“Damn I miss you…It’s like you kick a nigga out…Moved on to the next one…”
Overwhelmed! That wasn’t even the word to describe how I felt after he performed. I swear it was like watchin Michael come to life before my eyes! It literally gave me chills. PROUD couldn’t describe how I felt inside either! I just wanted to run to the top of the HOLLYWOOD sign and scream it out….I LOVE THIS FUCKIN MAN! It was crazy! I was full of all types of emotions but I knew at that moment…I couldn’t see myself with NO ONE ELSE! He opened his heart to the world…Somethin that ONLY I got to see when we were behind closed doors. He had been through so much that the face that he showed to everyone else wasn’t REAL! But I never blamed him….He had to do that just to survive! This last year could have been the DEATH of him…but he fought….HE FOUGHT HARD! And finally got recognition! REDEMPTION! He deserved it! I swear I was the PROUDEST TEAM BREEZY MEMBER WORLDWIDE! I couldn’t stop smilin for the next two days! Until…
Of course the HATERS had to pick him APART! Why couldn’t they just let his performance be great! Why ATTACK him even when he showed the world his HEART! Fuck this shit! I was irked….No I was straight OUTRAGED! How they you gonna say HE FAKED THE TEARS???? Like…Who fakes CRYIN???? They obviously didn’t know this man like I did…Cause if there was ONE THING Chris did not like to do was CRY IN FRONT OF PEOPLE! OUTTA HERE WITH THAT BULLSHIT!!! I mean any BLIND person could see he was doin the UGLY ASS SNOT NOSED CRY FACE! DAMN! I was beyond PISSED! I felt like I wanted to rip every blogger and Media outlets THROAT OUT! JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE ALREADY!!! What also PISSED me off further was that they kept tryin to find out if ROB watched the awards and if she forgave him because he CRIED! WHAT THE FUCK DID SHE HAVE TO DO WITH THIS SHIT???? I was confused on the connection! It was like the MEDIA heard him speak into the mic and say “RI’HANNA THIS IS FOR YOU BABE!” REALLY???? The logic and the nerve of the media blew my mind! I had all but abandoned Twitter and the internet period…cause I just couldn’t take the LIES!!!!
Chris tried to get me to not be upset about it…He was worried I was gonna let them raise my blood pressure and end up in the hospital. I knew he meant well but I was PISSED! He was too…But what could he do? He had poured out his heart and they RIPPED HIM TO SHREDS FOR IT! Like he didn’t deserve to breathe ever again….Let alone SING! It just wasn’t right! I was determined to not let him forget what I said “Greatness can not be denied.” And I MEANT THAT SHIT! Despite the HATERS…DUECES was catchin on! And with his MJ TRIBUTE CONTROVERSY it made it shoot up the charts! HA HA NOW WHAT HATERS! The performance made the radio have to play his music again…TEAM BREEZY and HIS FANS were DEAMNDIN IT! And they COULDN’T DENY HIM ANYMORE! Fuck all the bullshit HE WAS BACK! Haters or not…
I had got a call from Ester a week later that shocked me…Well despite the fact that I hadn’t talked to her in almost a year…But she asked me to write with her on a few songs her and Polow were submittin for….YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE IT BUT…ROBYN! She said she loved the tracks I had done for Keri so much she knew I would be perfect for this project! WHAT??? I just about dropped my phone when she let that come out her mouth! I thought maybe she was playin a joke on me cause she play like that…But she was dead serious! Robyn??? MY ARCH ENEMY?? I didn’t know what to say or how to react! Chris was gettin soooo much shit right now that I thought it would be BLASPHEMY to even let MY WORDS COME OUT HER MOUTH!! I mean that was what kinda happened with Ester and him when she decided to start writin for her…I mean they didn’t end on bad terms…Just the MAGIC they had together got abruptly cut off because she went with the pull to have better success with Rob cause well…I hated to say it but she was hot right now! I was stuck…I knew It could be a good opportunity and gooood money but…At what cost?
I told her I would get back with her. I didn’t know what to do…I mean they were waitin on answer so I could fly out to NY and I was nervous as shit! I called the only neutral person I could think of in this type of situation that I knew would give me the best advice …Well hoped would give me the best advice…
“HEEEEEEY GIRL!” I heard Shad damn near yell in the phone.
“Hey Bro what you doin?” I said sittin on my bed.
“Shit just left the studio…What yo ass doin?” He asked soundin distracted by the background.
“Nothin much…I need some advice.” I decided to just get to it.
“Hol’ up…Aye Imma be inside…Yea…Ok now what you say?” I heard the background noise end.
“I said I need some advice.” I repeated.
“Bout that nigga Chris? Cause I’m tellin you he aint wit that bitch.” He blurted out.
WOW…GOOD TO KNOW SHAD!
“No…No it’s not about him…Well sort of but not personal…Well kinda but business.” I tried to explain.
“Ok…I’m listenin.” He said.
“Ok I gotta call from Ester right.” I began.
“Uh huh.” He said listenin.
“Ok well she wants me to write some songs with her…” I paused.
“Okaaaay.” He said slowly.
“Well the songs are for…Rob.” I said bracin for his reaction.
He didn’t say anything for a long minute then began to laugh.
WHAT’S SO FUNNY?
“Sounds like you bout to get paid…So what do you need advice on?” He said bluntly.
“Shad did you hear who I said it was for?” I said confused.
“Yes I heard you loud and clear and all I see is dollar signs so..” He said laughin a little more.
THIS NIGGA HERE!
“Shad I don’t know if it is a good idea…You know cause of….Chris.” I said worried.
“HA! Look Babygirl…Money is money…All that bullshit swirlin around them aint got shit to do with you gettin yo bread…Hell if I was asked to cut a track with that bitch I would…And you know what my nigga would understand… Cause we both see eye to eye that business is business…Nothin more.” He advised.
“What you really wanna know is if Chris would be mad at you for doin it.” He said bluntly again.
“Well…Kinda…” I said hopin he would give me some insight.
“Welp! Looks like your talkin to the wrong person sis…I can’t tell you how that nigga will react or how he feel…I only know where me and him stand cause im his nigga… You on the other hand are his heart….So you betta get on that phone.” He said matter of factly.
“Man…Basically your sayin he would feel a certain type of way.” I tried pressin him anyway.
SHIT GIVE ME SOMETHIN!
“I aint sayin shit for that nigga…CALL HIM…ASAP!” He said laughin.
“Ok…Well thanks Shad and next time don’t talk to me while your takin a shit!” I said.
UGGH! I KNEW HIM!
“HAHAHA! BYE!” He said laughin and hangin up.
I shook my head and laughed…It was crazy I knew he was on the toilet…Just NASTY! But that’s my bro. I still felt nervous…I knew Shad was right about me gettin my money and that I had to talk to Chris but…I was afraid…Felt like he would feel like I was abandonin him to jump on the MONEY TRAIN…That was full throttle and drivin over him everyday! But I had to do it…I especially had to beat Shad to the call I knew he would make immediately to Chris! NIGGA CAN’T KEEP SHIT TO HIMSELF! I picked my phone back up and it lit up. I looked at it: CHRIS.
DAMN SHAD DID YOU EVEN HANG UP FIRST!
I sighed cause I swear their little GUY CODE was so ANNOYIN! I knew if I let it go to voicemail he would just call back so I picked up.
HERE GOES NOTHIN!
“Hey you.” I said as sweetly as possible.
“What up?” He said directly. Aw shit.
“Uh nothin…What’s goin on?” I asked nervous about his tone.
“Im outside…Can I come in?” He asked.
“Yea I’m on my way down.” I said gettin up.
“Aight.” He said hangin up in my face.
I got even more worried…WAS HE THAT MAD HE FLEW OVER HERE? I mean I hadn’t even said yes to Ester yet….SHIT! I ran down my steps and tried to calm my nerves as I opened the door. When I opened it he just looked at me clenchin his jaw and had flames in his eyes.
“Uh…Come in.” I said motionin him to come in the door.
“Not sure I want to.” He said clearly PISSED!
WHAT THE FUCK?
“What you mean you not sure…What’s wrong?” I asked tryin not to get offended.
“Just…” He stopped and walked inside.
I watched him as he started to pace back and forth in front of my couch…I knew it couldn’t just be the call from Shad that had him riled up! So my mind automatically started runnin back in my head what could have him OBVIOUSLY PISSED AT ME! My mind flashed and flashed and stopped on…KEVIN…
“Why are you pacin like that…What the fuck is wrong?” I said tryin to keep my guilt from comin up from my stomach.
“You tell me?” He fired back at me stoppin dead in his tracks.
“I don’t even know what your mad about!” I said now confused.
He looked at me real hard clenched his jaw again and then rubbed his face like he was countin backwards from 100…Damn.
“Ok….So you when was you gonna tell me you was shakin ya ass and kissin fuckin Trey all in his video and shit.” He blurted out.
“I don’t know I hadn’t really thought about it…” I said calmly.
“Oh really? Ok but when I asked you to be in my video it was “No…B it will be awkward” But then you go lay up with this nigga like ya’ll all in love and shit!” He said jealously and imitatin my words.
“Chris…It was just a damn video…You act like we made a damn porno!” I fired and walked towards the kitchen.
I’M NOT DOIN THIS WITH HIM!
“So what!” He shot and followed me.
I walked in the kitchen then turned to look at him…ARE YOU REALLY THAT MAD? I thought to myself as I looked him dead in his eyes…No this wasn’t about me actually bein in the video…He was jealous that It was Trey…And he wanted to know if it was more than ACTIN! He think I want Trey!
“Chris what is it for real? Are you really that jealous of him?” I said decidin to confront him.
TELL THE TRUTH
“Hell No!” He said bluntly.
“So you mean to tell me you can damn near fuck a bitch in your video… and then when I do a harmless one it’s a problem?” I said throwin out the difference.
“Ch…Don’t turn this shit on me!” He said lookin like he knew his point had crashed and burned.
“Well it is…Look Chris I don’t want to be with Trey…I can honestly say we are just friends…I did the video as an extension of that…Nothin more.” I said makin things clear.
He stood there for a seconds and read me…Then I saw his eyes soften.
I AINT LYIN!
“Aight.” He said but still lookin irked.
“Damn… Just trippin.” I said about to walk out the kitchen.
“Hm…So you gonna do those songs?” He said before I could get out the kitchen.
I froze in mid step. FUCKIN SHAD! If I didn’t know anythin I knew I would NEVER TELL HIM SHIT AGAIN!
“Guessin Shad told you…Don’t know why I’m even surprised.” I said turnin around to face him.
“You shouldn’t be.” He said smirkin.
“Well I hadn’t decided…I was actually about to call you when you called.” I confessed.
“Do ‘em.” He said directly.
“What?” I asked confused.
“Go ahead do ‘em…What you thought I was gonna say turn that money down cause of me?” He asked raising his eyebrow.
“Well kinda..” I said nervously.
“Hell nah…If she want you to write for her Imma support it…Cause me and her aint got shit to do with you gettin paid.” He said soundin just like Shad!
IS THIS A TEST?
“Wow.” I said still tryin to read him.
“Sweets I’m serious…I have always supported you writin career and this could really be big for you …So go ahead…Not like you needed my permission any way.” He said walkin over to me.
“No I didn’t but I still wanted to make sure you were ok with it…Cause that is awkward as hell.” I said lookin up at him.
“Nah don’t even worry bout it…Just promise me you’ll buy me a pair of J’s with ya first royalty check!” He said laughin lightly.
“Bet!” I said smilin at how relaxed he was now.
“Look you…I was playin.” He said shakin his head and smilin.
“Well I aint! Me and you gonna slow wine our ass all the way to the bank…Cash that bitch and be like PAYBACK!” I said laughin. “Then I’m gonna buy you a big MR T. gold chain and you gonna where it and only we gonna know where it came from!”
“You are crazy…I aint fuckin wit you!” He said laughin and walkin out the kitchen.
“What? What did I say?” I said playin confused and laughin.
“Yo crazy ass….I can see you doin that shit too!” He said laughin harder.
“Ya damn right!” I said goin up my stairs.
I meant what I said tho…Now let me get paid! When I got to my room I layed on the bed…I looked up and Chris was standin at the door lookin at me.
UH YOU CAN COME IN!
“What are you doin?” I finally asked him laughin.
“Aw just waitin for you to say it was ok…I mean you know you don’t like bein in rooms with a nigga.” He said playfully but serious.
“Get in here!” I said laughin.
“Ok…But you gotta promise not to try anythin…I’m weak right now.” He said playfully walkin over to the bed like he was scared.
“Ha Ha!” I said throwin a pillow at him.
“I’m… I’m not sure I’m ok with this.” He said lookin over at me then lookin away like he was shy.
“You got jokes…ok.” I said said rollin my eyes at him.
“I…I don’t do anythin…I’m a good guy.” He said lookin at me quickly then away.
“You funny Chris..” I said now startin to feel a way.
“Ah don’t get mad I was just fuckin wit you.” He said finally laughin and then climbin up on the bed some.
“Yea whatever.” I said throwin another pillow at him.
“Aight woman…You iont want to pillow fight.” He said then pullin his phone out his pocket and tossin it to the side of the bed then hittin me with a pillow. OUCH!
OH IT’S ON!
I grabbed two more pillows throwin them at him and then hittin him again with the third one on the head. HA HA!
“OUCH…See you cheatin! Aight It’s ON!” He said hittin me back with two of them as I tried to stand up.
“I AM THE PILLOW FIGHTIN CHAMP LET’S GO!” I said finally gettin my balance and then he hit me square in the face.
“You just gonna…” I said hittin him over and over as he laughed.
“Ouch…AYE AYE!” He said laughin and tryin to block my hits.
He managed to snatch the pillow from me and I was stuck!
“YEEEAA I GOT YOU NOW!” He said throwin two at me and I tried to duck and fell hittin my knee on my nightstand!
“AAAH!” I screamed
“OH SHIT! You alright?” He said jumpin for me.
“Damn…That shit hurt.” I said as he got out the bed and came over to me as I rubbed my knee.
“Man…I’m sorry.” He said scoopin me up off the floor.
He put me down and sat by my feet. It actually tickled me that we were playin like the old days…Missed that…Despite all the bullshit he was dealin with at the moment he could still have fun…Missed this Chris. I felt my knee start to throb and it made me feel like a fool for even standin up in the damn bed in the first place!
“You hit your knee?” He asked sweetly.
“Yea…This is gonna hurt like hell in the mornin.” I said rubbin it.
“Awww here let me do it.” He said startin to rub it softly.
“Sorry bout earlier…I just didn’t expect to be blindsided when I logged on this mornin.” He said rubbin it deeper.
“Truth…I really forgot about it…I mean we been so…SSSo…Busy I didn’t think…about it.” I said as he began massagin my calf too.
“I know but I…I still shouldn’t have flew off…li..like that.” He said clearin his throat scootin closer and continuin to work my calf.
I could see he was fightin hard not to go higher than my knee…It felt so good that I started to press myself into the headboard! SHIIIIIIT! I had to be strong…I couldn’t let this moment turn into somethin else! FUCK! But before I could say anythin he took his hands off me and turned away from me.
“Wha…What’s wrong?” I asked tryin to slow my heart and breathin down.
“Just…Uh…I had to stop.” He said not lookin at me and runnin his hands down his pants legs.
“Oh…” I said tryin to gather my thoughts.
HE WAS REALLY TRYIN!
I was happy he was respectin my wishes…But I can’t lie I really didn’t want him to stop…I WANTED HIM! All I could do was sigh cause well it was my choice and this is what I asked for! So I sat there tryin to keep every freaky thought from floodin my mind! We sat there in silence for a little longer and then he looked at me. It made me my heart jump as he stared a little longer like he was battling with his thoughts. He then turned towards me and slowly slid his hands up both my calves. I started to breathe heavier as he made it to my thighs. WHAT ARE YOU DOIN? I asked but it never came out. He scooted closer and lifted my leg over his lap and leaned in inches from my face…I almost couldn’t breathe…My head was now swimmin. I took a second to decide and you know what…HE HAS WAITED LONG ENOUGH! I think I shocked him when I grabbed his face and kissed him like I needed him to live!
After a few minutes of our tongues touchin it sent shockwaves down my back…DAMN! I felt him slide his hands under my dress as he pulled away….I looked at him breathless. He paused for a moment and searched my eyes with his own…I could see a switch turn on and then he slowly slid my thong down and off. I knew this was the moment of truth he had been waitin on…..and honestly I wanted it…Call me weak but the things I wanted…No needed…Him to do to my body…There was NO WAY I WAS GONNA STOP HIM THIS TIME! He smiled at me slyly as he climbed in the bed. I wasn’t quite sure what he was about to do but at this point I didn’t care! He quickly pulled my legs towards him and I slid down! WHOA! He pushed my legs apart and bent down and kissed my thigh lightly and it made my legs shake…. He ran his tongue down til he was hoverin over my clit…OH SHIT! He looked up at me and smiled the sexiest smile ever and blew on it. OH MY GOOOOD! I felt my whole body jerk! SHIT!
“You want this.” He said then blowin again.
“Ye…Yes.” I said tryin to get my body to stop shakin uncontrollably.
“You sure?” He said gettin closer.
“Yeess..” I moaned.
“How bad you want it?” He said seductively and grippin my thighs.
“Bad…Now taaaste yo pussy!” I moaned and demanded.
His face was priceless…Guess he wasn’t expectin that! HA! But shit I couldn’t wait NO MORE!
“Damn woman!” He said smilin harder.
“You like that huh?” I smiled sexily.
“Mmm…You only gotta tell me once.” He said lickin me deep!
I swear I couldn’t breathe and the sensation of him swirlin his tongue on my clit sent waves down to my toes….FUUUCK! I grabbed his head and jumped back cause he dived deeper.
“Don’t run.” He said pullin me back to him and divin back in.
“OOOOOH….MY GOD!” I yelled out.
That motivated him to go faster….He went in like he it was the first time all over again.
“Uuuuh….Shiiiit…Ba-by.” I said grippin his head tighter as my legs began to shake harder.
“Mmm Hmmmmm.” He said as he went faster in and out with his tongue.
I couldn’t take it! The feelin of him goin in and out and me not havin ANY SEX in TWO MONTHS had me at the edge and he knew it. THIS WAS NOT HOW I PLANNED MY DAY!
“Ooooo…Chriiiis…uuuuuh….sssss.” I said feelin it comin.
“Let it go.” He se said in between sucks and licks. “I want it.”
“Uh…Yeea….Fuuuuuck…right there…OOOH.” I yelled out.
HE WAS ON A MISSION
I squeezed his head in my thighs as I felt my fight to hold out end. He kept goin faster and faster grippin my thighs tighter….I knew I had lost!
“OH…OH…..SHIIIIT! IMMMM CUUUUUMMMMMIINN!” I yelled out as I arched my back.
“Mm Hm….Mm Hmm” He said dippin his tongue in deeper.
And just like that I came harder than he has ever made me! DAAAAAAAMN! I felt my body jerk uncontrollably as he continued to lick….I tried to catch my breath but he just kept goin!
OH MY GOD!
He pushed my legs up to my chest and kept goin at it…I was so in shock I don’t think my mind had a chance to comprehend it all! He went in and out faster and faster at first then slowed down like he was makin love to me with his tongue! He circled my clit slowly and I was seein STARS! The sensation was almost too much for me to take! He dove in deeper and without my control…I CAME HARD….AGAIN!
“OOOOHH MYYY GOOOOOD….AAAAHHHH!” I screamed and tried to push his head away!
My body kept spasmin as he finally let me go. He sat up and looked at me with the most devious and satisfied look on his face. All I could do was try and catch my breath…SHIT NIGGA! I couldn’t move…but what shocked me was he climbed over to the other side of me and layed down.
“You…Yo-u…Shit!” Was all I could mange to get out as I continued to shake.
“Mmm…Glad you liked it.” He said smilin hard and wiping his mouth.
I sat up on my elbows and looked at him…I could see Monsta was tryin to escape his pants but he didn’t move. He just sat there lookin at me. SOOO….IT’S OVER? I thought to myself. UH UH…WE AINT DONE YET! I decided to sit up…I reached for his belt and he grabbed my hands.
“Stop.” He said softly.
“What?” I asked confused now.
“We aint goin there yet.” He said genuinely.
I sat all the way up and kept lookin at him and waitin for him to laugh and say he was jokin…But…He was dead serious!
“So…You did all that and you don’t want to..” I said in disbelief.
“Nah…Beleeeive me I want to but it wasn’t about me.” He said gazin up at me.
I was impressed…I mean here was his chance to FINALLY GET THE COOKIE AND ALL HE WANTED WAS TO EAT IT! I was definitely not MAD AT ALL! HA!
“Wow…look at you.” I said smilin and leanin back on the headboard.
“What? I got self control to you know!” He said sittin up.
“I see…I just thought…You been wantin it this long.” I said feelin my heart flutter.
“Look…We went far enough…I’m good with that…When it’s really time for it…Best believe I’m fuckin that shit up!” He said laughin.
“You are a mess!” I said laughin and pushin him.
“Gone have you on erry wall…Floor….Bed…Couch…Hell we might end up on the roof!” He said said laughin and then grabbin his phone.
“Roof…You stupid.” I said grabbin my phone as it flashed on the night stand.
“I aint playin…We gonna put on a show for the whole block!” He said pokin me in the side.
“Just crazy.” I said laughin and checkin the alert I had.
“Nah but for real…I want you to really be ready for all that….I aint in no rush.” He said lookin over at me.
I heard him pause as I continued to scroll down this article that was emailed to me. My eyes got big and I felt my heart sink….I couldn’t BELIEVE MY EYES! There he was hugged up with JASIMINE…with a headline that read “CHRIS BROWN CELEBRATES HIS GIRLFRIEND’S BIRTHDAY WITH HER AND BAKES HER A CAKE!” I felt the flames ignite in my stomach as I scrolled down further and SURE AS SHIT! There he was hugged up with not only her but TEY WAS THERE TOO! The next pic was of a damn near lopsided birthday cake! I immediately dropped my phone and covered my mouth. I saw him look at me out the corner of my eye but I knew if I looked at him I was gonna SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF HIM!
WHAT THE FUCK????
“What’s wrong?” He said concerned now.
I couldn’t say anythin I just felt the tears begin to form..They were a mixture of ANGER and HURT! HOW YOU GONNA DO THIS WITH ME AND YOU WAS JUST WITH HER LAST NIGHT!!! I didn’t know what to do…I grabbed my phone and tossed at his chest and scooted out the bed. OUCH!
I almost hit the floor as my knee buckle under me…I didn’t care I just had to GET AWAY FROM HIM! I hobbled my way to the bathroom.
“WAIT…WHERE YOU GOIN?” He called out as I slammed the bathroom door and locked it.
I couldn’t believe it! HE HAD GOT ME TO CAVE AND HE HAD A GIRL…AGAIN! And whats worse is Tey knew and didn’t tell me shit! What the hell! I heard him start beatin on the door. I didn’t care I wasn’t gonna let him in…I just wanted him to GO AWAY!
“Sweets open the door…Please just talk to me!” He said wigglin the doorknob.
“I aint got shit to say you….Leave me alone.” I said darkly holdin back the tears.
“Sweets for real…Just open the door!” He said still tryin to get in.
“How you gonna do that huh? How you gonna come over her pissed at me…Eat my pussy and you know damn well you fuckin with Jasmine now…Huh? HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT WORK B!” I finally yelled.
“Sweets I…FUUCK! Ok….Ok…I just… It’s you…I can’t just walk away…You don’t understand man!” I heard him stop and sigh.
“Just go away B…You aint gotta worry bout me no more.” I said coldly.
“ For Re-……That’s how you want it?” I heard him say in a cold tone.
“I’m good.” I said even colder.
I heard him stand there for a minute longer then finally walk away from the door. I didn’t know how to feel…I felt like he tricked me…We had got so close these last two and half weeks I should’ve known somethin was gonna come and DESTROY IT! I didn’t know if I was more hurt that he was with Jas and DIDN’T SAY SHIT or if it was cause I let him taste me….But what I did know was…
I just needed to be alone.