“When I don’t have the words…You say the thing I need to hear…You turn my heart away from fear…All I can do…depends on if you are near…”
Two days had past and things were touch and go…I swear it seemed as though Sweets couldn’t get a break. Even I felt at this point she had to be the unluckiest person I knew. Deep down I just wanted to see her smilin on a beach somewhere…Worry free…Not hurtin…Not bein hurt…No fear…Not wantin for nothin…Just happy. I want so bad to give that to her. I wanted to make her the happiest woman on earth. But life just kept throwin up road blocks. The doctor said that her injuries were not life threatenin but the impact of her SUV hittin the light pole had made her hit the steerin wheel before the airbag deployed. That combined with her anxiety of the chase caused her blood pressure rise and she blacked out. He also said she had some wounds that were consistent with a struggle and that part was trippin me out cause from what Mijo told me nobody was around once him and his homies found her. Mijo also found out that BITCH ASS NIGGA had bailed out of jail a few weeks ago…But he had went to court yesturday for his sentencin. Even though I wasn’t no kind of angel cause my situation…5 years for rape wasn’t long enough! I just couldn’t shake the feelin that he had had contact with her or had somethin to do with this…But I wasn’t gonna get any answers til Sweets came to.
I had had it out with Draya cause she was tired of me bein there for Sweets. But I truly didn’t care about her feelins. I felt bad enough treatin Sweets like I did when we were at the studio but for one I didn’t want to hear Draya’s mouth and for two my feelins were still hurt. I wouldn’t even be puttin up with her if Sweets woulda just said yes. None of this shit would’ve happened and she would be ok right now. But I couldn’t dwell on it…all I wanted was her to be ok and we leave for this tour…Together! Draya was upset about that cause she had went ahead and enrolled in school so now she wouldn’t be able to tour with me. And she didn’t like the fact that Sweets would be with me. Truthfully I was glad she was finally doin somethin positive…but also knew it was only cause she was tryin to keep me and that was a turn off. She also had been initiatin threesomes…Now I wasn’t complainin but honestly they weren’t as special as the ones with Sweets. I found myself doin’em cause well she was bringin the girls home and what I look like not hittin if she was cool with it! But it was all shallow…I wasn’t happy…honestly it was just helpin me past the time…I know that sounds bad but my heart was still torn but the one that had the biggest part didn’t want me and the other one hated me…So what I look like sit around lonely! Even with all the women…My heart had me sittin…Sittin in this hospital room…Waitin…Prayin she open her eyes and be ok. Where I wanted to be….and Draya was gonna have to deal.
“Anythin new bro?” Mijo asked as we stood in the hallway.
“Nah…They still got her sedated.” I said sipin on my Sprite.
“Man if I found out that muthafucka had anythin to do wit this shit…he aint gonna make it to 5 years that’s on me.” He said with flames in his eyes.
“At this point it coulda been anybody.” I said lookin at the people passin by.
“Yea well it had to be somebody that knew who she was cause she was followed and she was fightin ‘em.” He said shiftin.
“Yea I know that’s what’s trippin me out…like who?” I said shakin my head. “All I know is I ain’t leavin her alone no more…whether she like it or not….I knew she shouldn’t have moved out in the first place!”
“Man you know you can’t stop her hardheaded ass…that’s like fightin with yourself! Ya’ll are the two most stubborn muthafuckas I know and I’mma damn scorpio!” He said laughin slightly.
It made me smile cause we were so much alike…and even though we clashed we just wanted things to be good so we would always compromise and be right back cool again. That’s what I loved…we just couldn’t stay mad at each other. With the life I lived…you couldn’t beat someone that just understood. That’s why I couldn’t let go.
“She something aint she…” I said smilin.
“Ya’ll need to quit bullshittin and gone and make that shit official…You already said she was ya wife!” He said bluntly.
“You saw her reject a nigga…I just give up man…tryin to prove your love to somebody that refuses to accept it is for the birds…I ain’t tryin no more…” I said matter of factly.
“Nigga then why you here?” He said bluntly again.
I didn’t have a comeback….He was right…if I wasn’t tryin …WHY AM I HERE? I knew the answer…but I was tired of gettin shut out too.
“Cause that’s my bestfriend…that’s why.” I said tryin to save face.
“You can lie to yoself ….but don’t try and lie to me.” He said walkin off.
I went back inside and sat down next to her. I was so tired of seein her in hospital beds…I had to distract myself so I pulled out my notepad and started drawin. I was in my zone when her room door opened and in came Momma and Mommi. They were giggling as usual and Momma was bright red. I figured Mommi was tellin her one of her dirty jokes again.
“Look at our Babeh takin care of mi Babigirl.” Mommi said in her accent.
“Any change?” Momma said walkin over to me and rubbin my back.
“Nah…just waitin on the doctor to come back with her blood work and I think they gonna wake her up.” I said sighin and lookin over at her.
“I really do tank you Chris for always help her through tings…I love you so much for it.” Mommi said gettin emotional.
“I do what I can Mommi…don’t cry.” I said getting up and givin her a hug.
“You guys are just so good fo each otha…I just don know why ya’ll can’t get it right.” She said wiping her eyes. Fuck.
“It will just take time and God…I have faith.” Momma said wipin her eyes too.
Aw man I can’t take the tears.
“Ya’ll gotta cut that out…I can’t be cryin…I’m grown now!” I said tryin to lighten their mood and change the subject.
They both laughed.
“Yo not too grown to cry…it’s ok….love makes you cry…and that’s alright.” Mommi said squeezing me tighter. “That’s when yo know it’s real.”
I was about to make another joke when the doctor came in. But before he could speak Sweets began to moan. SHE WAS WAKIN UP! I walked over to her and held her hand as she started to move around.
“Looks like I came just in time.” The doctor said walkin over to the other side of her bed.
She kept moanin and then opened her eyes. YES! I squeezed her hand lightly just to calm her and she looked over at me. I waited as a small smile crept up on her face.
The doctor began to ask her questions to make sure she was coherent and I felt my phone buzz. I looked at it: DEANNA. I quickly pushed it to voicemail and put it back. I just wasn’t in that mode right now.
“Well it looks like your CT SCANS and MRI was fine…You just have a slight concussion. All of your internal organs are fine…we have you blood pressure stabilized so your good to go. You will have soreness and possible headaches but we will be prescribin you medication that won’t interfere with your condition.” He smiled and patted her hand.
“So she’ll be fine.” Mommi asked again.
“Yes…So you will be able to go home in the mornin.” He turned to Sweets and said.
She nodded her head slightly.
“How are you feelin right now?” He asked.
“My head hurts and I ache…” She said in a raspy voice.
At this point even her raspy voice was beautiful to hear. I was so happy that she was fine I want to kiss her all over! But I couldn’t…
“Well your blood work looked normal and congrats to you two.” He said closing her chart.
“For what?” Me, Sweets, Momma and Mommi all said confused.
“Oh you didn’t know…Your pregnant Ms.Guerra.” He said confused.
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!
“Wha..” I heard Sweets barely say as Momma and Mommi both gasped!
DID HE JUST SAY WHAT THE FUCK I THINK HE SAID!
“Yes…It says right here…your about a month along.” He said lookin at her still confused.
“No…” I heard myself say.
I couldn’t believe it…I felt a searin pain rip through my fuckin body…My head started to spin and I felt like throwin up.
“He…” I stopped and jumped up.
“OH MY GOD NO!” I heard Sweets yell and burst out in tears.
I saw Momma come towards me as I backed up to the wall. I saw Mommi go to Sweets side and hold her as the doctor stood there confused about the whole situation.
“How did dis happenin she is on birt control!” Mommi yelled at the doctor.
“Um…um.” He stuttered as he looked through her chart.
I could see his eyes get wide and his mouth almost drop open. I was guessin he saw that she was raped around that time and he had oh so casually dropped A FUCKIN ATOMIC BOMB ON ALL OF US!
“It says here they took you off of birth control because of it interferin with your BP medications…but advise you to use other forms of contraception until your new birth control took affect… but I also see that you were sexually assaulted and you turned down the Plan B medication suggested to you Ms. Guerra.” He looked at her in terror. “We suggest that because of situations like this.” He explained further.
“You turned it down?” I blurted out in pain.
I saw her look over at me like her world was crashin down around her. I hadn’t once seen her drop a tear since all of this happened but they were there now….SHE IS FUCKIN CARRYIN THAT MUTHAFUCKAS BABY!!!!!
I couldn’t breathe I turned around and punched the wall.
“CHRIS!” Momma yelled and grabbed a hold of me.
“WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TURN IT DOWN!” I yelled out in hurt and frustration.
Why would she do that?
“I DON’T KNOW!…I WASN’T THINKIN STRAIGHT!” I heard her cry out.
“This…I can’t…” I said feelin broken.
I pulled away from Momma grabbed my bag and stormed out the room. SHE CARRYIN THIS NIGGAS BABY! After he violated her he left his seed in her??? FUCK MY LIFE!!!!! FUCK EVERYTHIN…FUCK EVERYBODY AND FUCK LOVE!!!! I HAVE HAD IT!!!
I ran…ran down the hallway tryin to hold back the tears of anger. I turned the corner and bumped into Mijo and Pat!
“Nigga where you goin?” Mijo said confused.
“She…She…She havin his baby man…fuck this shit.” I said about to break.
I wanted to throw up lettin it come out my mouth. My whole body felt like I had been turned inside out and drug across gravel.
I WANT SOMEBODY TO DIE!
“What the fuck!” Mijo and Pat both said.
“I can’t…I gotta…I gotta go…” I said runnin to the elevator pushin the button like crazy.
I JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE!!!
“Aye Breezy…Man I’m comin with you.” Pat said walkin over and holdin me up.
“She can’t…man…this…this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.” I said feelin the tears drop.
“Just hold it together man…Come on.” Pat said as he let me step on to the elevator.
When we got down stairs I put on my shades and walked out…I couldn’t believe that the MUTHAFUCKIN PAPS WERE HERE! HOW DID THEY EVEN KNOW???? I wanted to smash every fuckin camera I saw…and if I didn’t have this BULLSHIT hangin over my head I would have done it happily! FUCK OFF!!! I jumped in the back of the SUV as they called out to me and Pat sped off. I threw off my shades and began to cry and punch the back of the seat! THE FUCKIN LOVE OF MY LIFE IS PREGNANT BY A NIGGA THAT RAPED HER!!!
“WHAT THE FUCK!!!!” I yelled as I sat back and cried harder.
Just then I felt my phone buzz. I wiped my eyes and looked at it. DRAYA.
I couldn’t deal with her right now…The way I felt and her mouth would make me have a SERIOUS flashback and I couldn’t afford it! I let it go to voice mail. WHAT THE FUCK IS GONNA HAPPEN NOW? I closed my eyes and wondered the worst thought of all…WAS SHE GONNA KEEP IT? I would never be for havin an abortion and I would never encourage it so I couldn’t even imagine what she was about to face…All I knew was in this situation…I wouldn’t fault her for it…But I didn’t how I would feel if she had it…
I knew one thing I had to get out of LA….I had to clear my mind…If I didn’t I could see myself lashin out at the first muthafucka that said the wrong thing to me…. So I scrolled through my phone and dialed.
“Hello” She purred.
“Meet me at LAX in an hour.” I commanded.
“Just be there.” I said hangin up.
I had to escape this pain…I couldn’t bare the thoughts that were shootin through my mind. I didn’t wanna leave her…But the whole thing was suffucatin me. I had too much to deal with already…I just needed to go and forget…even if it was just for a little while…I had to numb this..I had to block it out.
Time to get wasted…