my line beeped again: MIJO. FUCK!
“No…don’t you do that shit…Does he even know your with Chris?” She questioned. Mijo Hung up.
“No I never got a chance to tell him…he just knows that we are friends.” I sighed as my line beeped again: BABY. FUUUCK!
“Sweets what the hell…Your friend…Oh My God…Just cut it off I’m tellin you this is gonna be nothin but trouble…Don’t go to that game…Don’t call, text,tweet or email that nigga ever again and Especially don’t fuck him!…Leave it alone!” She demanded. DAMN!
“Ok…Look I gotta call Chris bac-“ My phone beeped: BABY. “That’s him I gotta go.” I sighed.
“Ok call me tomorrow…Remember bury, no game, cut off.. GO HOME!” She instructed again.
“I am …I’m pullin up no-“ I stopped in shock when I pulled up and Chris was standin in my driveway. SHIIIIIIIIIIT! “Girl let me call you back.” I said hangin up.
I pulled my car into the garage and watched as he walked up to the door. I could tell he was pissed! SHIT! So I slowly got out. HERE WE GO!
“Why the fuck wasn’t you answerin ya damn phone!” He said as I closed my car door. SHIT!
“I had left in my bag when I was in the studio…I didn’t hear it til I was drivin.” I lied. FUCK!
“So you didn’t realize you didn’t have your phone for 3 hours Sweets.” He said dryly. DAMN!
“No I got caught in paper work and I wasn’t payin attention…damn I’m sorry!” I said goin into the house withhim right on my heels.
“You full of shit.” He said directly. WHAT!
“How you figure?” I said turnin around.
“Sweets your never without your phone…Cut the shit!” He looked at me offended. FUCK!
“You know I ain’t gotta lie…so you don’t wanna believe me fine…I’m sweaty…I’m tired and I gonna take a shower.” I said walkin up the stairs. OH MY GOD!
“How was the class?” He said following me. SHIT!
“It was cool …they are doin great!” I said tryin to get to the bathroom.
“Aah….That’s good…” He said in a tone I didn’t recognize as he sat on the bed and watched me.
I could feel his eyes studyin my every move…I tried to remain normal as possible but inside I was screamin…HE FUCKIN KNOWS!
“Come here..” he said in a softer tone. WHAT?
“Chris I’m tryin to get in the shower I’m sweaty..” I tried to make and excuse. OH GOD!
“Just come here baby…please.” He said so sweetly. FUCK!
I sighed and walked over to him. He looked up at me and I felt myself start to shake. OH GOD! He grabbed my hand and kissed it.
“You know I love you right?” he said lookin me dead in the eyes. SHIT!
“Chris yes…I know you love me.” I said tryin to contain my nervousness.
“I’m sorry for yellin at you…ok…I just got worried cause you wasn’t answerin.” He said sincerely. DAMMIT!
“It’s ok…I just forgot that’s all…I’m sorry.” I said tryin to smooth it out.
“It’s ok…” he said as he smiled. WOOO!
I felt like I was home free…I just needed to get in the shower and wash this night a way and pretend like it never happened.
“Ok can I get in the shower now?” I said tryin to walk away.
“Oh…my fault.” He said laughingly and lettin my hands go.
I was almost in the bathroom when…
“Hey Baby…Who is LaRon?”