“There will never be another you…Oh…Never be another you…”

(Chris POV)

 

They say you only get two or three real loves in your life. I thought about that sayin all the time now. I had had my two so far. So I didn’t quite understand or truly want to accept this feelin that had been slowly creepin up in my heart. I hadn’t felt these types of butterflies since…Since I was 13. The day I saw Sweets walk across that basketball court with Shay. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. So these feelins I was havin…Scared the hell out of me! It seemed like I had loved Sweets sooo long that nobody had ever been able to make me feel almost exactly like she did. Rue was Cool…Fun…Laidback…Funny…Open to anythin. And most importantly NO DRAMA! She was sexy…smart and best of all a REGULAR GIRL! I didn’t have to worry bout egos or ulterior motives…She just liked to hang with me and that was what I had been lookin for ever since Sweets. But deep down I was still stuck. My heart wouldn’t let go of what me and Sweets had. I had never pictured my life without her…Never wanted to. I never believed anybody could compare. But now I felt like I was havin déjà vu! So before I could move forward with Rue…I had to resolve things with Sweets. I had to see if we were truly over cause in my heart….We could never be done.

GOTTA FIND HER

When Sweets said she was leavin I couldn’t even accept the thought. I just figured it was one of her upset moments and she would eventually come around. But no. After two weeks of tryin to get a hold of her and her even bein MIA for Thanksgivin..I began to worry. No call backs…No texts…No sightins…It was like she DISAPPEARED INTO THIN AIR!  After the third week of blewin her up…She changed her number. DAMN! I went to Dance 1: LA and Shaw told me she sold the studio and the ones in Miami and NY TOO! I went by her spots in LA…Gone…Hit up everyone of her friends, fam, and business partners I had numbers to…Nobody talked to her…NOT EVEN MIJO OR JANINA! I was so desperate that I even flew to her houses in Miami and NY…All Gone! I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT! I asked Kev, Bow, Xena, Seven and Joelle if they had heard from her…Cause I knew she owned their places and they said SHE HAD GAVE THEM TO THEM FREE AND CLEAR! WHAT THE FUCK??? I was BEYOND frustrated and SCARED NOW! I knew that only left her studios and houses in ATL and VA! So I got a hold of Momma to see she if she had seen her back home or talked to her…Nothin! NO WAY…UH UH! She didn’t go A DAY WITHOUT TALKIN TO MY MOMMA! And that made Momma worry too. So now I was sick. My last stitch effort was Atlanta. So off I went! I flew out there at the beginnin of December…and after a month of searchin I was definitely ready to give up and file a missin persons report! Everybody was worried. We had business for CBE…F.A.M.E comin up…Videos to handle….Nothin was makin since! How could she just walk away from that? I had asked Mijo if he still had Randa’s number and he didn’t. Shit! So I had to go in blind!  When I pulled up to her place her Lambo and another car were in the driveway. I was both RELEIVED AND PISSED! All this time I had been lookin for her and HER ASS WAS RIGHT IN ATLANTA!

LET ME EXPLAIN

When I got to the door I blew out a deep sigh…I just wanted to see her face…Make sure she was alright. I needed to apologize and explain. I couldn’t believe how much my heart had me searchin for her like I needed her to LIVE…But I did. As I went to push the doorbell I felt a wave of nervousness wash over me. WHAT IF SHE DON’T WANT TO SEE ME? WHAT IF SHE SLAMS THE DOOR IN MY FACE?  But I shook it off…I couldn’t let it deter me…I had already came too far. So I pushed it.

HERE WE GO

I sat there for what seemed like eternity. And when the door swung open. MY WORLD ENDED. I stood there lookin at a familiar face…HE looked at me with eyes of PURE SHOCK. She had did it…AGAIN! This time it wasn’t TREY…But yet another person I considered a HOMIE! That same feelin of FIRE and HURT came back and I HAD TO GET AWAY! I couldn’t even speak as HE went to open his mouth…I just turned away quickly and got back in my car. I SPED OFF SO FAST YOU COULD HEAR MY TIRES SPIN! I felt like my heart had been RIPPED OPEN! She had severed all ties so she could BE WITH HIM? I was confused…I was angry…Mostly angry at MYSELF! I never wanted it to be this way….I never wanted to let go of her…But she was now FORCIN ME.

POINT TAKEN!

8 ½ years I had loved this woman…Not sure if it would EVER go away. I had made so many mistakes that I knew it was IMMPOSSIBLE to fix them all at this point. So I had to do it…I had to do the unthinkable…She was now gone….I HAD TO LET HER GO! As I drove to my hotel room…A calm set over me. I even began to smile…I had always wanted to see her happy…So as long as she was HAPPY….I was gonna let MY DIAMOND SHINE! Even if it was without me….She deserved it. And As I sat there in the car and the track that I had just finshed for her played. All I could do was say it out loud…

“Goodbye Sweets.”

There will never be Another You…

“You can let out all of your aggression…Put it all on me like…I hate you…You aint shit but I love you…Don’t nobody else make me mad as you…But when we makin up tho…I’m glad it’s you..”

(Chris POV)

 

I was sick. I couldn’t believe Mommi was actually gone. I tried my hardest to hide my pain from Sweets and stay strong for her and Momma. Momma and Mommi were so close and she was takin it just as hard. It definitely wasn’t easy tryin to get back to normal but I had the TAKERS premiere to go to in LA so I really didn’t have a choice. What I did know was I wasn’t in the mood to be interviewed or walk that DAMN RED CARPET….I just wanted to show up…Watch the movie with Sweets and Mommi in spirit then BOUNCE! And that’s exactly what I did. I knew TEAM BREEZY wanted to see me cause that’s all the were talkin about on Twitter plus they were streamin it live so I OWED IT TO THEM to show up. I was so thankful to them for showin me so much love and patiently waitin through all my bullshit for 2 years for it.

 Durin the movie I held Sweets hand tight…I knew she was still in pain but she was a trooper and came out anyway. I was always AMAZED by her strength. She had been through everythin TRAGIC imaginable but was still here…Still just as strong and beautiful as the day I first met her 8 years ago. I would look at her and feel like if she could deal with EVERYTHIN she had then there was NO EXCUSE for me not to get through my shit! I was just grateful that she was there for me and that’s what I would ALWAYS do for her…That much I promised Mommi.

Mommi…

I missed our conversations already…She never failed to make me laugh…Even on my darkest days it seemed as soon as I heard “Hey Bebeh I got someting to tell yuh!” on the other end of my phone…I couldn’t help but smile cause I knew she was about to say somethin CRAZY! And it never failed by the middle of our conversation I had forgotten what I was even down about in the first place! Sweets was so much like her… Well except for the dirty jokes part…But her CRAZY SIDE! Yea she got that from Mommi. Man she would check a bitch QUICK! I would be nervous as hell tell her she couldn’t have one of my ex’s numbers…Hell til she passed she STILL HAD WORDS FOR ROB! YIKES! Even when I told her I was over all that…She said she didn’t care she just wanted to SLAP her one good time and CUSS her out for turnin her back on me! OH MY GOD! I knew when Rob came up it was time to get off the phone! HAHA! She was just a beautiful and protective soul….CRAZY but sincere and I really loved her just as much as Momma. I treasured all the things she would teach me about her life and life in general. I always told her that I was gonna settle down with Sweets one day…Give Sweets that last name and them grandbabies Mommi want from me so much! YEA SWEETS WAS GONNA BE MRS. BREEZY AND HAVE ALL MY BABIES! HA! I just never told Sweets that cause well…I was actually afraid that that wouldn’t happen and I didn’t want to make her no more promises that I would end up breakin…So I kept that between me and Mommi.

 Mommi was my angel now…And I was gonna take care of her Bebeh…Always!

 

PAYBACK BIIITCH!

A week after the premiere I was back in LA and still recordin…Of course…And I heard that The homie Rob wanted to talk to me bout the whole Jasmine thing…Honestly I didn’t give a fuck cause she was still on my phone daily TRYIN TO GET BACK WITH A NIGGA! PSSH…FUCK I LOOK LIKE? So when I finally talk to him he invited me and the homies to come chill with him at his condo. At first I wasn’t gonna do it but Jas had sent me a text that mornin talmbout she never fucked with him and the media was makin it out to be more than it was…My point was YA ASS STILL LYIN CAUSE YOU HAD YA ASS IN VEGAS…NOT MIAMI! You can’t make that out more than it was THERE WAS PICS TO PROVE IT! So I said Self…Lets end this once and for all and Self said PAYBACK BIIITCH! LEGGO! HA! So I went.

 Once me, Tey and Mijo all got there…Me and Rob chopped it up and he immediately let me know the WHOLE SCOOP! And my conclusion was RIGHT! She had been talkin to that nigga on the low the whole time! Talmbout me and her were JUST FRIENDS! LIKE OK…AIGHT…AWESOME! So then Tey was so pissed bout Jas’s LIES she had an idea to tweet a pic of all of us just to let Jas know yea BITCH HE THE HOMIE AND I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU NOW! I thought it was BRILLIANT! HA! So we posted ‘em. Not even 5 minutes later my phone was BLOWIN UP! All the homies was goin NUTS!  TEAM BREEZY was roastin her and JAS WAS HAVIN A FIT! HAHAHA! By the end of the night she in all the blogs ON FULL BLAST! Payback’s a bitch… And I’m done.

OVER IT

By the middle of August…Sweets was still tryin to bring herself back around….She couldn’t bring herself to stay in Atlanta. So she mostly spent her days at her beach house here in Cali. She had let Kev get her condo cause it was a two bedroom and he needed one for Jenisis. I didn’t like her bein all the way in Malibu especially dealin with all this. But Xena and her daughter Zoey had moved in so that Sweets wouldn’t be alone most of the day. She had Nina, Tae and now Seiko comin to keep her company too so I was happy for that. Momma also called her daily just to make sure she was alright. But Sweets told me it was hard talkin to Momma cause Momma would try and be strong but she was still hurtin too. Damn. It just killed me that I couldn’t FIX THIS for everybody. But mostly I just wanted to make Sweets whole again…It was really fuckin with me. I tried not to be overprotective and crowd her…But I also didn’t want her to feel like I was stayin away. At first she didn’t want me to come out there then she started havin her nightmares again and so most nights or mornins when I got out the studio or club appearance if she called I would make the long drive out there to stay with her.

Just seein her go through the nightmares and shit all over again was hard. I mean it seemed like every time she would get rid of them somethin would happen and everythin would come FLOODIN back. But I knew…I knew how that shit felt. There was still many nights I would wake up drenched from MY OWN MEMORIES….That shit stays with you like a plague. I was just happy she didn’t have panic attacks like I did…yea I would still have ‘em every now and then…. I just hid it from everybody. Life gets heavy sometimes you know! But I wasn’t worried bout me…The only thing I wanted was to make Sweets smile again….

“Arrre you commmin?” I heard her say into the phone.

“Yea I’m on my way….Got Pat drivin me…Had a few drinks not riskin it…Wait you been drinkin?” I asked finally realizin she was slurrin.

“Mm hmm…DON STARRTT!” She yelled out of no where!

Aw shit.

“Hey…I wasn’t gonna say nothin! Hell I have too…You just sound fuuucked up!” I said laughin lightly.

“Ouch…Mm I ting I am…Sssooo how longgg you gon…WHOA!” I heard her say and then somethin crash.

DAMN!

“Sweets what the hell?” I said now concerned.

“Shit…I broooke mi dam vassse.” She said like she was talkin to herself.

I knew she was GOOOONE cause her accent was comin out…It actually tickled me and made me sad for a moment cause when she was super fucked up she sounded just like Mommi…Crazy shit and all!

“Yo…Pat hurry up man….She fuckked up and done broke a vase and shit.” I said laughin lightly to Pat.

“She ok?” Pat said lookin concerned in the rearview mirror.

“Yea she just cussin somebody out right now…Just hurry up.” I said laughin now listenin to her CUSSIN THIS IMAGINARY PERSON THE FUCK OUT! HA!

“CHRIS!” She yelled into the phone.

“What Baby?” I asked her tryin to stop myself from laughin.

“CHRIS YEW GOTTT FIVVE MINNUTTES TO GIT HERRRE!” She yelled some more as I pulled the phone back from my ear and laughed.

“Five minutes? You live in fuckin Malibu…Not around the corner!” I said laughin as Pat sped up.

“I DON CURR YEW….Hey I founnd somme twizzzlerss…Yew want somme?” She said randomly.

WOOOOW

I couldn’t help but bust out laughin….I know it was the liq but this was the funniest shit right now! I could just picture her gettin distracted! I was actually happy tho…Cause at least she wasn’t cryin.

“Yea sure!” I said as Pat pulled up to her gate and punched in her code. “You gotta save me some tho.”

“HAHAHA…NOPPPE!” She said laughin and now smackin.

“See that’s fucked up…Aight man hit you tomorrow.” I said to her then to Pat as I got out.

“Aight Breezy…Tell her I said take it easy.” Pat said

“Aight…I will.” I said grabbin the bag and sack I brought as I closed the door.

“CHRIIISSSS!” She yelled again.

WHAT WOMAN!

“Yes Baby.” I said chucklin as I walked up to her door.

“I love you…” She said gettin quiet.

Damn…

My heart instantly melted. It was crazy how those three words comin out of her mouth still made me lose my breath. Guess cause I knew for a fact she really did. Damn…

“I love you too.” I said back and then pushed her doorbell.

“Oh my God…Sommebodyy is herrre.” She whispered.

HA! I KNOW!

“What? Who the fuck you got comin to yo house at 3 in the mornin?” I said playin serious.

“Huh?” She said confused and I heard her move around.

“You heard me woman…Who the fuck is ringin ya damn doorbell like they crazy at 3 in the mornin!” I demanded and kept ringin her doorbell over and over!

“Wha…” I heard her pause. “YEW JERRKKK!” She then yelled as she unlocked the door and cracked it.

“AHAHAHA!” I said hangin up and goin for the door but she closed it.

HEY!

“Sweets let me in!” I said laughin through the door.

“NO! YEW AINNT SHIIITTT!” She yelled back through the door.

HAHA! I KNOW!

“Baby come on…I got somethin for you.” I said sweetly and waited.

“DICK?” She said bluntly.

WHAT? WAIT…WHOA!

“Huh?” I said tryin to gather myself.

Just then she opened the door and she was standin there in black laced Vicky Sec’s and a cream silk robe. Her hair was down and she had on MAKE UP! GOOOD DAAAAAMN!!! My mouth dropped and I almost dropped the sack I was holdin behind my back for her! YEA YOU ALREADY KNOW WHO WOKE UP! SHIT GOD DAMN! HA!

“Wha…Wha…Damn woman.” I stuttered.

“Yew like?” She said lettin the robe fall to the floor and turnin but stumbled.

SHIT!

“Whoa!” I said as grabbed for her before she could fall.

“I’mm ok…I’m ok.” She said tryin to stand up straight then lookin at the sack I still had in my hand.

“You sure…You almost busted yo ass!” I said laughin.

“Shut up! Iss that forr meh?” She said reachin for the sack.

“Yea…Brought you some Rosco-“ I stopped as she snatched the sack out my hand and wobbled her way to the kitchen.

WELL DAMN!

“Okaaay.” I blinked and picked my bag up before I closed and locked the door.

I heard her microwave goin so I went to her room and pulled my basketball shorts out. I got undressed put’em on and went back out to the livin room where she was now DEVOURIN THE FOOD!

DAMN!

“Guess you was hungry huh?” I said laughin lightly.

“You knoow I-“ She stopped as she looked up at me and took my chest in.

Hmmm…

I didn’t say nothin just smiled and went to the kitchen and poured her a glass of orange juice. Even tho I was MISSIN HER BAD! I had already decided I wasn’t bout to initiate nothin…Especially while she was still hurtin and fucked up. So…it would have to be her move.

“You good now?” I asked as I sat down handin her the glass.

“A little…Still spinnin tho” She said nervously sippin the juice and not lookin at me.

“Eat some more…It’ll stop.” I said sittin back and lookin at the TV. “So where Xena and lil mama?”

“Xena went to her boyfriend’s and Tank’s in town for a week so Zoey is with him.” She said puttin the glass down.

“Word! I’mma have to hit him up…Man she gettin so big!” I said smilin.

“Yea I know and just the sweetest thing…” She trailed off with a slight smile.

“Yea…” I said as my mind drifted to Cheyanne.

Damn…

I woulda had a kindergartner by now…Man just the thought was CRAZY! I would watch all the homies around me with the little ones…And couldn’t help but think of how she would have been my lil mini me! I woulda made sure she was the freshest walkin into her class! HA! Laced her with everythin her lil heart desired. She woulda been my world.

Damn…

“So they accepted the songs.” She said snappin me out of my thoughts.

“Word.” I said sittin up.

“Yup aaand…” She said pausin.

“And What?” I said raising my eyebrow.

“She wants to meet up with me.” She said still not lookin at me.

WOW

I couldn’t help but be shocked I mean…Sweets and Rob’s history had been well ROCKY to say the least…So this was definitely surreal. I honestly didn’t know how to feel about it. WHAT DID SHE WANT TO MEET UP WITH HER FOR?

“So you gonna go?” I finally asked her.

“Well I mean I don’t know…Not like we been on speakin terms and the last time I saw her was in the club a few months back and she acted like she didn’t see me the whole time even tho our tables were right next to each other…So yea I just don’t need no fake shit!” She said bluntly and pickin at her waffles.

“I feel you but…I mean you gotta expect that she would wanna smooth things over if ya’ll gonna be workin together.” I said runnin my hands through my curls.

“Hm…Still I don’t need no funny shit poppin off cause the way I’m feelin…Mommi might get her wish if she come at me slick.” She said finally lookin at me.

CRAZY!

“See you aint gotta go into thinkin like that…Just handle that shit like business and let that be that…You know?”  I said sittin back.

“I know…But I’m tellin you she say one thing off bout you and I’m goin to jail…Period!” She said puttin the box on the table.

WOW

“Sweets promise me you ain’t gonna wile out…You betta than that shit.” I said sittin up and facin her cause I knew she meant it.

“I know I am…But I also aint gonna let the bitch be disrespectful or fake either!” She said gettin up takin the glass and box to the kitchen.

Aw shit.

“You so damn stubborn…Just promise me man.” I said gettin up and followin her.

“Chris I can’t promise you that…All I know is you betta pray for ha….And hope she keeps that shit cute!” She said puttin the glass in the sink.

Damn.

“Aight fine…Just don’t call my ass collect cause I ain’t gettin yo crazy ass out!” I said laughin lightly.

“Ch…The hell you aren’t!” She said laughin lightly and hittin me in the arm.

“Hell nah cause I tol ya not to do it…Hardheaded!” I said laughin “Gone be in that bitch like He really not answerin his phone! Nope!” I said laughin harder.

“You aint shit…You would never!” She said pushin me as she walked back into the livin room and sat down.

“Yea I would! Ya crazy ass gone learn and I’m gone teach ya!” I said sittin down beside her.

“Whatever…” She said smilin then lookin at my hair and run her fingers through it lightly. “Love your hair like that.”

“Yea thought I’d rock em for a while you know for Momm-“ I stopped.

 I saw the smile leave her face. I could literally see everythin come floodin back in her eyes. Damn. I didn’t mean to bring her down. Mommi loved my curls so I had been lettin my hair grow out for her for a little while now…I just never told Sweets.

“Aye look I’m sorry.” I said scootin closer to her.

“Nah…You ok…I just didn’t know they were for her…You don’t have to stop yourself if you wanna talk about her…I actually need that…Makes it feel like she’s still here.” She said lookin back up at me. “You should do somethin crazy like dye it blonde or somethin.”

“Dye it blonde?” I said laughin

“Yea…Just bust out like LOOK AT ME NOW BITCHES!” She said laughin and trailin her fingers down to my ear.

Damn don’t do that…

“Aight! I can do that…” I said brushin her hair off her shoulder.

“Really?” She said shiverin as I ran my fingers down her stars tatt on her side.

“Yup.” I said lookin at her as she took her hand away from my ear.

“Chris.” She said quietly lookin down.

“Yea.” I answered watchin her turn to me.

“Will you…” She said stoppin and playin with her fingers.

 I knew…She aint even gotta ask…

 She went to say the rest but I didn’t let her finish…I lifted her chin towards me…I read her mind for a few seconds then leaned in close to her and waited. She started breathin heavy and then kissed me softly. Normally I would have went into full autopilot but not this time. For some reason I wanted to take it all in. No rush. But she began kiss me with so much passion I had to try and keep control. She pushed me back on the couch and looked at me.  She slowly straddled me and kissed me deep again. Shit. I ran my hands up her thighs to her back and she pulled away holdin my face and searchin my eyes.

Just say it…

“Make love to me.”  

 

Yes… Mrs. Breezy…

“When it’s all said and done…I’mma make you number one…”

(Sweets POV)

 

Chris’s break up with Jasmine was pretty embarassin for him. I mean as much as he did deserve to have a taste of his own medicine…What I really hoped most was that he learned from it!  Hoped that he would take his time before he rushed into relationship after relationship! And even though he had told me he didn’t love her yet…He was definitely startin to fall and I could tell that that is what made him feel embarrassed the most. Even tho I wanted to find her and FUCK HER UP…I realized this wasn’t my battle…It was time for me to let him handle this on his own. He was already bein hounded about it…Everyone was wonderin how he let Rob Kardashian of all people steal his girl. What they didn’t understand was when someone is in it for ulterior motives nobody can STEAL anythin…She got what she wanted which was EXPOSURE…DICK and then MOVED ON TO ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY! Just that simple! Of course she continued to call him and want to talk things out but Chris was pretty adamant that he was over them bein in a relationship…EVER AGAIN! Hell he even unfollowed her on twitter!

OOPS!

I kept my opinions on the whole situation to myself because well I didn’t know much about what had went on between them…Hell they only made it to 2 months! So I didn’t even have time to feel the girl out! I just chalked it up to her bein young! I could tell Chris was grateful that I didn’t throw it up in his face…And there really wasn’t a need to THE WORLD WAS DOIN IT ALREADY! I really did hate that every little thing that happened to him had to be EXPOSED to the world. But that is the life he chose…And the reason I fought hard to keep what we had in the past PRIVATE!

THE PRICE OF FAME

I had finished up the tracks that I had co-wrote with Ester a month ago and we had to wait to see if they were goin to be accept by Rob and her label. I had felt uneasy with the thought of my thoughts comin out of her mouth…But after talkin to Kev about it some more he said to think of it as me writin a play and she just happens to be the one actin out MY STORY! I really loved the insight he had…He said that’s how he handles writin for Chris…Even though Chris writes most of his own parts…Some of the songs are his words and Chris is actin them out. I was definitely intrigued on which ones exactly he wrote…Especially after him lettin me know that he writes about ME! Since the night in the studio we haven’t even spoke about it…I could tell that was the type of person he was…If it wasn’t somethin he could change or act on at the moment he would move on…No pressure. I loved it! We had become really close though….Hangin out more workin on he new mixtape with Seven. It was weird havin to oversee his project as well as make sure him, Seven and now Joelle were gettin adjusted to regualer studio life. It helped that Tina and Chris were really hands on with teachin me what I needed to do as far as artist development…It was DRAININ but excitin and I love a CHALLENGE!

 I had set them all up in my condos…Well Joelle and Seven shared one and I set Kev up with a two bedroom because he had just welcomed Jenesis Mccall to the world! I fell in love with her instantly! I would joke with him and tell him to go get My BABY! He would have the biggest smile on his face and sure enough would bring her to the studio so I could hold her for hours! I knew he appreciated the help and I also noticed I was only one of the FEW people he would let hold her! When we would take her out places people would compliment us…I would try and tell them that she wasn’t mine but most of the time Kev would just say thank you and wink at me.

WOW

I would find myself gazin at her small body and wonder what could have been of Cheyanne. She would have just turned 5…Ready to start school. Could you imagine the headlines! CHRIS BROWN’S DAUGHTER STARTS HER FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! It would have been CRAZY! I often thought of how different a person Chris would have been….How different his path would have turned out…How different OUR lives would have been. But like he told me years ago…Everythin happens for a reason and it’s not our place to question it. I can’t help it sometimes though…I still wondered. I would see Chris watch me with Jeni and it was the first time I saw a mixture of sadness and hurt in his eyes. I knew he loved kids and it seemed like everyone around him had one. Hell even Shad just got the results to his paternity and YES HE WAS A DADDY NOW! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! I also told him to make sure he had an extra car seat for me cause when he was in town HE HAD TO BRING ME MY OTHER BABY! HA! Chris was always so good with all the kids…He would just light up from their innocence…But somethin told me he yearned now for the one WE would have had….Together.

 Everythin was changin…We were all changin…Growin and goin on our on paths. I had started meditatin and gettin into yoga. I tried it out with my bestie Tae and Xena a few times and it was really helpin me. Especially my anger and impatience! Chris thought it was neat but he refused to do it with me! He said that he didn’t want to be doin nothin that could make him bend to smell his own butt! HAHA! Just crazy!

NEW THINGS

At the beginnin of July I had started seein an old female friend of mine from back in the day. We used to have so much fun runnin around and gettin into shit with her and her crew! I always thought she was the sweetest! It wasn’t til right before I met Chris that I even found out she was Bi! But we were young and just experimented…Nothin came of it and we lost touch til I ran into her while I shoppin for Chris’s outfit for the BET Awards. I was so happy to see her again…She said she was a hostess now and was tryin to get into fashion. I was too excited because we had so much in common now! So when she let it be known that she wanted to spark things up with me I was feelin it! I just had one rule for myself…IM NOT INTRODUCIN HER TO CHRIS! Hell I wasn’t goin down the same road I went down with Draya and Deanna…Uh Uh! I didn’t even tell her Chris’s real name…I mean there was no need. The only draw back to the whole situation…She had a MAN! SHIT! I wasn’t sure how I felt about it at first cause well I liked her and dug what we were doin but…I wasn’t cool with the sharin thing again. I mean I REALLY REALLY was startin to fall for her… So by the beginnin of August I called it off…She seemed pretty down and so was I but I wasn’t puttin myself back in that situation…NOT EVEN IF SHE WAS BAD! It sucked cause it seemed I couldn’t get this datin thing right NO MATTER WHICH SIDE I CHOSE!

BACK TO REALITY

When Mommi called me and told me she was sick I really didn’t think much of it. She told me she had this naggin cold that wouldn’t go away so I told her to take her medicine and get some rest…I mean she was always on the go so I knew her body must have been tired.  I also knew she had had some health issues but nothin ever too serious. She just needed to slow down! I was in the studio at the time when I got the call from Bette. I knew somethin was wrong cause I could barely understand her….She was cryin. When I realized that I immediately walked away from Mijo and Chris in mid conversation and went to the hallway to hear her better.

When she let those two words come out her mouth my world STOPPED. I couldn’t register them….It sounded like gibberish….There was no way she was sayin to me what I heard.

“She’s gone.”

My heart started poundin and I felt myself begin to sweat….I felt like I had a ton of bricks on my chest…The last person left in my life to make me whole…Was gone. I didn’t even know when I started but I let out a scream that felt like it came from the depths of my soul. I couldn’t stop…I screamed and screamed until I felt arms wrap around me. I couldn’t think ALL I COULD DO WAS SCREAM!

“Sweets what the hell is goin on?” I heard Chris say as Mijo picked my phone up off the ground.

“NOOOOO NOOOOO NOOOOO!” I continued to scream as he tried to hold on to me.

“SWEETS WHAT IS IT? TELL ME!” He said now tryin to block my swings as I began to fight.

“SHE CAN’T GO! NOOOOO….I DON’T HAVE NOBODY! SHE CAN’T BE GONE!” I yelled as I heard Mijo talkin on my phone.

“Oh my god…” I heard Mijo say quietly.

“WHAT?” I heard Chris say as he tried to bear hug me as Pat, Seven and Kevin ran over.

“She…Fuck man…Mommi gone man.” I heard Mijo say with pain in his voice and everbody gasped.

“NOOOO SHE NOT…YOUR LYIN! SHE’S OK….SHE JUST HAD TO REST!” I finally screamed as me and Chris collapsed to the floor.

“No..This….Shhh…Baby shhhh.” I heard Chris barely get out as he began to rock me.

“Nooooo….It’s not right…..This is a…a joke….Chris tell me….Tell me this not real.” I said with tears pourin down my face and my heart achin.

“I’m sorry.” Was all he could get out as Kevin, Seven and Pat stood over us.

I saw Mijo breakdown as Pat tried to hold him up.

I GOT TO GET AWAY!

I finally looked up into Chris eyes full of tears and I couldn’t take it…IT WAS REAL. I pulled away from him and got to my feet…I ran right out the door. I heard everyone callin for me but I kept goin I ran as hard I could…I had no idea where I was goin…My mind was in a fog…My heart felt like it was bleedin…My head was poundin…But at that moment I didn’t care….I just kept runnin. When I finally felt like I was gonna collapse I had reached a park and slowed down just then I felt arms wrap around me and we fell to the ground. I began kickin and screamin and then I heard Chris’s voice tellin me to stop. I was so distraught I couldn’t bring myself to do it. So he just held on to me tighter then I felt another pair of strong arms pick me up. When I finally stopped fightin I realized it was Pat. I don’t know if it was the lovin look in his eyes or me feelin like I couldn’t fight no more but I relaxed in his arms and cried hard as he carried me to the Escalade.

 I wanted to die…

The one person in the world that I knew I couldn’t live without was now gone…I was in a daze as me, Chris, Mijo, Pat and Tina all flew to Atlanta so that I could make the arrangements. I couldn’t focus on anythin. When we arrived I felt like the walkin dead…I couldn’t do anythin but cry so my Aunt, Bette and Chris had Tina took over. I couldn’t begin to describe the feelin if I tried…The hole in my heart was so big I felt that nothin could ever fill it again. I layed in my bed for two days….I couldn’t sleep….I couldn’t eat…I couldn’t do nothin but cry as Chris held me. I had no idea she had been sufferin from Lupus for two years….Why didn’t she tell me…

NEVER CAN SAY GOODBYE

By the day of the funeral I was still in shambles… But I had finally mustered enough strength to finally shower and try to get dressed as Chris and Randa helped me. I sat there in the front pew starin at her coffin…Motionless. I was aware of everyone around me….all the hugs and the condolences…Even Chris and Mama J holdin my hands the entire time and never leavin my side. But I was not there. After the actual burial and the gatherin at my house…I didn’t want to do anythin but lay in my bed holdin her favorite pendant from my Granmema. It hurt more cause she was too sick to fly from Trinidad to ATL. As the silence surrounded me…It all sank in…I was now an ORPHAN. No more calls…No more laughs…No more dirty jokes…No more conversations about grandbabies and marryin Chris. Everythin as I knew it was NO MORE.

How do I go on…

 The next mornin I was awaken by a heated conversation that was goin on between Chris and Tina downstairs. I couldn’t make out what was bein said so I finally drug myself out of bed and slowly crept down the stairs. When I finally got down there Mama J, Tina and Chris were goin back and forth in the livin room.

“Chris you have to go…It’s your obligation!” Tina shot at him pleadingly.

“NO THIS IS MY OBLIGATION! IF YOU OR ANYBODY ELSE CAN’T UNDERSTAND THAT THEN FUCK EVERYBODY!” He yelled back throwin his hands in the air.

What?

“CHRIS! You got to calm down…She is just sayin you can fly out to the premiere and then you can come right back…You’ll back by tomorrow mornin.” I saw Mama try and reason with him. “I’ll stay here with her…She will be ok baby.”

“Nah Momma…I told ya’ll I ain’t leavin her….not like this…I don’t give damn about that premiere right now…All I care about is makin sure Sweets is ok…I’m all she got lef-“ He stopped as I heard his voice crack and then he cleared it. “I ain’t goin…Period.”

Go…

I slowly walked into the livin room and before Tina could respond they all looked over at me. I was so numb inside that when I spoke I didn’t even recognize my own voice.

“You gotto go.” I said dryly as I watched him walk over to me.

“Baby I ain’t leavin you…Fuck that.” He said grabbin a hold of my hands.

“Chris…You can’t afford to blow it off…You have to go.” I said numbly.

“No.” He said clenchin his jaw and shakin his head.

I looked over at Mama who had her hand over her mouth and I could tell was gettin emotional cause she was turnin red…Then I looked at Tina who looked torn by havin to enforce this decision at a time like this. I looked back up and Chris hadn’t takin his eyes off me but he was now holdin my hands tighter.

He had to go…For Mommi

“Then I’ll go with you.” I said without emotion.

“Baby you need to rest.” He said firmly.

“No…Mommi waited 2 years to see you in this movie and we are all goin to watch it together…I’m goin with you.” I confessed tryin to hold back the pain that was seepin to the surface. “She wanted to see you dressed to the nines by m…me…So we are goin.”

“Sweets.” He began to protest but stopped as we heard Mama sniff.

“You got me?” I finally asked feelin my voice shake harder.

“I g-got you.” He said as his lips began to shake.

 

“Den les ride Bebeh.” I heard Mommi say to him.

 

“Den les ride Bebeh.” I said as her voice came through mine and I reached up and cupped his face.

I saw him close his eyes tight and squeeze my hand. He lowered his head that was now full of curls. He blew out a deep sigh and answered as they would end their conversations.

“To de stars an back.” He said finally openin his eyes droppin tears.

He was her pick…The one she trusted me with…No one could ever compare…She wanted him to soar to the stars…She wanted him at peace and that’s what I was gonna make sure of…

“Take care of mi Bebeh, Chris.”

“Always, Mommi, Always.”

 

To de stars an back…

“My heart big…But it beat quiet…”

(Chris POV)

 

I sat there tryin to figure out if I heard her right…I mean I knew she was mad cause she left NY without even so much as a call. My flight had just got into LA from NY and I wanted to talk to her about somethin HUGE that just got confirmed! I hated when we were at odds…Shit fucked with me somethin crazy! I took a second and decided to………Beg.

“Sweets Please…I only want to talk to you.” I said sincerely as possible.

“B…” I heard her sigh deeply.

“Look I swear I just need to talk…You wanna go eat?” I said throwin out a neutral place.

“We talkin now.” She said dryly.

DAMN!

“Ok yeeaa…But I’d rather talk to you face to face…Come ooon.” I begged some more.

“Stop whinin…God!” She said laughin lightly.

BINGO!

“I wiiilll if you Comme with meee…Pleeeeaase.” I whined some more.

“Look I’m tired…I just finished this song…I just want to lay down.” She said sighin.

“Word? Can I hear it?” I asked

“It’s… personal.” She hestitated.

Wow…

“Un…I see…It’s about me.” I said sittin back and sighin in my seat.

“Might be…Might be not….” She said like she was lost in her thoughts.

“Hmmm…Well Look here…How bout you turn ya car off…Come get in mine and we can go talk about it plus I got some super excitin news! You gonna flip!” I said revealin I was lookin dead at her.

WHAT?? YOU THINK I DIDN’T KNOW WHERE SHE WAS?

I saw her look around tryin to see where I was.

“What? Where are you?” She said lookin around some more.

“Over…No other way…Lean forward…Heeey Beautiful!” I said smilin and wavin at her.

“B! What the hell!” She said shakin her head.

“Whaaat?” I said innocently.

“Fuckin stalker!” She said now laughin.

 FOR YOU…YES I AM!

“Hey nah it’s not stalkin…I just so happened to be in the same place as you…Its fully legal.” I said laughin.

“Whatever….WHY THE HELL ARE WE STILL ON THE PHONE!” She yelled and laughed harder.

“Iont know woman! Get out the damn car and come on!” I said laughin.

“I’m comin! Bye!” She said shakin her head and hangin up.

Love her…

I saw her gather her purse and laptop…Then step out her Lambo and hit the chirp. I swear watchin her do that shit like a BOSS was SEXY AS HELL!!! She was just so CONFIDENT now…Like YEA I GOT MY OWN! It was the sexiest thing EVER! Just knowin her beginnins and how much she had been through. Seein her SHININ SO BRIGHT like I always knew she would…Just made me smile so hard my face ached!

 MY DIAMOND WAS NO LONGER IN THE ROUGH!

She got in and punched me in the arm! OUCH! I just laughed…I could tell she was really tired by her eyes. But I had GOOD news and I wanted her to be the FIRST to know! I sped off out the parkin lot and we ended up at a random ass diner…seemed like it was the only one open at damn near 4 in the mornin. I preferred Waffle House but it was LA! We got us a booth and I felt my phone vibrate. I checked it as I looked over the menu: JASIMINE. I let it go to voicemail. I figured she was just tryin to see if I had made it to LA but I wanted Sweets to have my full attention so she wasn’t gonna get a call back til tomorrow.

“So what’s this gooood news you wanted to tell me?” She said rubbin her sleepy eyes.

“Damn…I wasn’t gonna tell you yet!” I said lookin at the menu.

“Ch…B…Just tell me!” She said crossin her arms.

“Hey I was tryin to be dramatic and let it build up! You so damn impatient!” I said smilin at her.

“Pleeease…You the most anxious and impatient person I know… ADHD!” She said laughin.

“Why I gotta be ADHD?” I said laughin.

“Cause you are with ya 10 Second Tim ass! It’s a wonder you get anything done!” She said puttin her menu down and laughin.

“ Wow you gonna hit me with the 50 first dates! Aight…Aight…Aye I can focus when I need to…Just hate waitin that shits the worse!” I said scratchin the side of my head and laughin lightly.

“Hm …Yea I know.” She mumbled rollin her eyes and openin her laptop.

“What you mean by that?” I asked knowin what she meant.

“You have a serious problem waitin on a good thing…You rather have instant gratification.” She said without hesitation.

DAMN!

“How you know I aint waitin?” I fired back and looked her dead in the eyes.

What she didn’t know was I never slept with Jas after I took her home…She was tryin to but I told her I was just chillin. She got a big attitude with me and then told me she had some go-sees to go to the next mornin so she was goin to bed. I didn’t let it phase me and told her cool and left. I could tell it was somethin about her that I couldn’t quite put my finger on…Like she had this “GOOD GIRL” routine down to a science but I can spot a… Well I hate to say it but… A “HOE” a mile away and if she wasn’t one she definitely was borderline and tryin hard to hide it! I still said I was gonna give her the benefit of the doubt but I wasn’t gonna give her the dick just yet! I mean if she was frontin…Then she couldn’t keep up the “GOOD GIRL” face for long! Am I right?

“Pssh…Who you tryin to fool? You know you had Ms. Model Chicks legs up in the air so fast her head was spinnin!” She said laughin but irritated.

No. You’re wrong.

“If that’s what you think.” I said sittin back and tryin to hide my disappointment with her faith in me.

“I don’t have to think it…I know it…I been there remember?” She said clickin her laptop and music began to play.

I just shook my head…She really felt like I was some heartless hoeish ass nigga runnin around fuckin everybody! Ok…So yea I admit I got a decent number under my belt but I aint suckin and fuckin everythin with a BIG BUTT AND A SMILE! Nobody might believe it but a nigga is picky! Damn…Have SOME faith in ME! Truthfully if I could just HAVE HER BACK…None of them would exist.

 “Yea aight… Guess you keep forgettin your special…” I said lookin away.

She didn’t respond…She just looked at me for a seconds as I heard her voice comin from the laptop. It made me sit up cause I couldn’t believe Kev had actually got her in the booth…. I raised my eyebrow and clenched my jaw cause…..I was the ONLY ONE that could……do that…..

“So you recorded yourself?” I said lookin at her tryin to bury the erry feelin in my stomach.

“Yea…Well Seven and Kev’s friend Treasure helped with backgrounds…but that’s all me…It’s a rough demo…Just somethin Keri can use you know…” She trailin off rubbin the back of her neck and lookin down.

“Wow…” I said makin a mental note and now tryin to listen to the words.

I could hear the pain in her voice…Every word of the last half of the song felt like I was bein stabbed a million times…But the part that made me sit back and fight the tears that were stingin the back of my eyes out of nowhere was when she said :

“You told me that you would take care of me

You lied…You lied

You told me that you was the best for me

You lied…You lied

Cause you came up empty

I feel like you tricked me

Everythin you said you’d give me

You couldn’t give me” 

The words hit my heart so hard that I started coughin out of nowhere…SHIT! She had murdered me! The guilt was so damn strong I couldn’t do nothin but sip my water and be tortured by the rest of it…Cause…It was ALL TRUE and now I knew how she REALLY felt. I saw her sit back with her head down and close her eyes. I knew these were the things she had been holdin back from me…Why she wouldn’t sleep with me….Why she wouldn’t be with me……Somewhere I had broke US.

“I gave all of my love to HIM

 Hoorah…Hoorah..

I gave all my love to HIM

 Hoorah…Hoorah”

We both sat there in silence as I buried the tears that were threatenin to drop. All I could do was look at her…She kept her eyes closed…I knew she was fightin her tears too. I never wanted to make her cry…I never wanted to make her hurt…But I had. I finally got the nerve to speak but the waiter came up to take our orders. We gave him the orders and I waited for him to walk away.

“I never meant to be like that…” I finally said quietly.

“Things happen Chris…Life gets in the way of our vision sometimes…” She said tryin to stop her voice from shakin.

“But I knew better…” I said beatin myself up inside.

Stupid…

“We both did…” She said lookin at me. “But you can’t change the past.”

“You can work on the future tho.” I said sittin up and grabbin her hand gently.

I saw her sigh and look at me as if she was searchin my soul…It gave me chills cause it was like she was lookin right in me. She waited for a second and then the moment faded from her eyes.

Damn…

“So you gonna tell me what your news is?” She said slowly slidin her hand out of mine.

“Well if you must know I talked to Stephen Hill.” I said pausin.

“Really?” She said sittin back and raising her eyebrow.

“Yup and he told me I could do the Michael tribute at the awards!” I said waitin for her reaction.

“WHAT! OH MY GOOOOOD CHRIS!” She said jumpin across the table at me.

DAMN WOMAN!

She grabbed a hold of me and squeezed me so tight and kept squealin! She was SO DAMN HAPPY you woulda thought I had just asked her to MARRY ME! She then jumped up from the booth and started jumpin around and then did a  MJ kick and grabbed her crotch! WOW! I couldn’t help but laugh! The few people that were in the diner started starin at us…

“HE GONNA DO THE MICHAEL JACKSON TRIBUTE BITCHES!” She yelled to the other customers.

“Sweets! Woman sit yo ass down!” I said laughin and feelin embarrassed.

“WHAT! Do you know how biiiiig this is? Oh My God!” She said pullin on my shirt as the waiter came over with our food and put it on the table.

“Yes I know…Believe me I am freakin out!” I said tryin to get her death grip off my shirt.

“He bout to do the Michael Jackson tribute on BET…Make sure you watch!” She promo’d to the waiter.

“Wow really! That’s so cool! You’re Chris Brown right?” The young guy asked.

“Yea.” I said nervously waitin for what he would say next.

“Bro I knew it was you…Everybody in the back said it wasn’t but I knew! Oh My God your gonna kill it…You do Michael’s moves better than anyone I have ever seen!” He said gettin excited.

THANKS!

“Well I try…But thanks bro!” I said imitatin him slightly.

“Wow…Hey don’t worry about this… It’s on me…My Boss hates me any way so what’s addin a free meal to it!” He said laughin.

WELP!

“Nah man I wouldn’t want you to get fired…It’s just food…How bout you just make sure you watch the show…And tell ya friends…It’s gonna be crazy!” I advised.

“Ok…I’m there! Before you leave can I get your autograph or a pic bro?” He asked.

“Sure!” I said

“Ok…I gotta go…Oh no disrespect but your girlfriend is hot!” He said lookin over at Sweets and turnin red.

WOW

“Oh I’m n-“

“Thanks Bro!” I said cuttin her off and then winkin at her.

 “No problem!” He said walkin back to the kitchen.

She shook her head and smiled as she sat down. I mean WHAT? She will always be my girl in my eyes…Whenever she get through! We ate and talked over costume idea’s for the show….I wanted everythin to be authentic MJ…I had to make this the most MEMORABLE TRIBUTE TO MJ EVER! It was my redemption…Redemption for bein shut out last year…Redemption for my mistake and It was all gonna be shared with the one person I wanted to be redeemed with the most…Sweets. After we laughed and talked til we were damn near delirious we bounced. I was on my way to take to her car but she passed out on me. So I decided to turn around and head to my house. When I got there I tried to wake her but she was exhausted and snorin. I shook my head and smiled at how even with her mouth wide open she was still so beautiful. I go out and carried her in the house up to her old room. I slipped her J’s off and put the covers over her. I thought by all the movement she would at least open an eye or somethin… but nothin! I sat on the bed and watched her sleep. So peaceful…So beautiful…Just perfect. After abut 15 minutes of just watchin her and feelin like a STRAIGHT STALKER! I laughed at myself and kissed her forehead. I got up and before I could get to the door I heard her speak.

“Stay with me…” She said sleeply.

Damn…

“I’ll see you later…Get some sleep.” I said yellin at myself in my head STAY!

“Mmm…Ok..” She said driftin back out.

“Goodnight Beautiful…” I whispered and left the room.

HAD TO RESPECT HER WISHES

By the time the BET awards rehearsals came I was SHITTIN BRICKS! I had never been more scared to perform in my life! I mean I had did the THRILLER tribute IN FRONT OF MJ! And I still didn’t feel like I felt right then! I got through the rehearsals and was waitin backstage for my cue….What made my nerves worse was Jermaine Jackson told me the family PERSONALLY wanted me to do the tribute to MJ! I swear I wanted to FAINT! I guess Sweets saw how I was scared as hell but tryin to keep my cool and had everybody clear out the trailer so me and her were alone.

“You can do this you know.” She said checkin my white belt from THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL video.

“I’m scared…” I admitted.

“I know…But you doin this for him…But most of all I believe he made this happen for you….When you get out there he is gonna be right with you.” She said lookin up at me and holdin my hand. “It’s destiny.”

I hope so…

“I just don’t know how they gonna react…That shit got my nerves shot!” I confessed.

“Chris…You got this…You hear me…You go out there and show’em your heart…They won’t have a choice but to accept it.” She said so calm placin my fedora on my head and tippin it.

I really hope so…

I felt myself calm down some and I heard the producer call for me in my earpiece…Guess it’s SHOWTIME! But before she could pull away from me I grabbed her face and kissed her lightly….I was in shock when she kissed me back! I held her there til we heard a knock on the door and then the producer came in.

“Chris you got to get into position it’s time!” She said frantically.

“Ok” I said lookin at Sweets on last time.

“You know you the best right?” I said to her.

“I got you.” She said winkin and smilin at me.

“Forever.” I said pullin away winkin back at her and runnin out the door.

TRACKS OF MY TEARS

I had made it through the entire performance…Every step…Precision…Channelin everythin I had studied for 3 days straight…It all came together. I was on autopilot…I didn’t think of anythin…or anybody…It was like the whole auditorium was empty. Just MJ and my heartbeat. I was doin this for my idol…Showin him the proper respect that I felt he deserved…It wasn’t about Chris Brown….It was about payin homage to the KING! I had made it to the end when I heard the music start for MAN IN THE MIRROR …Besides the fact that it was one of my favorite songs…Every word…All the emotion behind it…Just hit home…When I grabbed the mic ….I felt myself break. I didn’t want to and especially not in front of thousands of people but my emotions…Everythin I had been holdin back…All the hate I had faced…The pain I endured because of my mistake…Havin the opportunity to even do this…Poured out of me like a river! I tried to fight through it and keep singin but my body and emotions were doin their on thing! I felt like I was 7 years old cryin for my Daddy.

AFTER SHOCK

Once it was all said and done I felt like I gave my best performance EVER! The crowd gave me a standin ovation and Jermaine thanked me. There was no better feelin than that!  I got backstage and everyone was congratulatin me and tellin me to keep my head up…Of course I was EMBARASSED AS HELL that I had just CRIED on live TV…but FUCK IT!

When I got back to my trailer Momma  and Tina were in tears… I gave Momma the biggest hug and she told me she was proud of me…Once I kissed her on the cheek I saw Sweets lookin at me with tears still streamin down her face. I walked over to her…She shocked me cause she jumped up and wrapped her legs around me and her arms around my neck even tighter. I rocked her as she cried into my neck.

“We’re gonna go baby…Proud of you…Love you.” Momma said with an emotional voice.

“I love you too Momma.” I said tryin to fight my tears again.

Once Mama and Tina left out… Sweets slowly lowered her self down and began to wipe her face. I helped her as she looked up at me.

“You did it…” She said in almost a whisper. “It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

I couldn’t even speak cause the emotions were comin back up so I just grabbed a hold of her and held her tight. This moment…This night was everythin to me…And I was able to share with …the one person that means the most except my Momma…my bestfriend….The love of my life…

“I love you Chris.” She said into my chest.

“I love you too.” I said kissin her forehead.

“Ok…Ok…No more tears.” She said pullin back and wiping her face.

“Yea…I think I did that enough for everybody.” I said laughin lightly.

“We gotta get you ready for you after/ welcome back party!” She said smilin.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” I said runnin my hand over my face.

“Oh you in there baby! You’re back!” She said smilin harder.

“Think so?” I asked her.

“Yup…Greatness can not be denied.” She said winkin at me.

The best yo…

“Aight then…Get out of here woman…I gotta change…Time to get fresh!” I said smilin at her.

“Ok I’ll see you in a little bit.” She said walkin to the door.

“Thank you.” I said as she was about to leave.

“Just doin what I do…Now hurry up!” She said walkin out.

I didn’t kno what this night was gonna bring but I did feel it was gonna be great…I felt like I could finally breathe again…I kept runnin back in my mind what Sweets had just said…all I could hope was she was right.

“Greatness can not be denied.”

I aint done yet…

“If your leavin the club…Shawty hurry up…So we can get this party started…”

(Sweets POV)

When I closed the door to my room I SCREAMED!!AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! This was drivin me crazy! I was tryin my hardest not to just go runnin back to Chris. I mean every single time I did… It went horribly WRONG! Why couldn’t I just be FRIENDS with him and not be ATTRACTED? I mean is that so HARD! Well obviously it is. Why couldn’t he just stay behind the friend line…Turn ugly to me and that be that! I mean I was able to do it with TREY! Me and Trey were actually back to where we were before we got together! I actually enjoyed hangin out with him and he never tries anythin anymore. Well other than still profess that he is in love with me but Psssh!…It’s like old sweet bestfriend Trey was back! Which I thought would never be seen again! He even THINKS BEFORE HE SPEAKS AROUND ME! But Chris…Chris…I just can’t seem to shake that damn pull that I’m startin to hate! It’s like he could brush my hair off my shoulder innocently and BAM! I’m back to wantin him! NO! It had only been a week since he broke up with Draya…I couldn’t just go jump on the dick! Well I could…Cause he’s only four doors down and I know he probably aint got no boxers on and I could just sneak some surprise head up on hi- NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

SUCKS

Now I really couldn’t sleep….I was so mad at myself for not just goin through with it…But I knew that this was the best way for now…DON’T COMPLICATE THINGS WITH SEX! I had been readin this book that would help me work out my issues in relationships and one of the chapters said that rushin into sex would only doom a relationship. Chris didn’t know it but I was now celebate! I wasn’t goin to tell him because I knew he would make it his mission to make sure I WASN’T ANYMORE! I mean I was hopin on down the line we could consider a relationship but right now I had to separate our friendship from lust! SO NO MONSTA FOR ME!

WOOOSAH!

After a whole day of Chris havin an OBVIOUS ATTITUDE about not gettin any…He finally came around. I knew he would corner me again so I made it a point to never be ALONE with him NO MATTER WHAT! No more late night talks…No more late night sessions in his studio…No more “Hey come chill with me”….NOTHIN! I knew he had caught on to me avoidin him…But he never made a big deal. He mostly floated around me respectin my space. Which was actually refreshin….I mean I thought it was gonna be a lot harder to get him to back off….but it’s  like he came to terms with it. After a few days we had to head back to LA to shoot No Bullshit. Now I had already braced myself for it. But when I actually saw the treatments…MY MOUTH DROPPED! IT WAS DAMN NEAR A PORNO! I mean the song was pure sex anyway so addin the visuals too it would have any woman squirmin in her seat! HA!

WOOO SHIT!

I tried hard not to think about the fact that Chris was gonna be damn near fuckin another girl in front of me ALL DAY! I figured I would keep myself busy in the wardrobe trailer so that I wouldn’t have to be on set. After the first 6 hours I was bored as hell…But you couldn’t pay me to go to that set! UH UH…it had been almost a month of NO SEX and I knew once I looked at the LIVE PORNO it was gonna be a wrap! By lunch time I finally worked my way to the kraft table and was happy to see Kevin!

“Hey I didn’t know you was here!” He said givin me the biggest hug and showin his dimples.

DAMN!

“Yea…Yea been in the trailer…You know organizin and  re-organizin.” I said not tryin to look at him.

“Damn it’s been almost 7 hours…Everythin in there probably color coordinated!” He said laughin.

“Sad…But it is.” I said laughin and lookin at him then away.

SHIT!

“Well why don’t you come to the set then? You gotta be bored as hell.” He said grabbin a water and handin me one.

 “Yea I am…But once you seen a freaky video you’ve seen them all…I’m alittle over it.” I said nonchalantly.

“Aww it’s not as bad as you think…Colin makin it tasteful…Well tasteful as it can be.” He said laughin showin his dimple.

“Well I might come out for the dance scenes…He shootin that when it gets dark right?” I said takin in his flawless skin.

MMMM.

“Uh…Yea I think so.” He said lookin at me like he was studyin me.

WHAT?

“Ok…Ok…I’ll come over then.” I said feelin awkward so I picked up my salad.

“Aight see you then…You look gorgeous by the way.” He said winkin and walkin off.

WHOA!

I felt chills run down my back for some damn reason. GET IT TOGETHER HELENA!! There was always a small mutual attraction between me and Kevin…But we both dared not speak on it plus his girlfriend was now his soon to be mother of his child. Chris and Kevin had now got super close…So me even thinkin of gettin with him was like me gettin with Shad! OUT OF THE QUESTION! There somethings that have to be left alone…And he was one of them…even if my BODY didn’t want to! THIS CELEBACY & LOYALTY SHIT SUCKS! Once it got dark I headed over to the set. I sat there for another hour watchin Chris kill his dance routine and let me say it was definitely SEX…I mean SEXY! HA! Once the shoot wrapped…It was time for the afterparty of sorts. I got to the club with Janina and Xena first and was there for an hour when Janina was approached by some of her friends. In the group was this tall, smooth, brown skinned guy that looked sooo familiar. He immediately intrigued me because he was kinda just observin. And once I finished my drink…He finally approached me…

“How you doin.” Sexy said.

“I’m good and you.” I said calmly.

“My name is Sterling and yours.” He said cooly.

“Helena.” I said as he held his hand out to me.

“It’s nice meetin you Helena…So you enjoyin yaself?….Cause it seems kinda eh in here.” He said lookin around.

“Well it’s still early…So it might get better.” I said smilin at him.

“Glad you got such a positive outlook…Cause I was about to bounce…But guess I could stay now that I finally talked to you.” He said smilin back.

BEAUTIFUL SMILE!

“Yea see if you woulda left we wouldn’t be havin this corny ass formal conversation.” I said sarcastiacally and laughin lightly.

“I know right! Bein all proper…So how are your stocks and bonds doin?” He said laughin.

WOW HE CORNY TOO!
“There doin well everythin is in the black.” I said laughin more.

“Wow… Beautiful and can crack corny jokes…You the whole package huh?” He said relaxin even more.

“I’m just me…Aint nothin better than a corny joke!” I said smilin harder.

“You got that right…So uh…Let me get the usuals out… Are you single?….You got a man but not really?…Got a stalker ex that gonna jump out from the bushes if we leave together?…Do you have any kids?…and hows your credit?” He said waitin for my answers.

I LIKE HIM!

 “Well alright…Yes…Kinda Sorta…Probably…Only on the weekends…and I might need some help!” I said saracastically.

“Oh Shit!” He said laughin hard.

We both laughed…I couldn’t help but notice his laugh and dimple…He also had the prettiest brown eyes. He just seemed like a regular guy… Which for me was definitely different! Hmmmm.

 “You like that huh?…Yea I’m quick with it!” I said laughin.

“Wow…That was good! So I’m guessin the only true part is that your single?” He said raising his eyebrow.

YEEEEESSS!!!

“You guessed right.” I said putting my glass on the table.

“Cool…Cool…So am I…No Kids and no damn babymama either!” He said with a slight accent.

HE NOT FROM LA! YEEEEESSS!

“Those are always a plus! So where you from Mr. Sterling?” I asked.

“Oh you caught that…I’m originally from Chicago…Been her for a year for work…You from here…I hear a little southern-eastcoast accent…If that’s even possible!” He said putting his glass down.

AND OBSERVANT! WET!!

“You’re actually dead on….I was born here but grew up mostly in Atlanta and New York.” I said feelin my phone vibrate in my pocketbook.

“Ok…Ok…I can dig that! Cause man these straight LA girls is too Hollywood for me…I need somebody that has actually ate some collord greens and cornbread!” He said laughin .

 I CAN MAKE’EM TOO! HA!

“Oh Hell Yeah! And some grits…Shit now I wanna go home and cook.” I said throwin it out there. WHAT?

“WORD! Don’t play! I’ll be the stalker in the bushes jumpin out for a plate of food like STAY AWAY FROM MY WOMAN!” He said bein goofy and loud!

Damn…He remind of…

I was lovin our chemistry it was so causal…Like I had known him forever…I was also lovin that he wasn’t hittin on me! DAMN! I aint had this type of convo since….

“See nah that will get you shot! You from Chicago…You know you don’t go jumpin out on people!” I said pattin his arm lightly as I laughed.

“You right! But for some real ass soul food…I’ll take that damn bullet!” He said getting closer.

Ooo SHIT!

“You crazy!” I said feelin my phone vibrate again. GO AWAY!

“So Ms. Helena you got a number…I would love to crack some more jokes with you.” He said sweetly.

I was about to answer when his friend came and whispered something in his ear. I watched as his expression changed slightly. WHAT??? He then looked down at me and I could see the slight disappointment in his eyes. WHAAAAT???

“Aye uh…I gotta go but it was nice meetin you…You stay beautiful…Honey…See you around.”

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!

“Whoa…Wait! How you know my name is Honey?” I said feelin a flame in my stomach.

“You the homie Trey’s ex aint you?” Sterling’s homie chimed in.

NIGGA WAS I TALKIN TO YOU!

“So!” I said with an attitude.

“Well…He can’t be fuckin with you…That’s his nigga!” The HATER SAID!

THE FUCK?

“Um…Trey don’t own me…I am single and that was 2 and half years ago!” I fired back.

“Well babygirl…Even if it was 10 years ago he can’t fuck wit it…It’s a loyalty thing…Somethin you have a problem with.” The hater said as Sterling watched it all in shock.

“Fuck you mean by that?” I fired.

WHO ARE YOU?

“You know….Wasn’t you with Chris Brown too?” He smirked.

SHIIIIT!

“And your point?” I said ready to sock his ugly ass in the mouth for tellin my business.

“Whoa…Whoa…You was with the homie Chris too?” Sterling finally spoke up.

THE HOMIE? OH GOD!

“Me and Chris are bestfriends…” I lied.

“Bestfriends that was together off and on forever!” The Hater said as Xena walked over.

“NIGGA WHY YOU ALL IN MY FUCKIN BUSINESS!” I finally yelled.

“Cause you a groupie bitch!” The hater said getting closer.

NIGGA FUCK YOU!

I didn’t even think I just swung! I hit his ass dead in the nose. I swung 3 more times as he tried to lunge for me but Xena and Sterling got in between us…I kept tryin to hit the Hater but connected with Sterling’s head.  OOPS! Sterling got pissed and started pushin THE HATER back.

“NIGGA WHAT THE FUCK YOU BOUT TO DO!” I heard him check The Hater.

“Steelo… Man you iont even know that bitch!” The hater said pushin him back.

WHOA!

“RICO…IF DON’T WANNA GET YA ASS BEAT YOU BETTA GET THE FUCK ON!” He said with his accent gettin thicker.

MMMMM.

“FUCK YOU WANNA DO STEELO!” The Hater said squarin up with Sterling.

Before Sterling could respond…Security came and basically manhandled them both out of the VIP and the club! Damn…I felt bad cause he got kicked out tryin to defend me and I was also irritated cause I DIDN’T GET HIS DAMN NUMBER! DAMN! I was still pissed and buzzin so right now I was a mixture of ANGRY and HORNY! FUCK! I mean he was so perfect…and just had to have a hatin ass homeboy! I was really pissed cause the hater made me look like I was some groupie bitch and that is FAAAAR FROM THE TRUTH! And how he Trey’s friend? I aint never seen or heard of him! I was definitely gonna find out!

“Girl was that nigga tryin to fight you?” Xena asked now with Nina standin next to her.

“I don’t know…All I know is he was hatin like hell to Sterling.” I said feelin my phone again.

“Sterling?” Nina asked.

“Sterling…You know Steelo…The fresh meat from Chicago…work over there at the Fantasy Factory.” Xena blurted out.

Fantasy Factory?

“Oh yeah! Steelo…he is so sweet and fuuunny! “ Nina said laughin.

“He work at the Fantasy Factory?….Like Rob Dyrdek…MTV Fantasy Factory!” I said in shock.

“Yea girl…He been on the show for a minute…Him and Rob are friends.” Xena filled me in.

DAMN!

I was in shock cause I loved that show…never missed an episode…and then it hit me! THAT’S WHY HE LOOKED SO FAMILIAR!

“Oh My God…I knew I seen him some where before!” I said as I looked and saw a crowd comin into the VIP.

“Yes girl…I could tell he was feelin you…Wait.” She said textin on her phone.

I waited as I watched the crowd come closer…and that’s when I saw Mijo. WELP! Guess Chris’s is finally here. I grabbed my pocketbook and pulled my phone out so I could text him and that’s when I saw the 3 texts. I checked them:

B: Gotta tell you something.

I was confused so I check the next one.

B: HELLO!

I looked up as the crowd moved closer but I guess he was blocked by Los and Pat cause I couldn’t see him yet. So I checked the last text.

MIJO: Don’t trip but Chris bringin a bitch. Can’t say I didn’t tell you!

WHAAAAT???

I was about to put my phone back when Xena stopped me.

“Ok here girl…I’mma text you his number.” Xena said sendin the text to me.

“O-Ok..” I said distracted cause I was tryin to see who Chris was with.

I waited for Xena’s text when I got another two. DAMN! I checked the first one:

B: Where you at?

I was about to answer when Xena’s text came in…I saved the number and then checked the second text:

TEY: Girl! Chris brought his lil friend. Don’t get mad. Just letting you know.

WHO THE IS THIS BITCH???

I was now irritated…Cause I wanted to know WHO THIS FRIEND WAS? I mean I KNEW about most of his lil stragler bitch’s so I wanted to see this Bitch for myself!

AND WHY EVERYBODY THINK I’M GONNA TRIP!

“Ok you got it?” Xena said as she looked over at Chris crowd.

“Yea I saved it…Look everybody keep tellin me Chris here with some chick.” I said tyin to see through the crowd.

“What?” Xena said lookin at me irritated.

“Yea…Mijo and Tey just text me tellin me not to trip.”

“It betta not be Draya’s ass cause I told her to leave it alone.” Xena said shakin her head.

See Xena was in the middle when it came to me and Draya….Draya was her friend first and when Draya got with Chris…Xena cussed her out and told her she was DEAD ASS WRONG cause she knew me and Chris’s history and I was supposed to be her friend. I told Xena I was over it…Xena was still cool with Draya but not like they were cause of a situation with her ex that was well…stil not fully resolved. GO FIGURE!

“Let’s go see!” Xena said.

“See you tryin to get her into trouble.” Nina said shakin her head.

“No I’m not…I mean they are still bestfriends…Its only right she meet the new girl of the hour!” Xena said laughin.

Damn…

“I wouldn’t want to…Plus she should be callin Steelo…He’s a good guy…See what that’s about…Let you and Chris be…No sense in diggin up the obviously broke past…He need to grow up!” Nina said puttin her drink down.

WHOA!

Now that caught me offguard cause Nina had always pulled for me and Chris…Guess she felt that he couldn’t be serious right now and was tired of seein me hurt behind him. I couldn’t even fault her.

“Wow! Nina…It’s like dat?”

We all looked up and there was Chris lookin at us with his hand on his heart. Damn…

HOW LONG HE BEEN STANDIN THERE????

“Uh…Uh..” Was all Nina could say blushin.

“It’s cool…I got you…A nigga do need to grow up…” Chris said finally standin next to me.

Damn…

“I just meant…You need to make up your mind is all.” Nina clarified.

“I got you…But a nigga know what he want…Just SOMEBODY don’t want that shit right now…So.” He said as he pointed down at me.

PSSSH! WHATEVER!

“Whatever B…So when am I gonna meet you NEW girlfriend?” I fired at him.

He looked down at me in shock. WHAT YOU THINK I WASN’T GONNA FIND OUT?

“Well you can meet her and she NOT my girlfriend…She just a friend…Showin her a good time.” He said makin a face at me.

MMM HMM

“Well we know all about yo good times….She’ll be butt ass naked by mornin!” Xena said laughin and rollin her eyes.

“Ch…Xena why you always talkin shit to me? I aint never did shit to you?” He said soundin crushed.

“NIgga don’t act like I don’t know ALL sides to these stories…But I let you slide cause you my boo’s love.” She said bumpin me.

“Man…See you act like I’m some dog.” He said lookin down at our empty glasses.

WELL….

“Pssh…Prove to me you aint and I wont say shit!” Xena fired back.

“Oh…I will when ya BOO let me.” He said lookin at me again.

WHAT THE FUCK EVER!!

“Hmmm…Well here is your first test cause here come ya FRIEND!” Xena said noddin to Tey walkin over with a girl behind her.

I was blown the fuck away! I looked up at this tall…Fair skinned…Blonde curly haired…Blue eyed…Model esque…ROBYN LOOK- A -LIKE! I swear my mouth dropped! She was stunning! But she also looked familiar…Not because of the OBVIOUS ROBYN FEATURES! But it was like I knew her from somewhere or someone. When she smiled over at him I could see she was feelin him MORE THAN FRIENDS! It took me a second to stop starin so hard…But all I kept thinkin was REALLY CHRIS? SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE ROB!

“Hey Bro!” Tey said nervously “Heeeey Sis!”

“Hey Tey” I said givin her a hug and still lookin at the girl.

“Hey what up ya’ll.” Chris said camly.

I was an awkward silence with Nina and Xena after the both said hi to Tey. We all looked over at Chris and waited for him to introduce HER!

“So what ya’ll drinkin on…Come over to our area so I can refill them glasses!” He said bein silly.

UH…..

“Shit if you got me…I’m there!” Xena said grabbin my hand.

“You know I do…Bout to pop them bottles!” He said tryin to read me.

I was still shook…But I was readin the girl. She seemed young and I could also see her whole personality change as Chris put his arms around Me and Xena’s shoulders and walked us over to his area.

UH OH!

Once we got over there he made sure to hand us all drinks except HER. I was a little curious about that but I didn’t say anythin. I watched as she mostly talked to Tey or stood quietly by Chris who was mostly talkin to Me, Nina, Xena, Mijo, Keeis and Twon. I was confused! Every now and then they would whisper back and forth but Chris didn’t show too much emotion…Just nodded his head and went back to dancin or talkin to whoever. WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN ON? After about an hour I was feelin it…And decided that well she must NOT be a threat so I paid her no mind. I mean what was I supposed to do? Say HEEEY GIRL LET’S BE FRIENDS! Uh Hell No! Who was I to say I was ever gonna see her ass AGAIN!

“So you done avoidin me?” Chris said in to my ear.

“Avoidin you?” I said leanin in cause the music was loud.

“Yea…Yo ass bein runnin track away from me!” He said obviously tipsy acause he put his arm around my waist.

UH NIGGA! BACK UP!

 “I have not…And you occupied anyway…” I said sippin some more.

“Pssh…I told you she’s just a friend…Plus im always available for you.” He said brushin he lips against my ear.

SEE! Damn…

“You alwa-“

“Chris can we go?” I heard HER say interruptin me in a way I had heard before.

I heard him sigh into my ear and then look over at her. She had the most irritated face and was turnin bright ass red!

 WELP!

“We ain’t even been here long.” Chris said obviously irritated by her interruption.

“Well I got to get up early for my shoot…You said we were gonna go spend time alone.” She said then lookin over at me.

BITCH WHAT?

“Damn Jasmine…We are but everybody havin a good time…Shit just now gettin poppin!” He said doin a dance.

JASMINE…

It took me a minute…But then I realized I recognized that name! She was the girl that text him the night he called it off with me! WOOOOW! I didn’t get upset…Cause well even in person she still seemed harmless to me. She looked at him and was not amused. She then turned to Tey and said somethin to her in her ear and I saw Tey look irriatated too.

“Aye ya’ll we bout to roll.” Tey said to us.

“So you gonna leave.” Chris said to Jasmine dryly.

“Yea…I told you I got work in the mornin…I ain’t got time for partyin.” She said matter of factly to him.

DAMN!

“Aight…Cool I’ll holla at you.” Chris said unphased.

WOW!

“You do that.” She snapped back.

“Aight…I’ll get up with you tomorrow Tey.” He said ignorin Jasmine’s now OBVIOUS attitude.

“Aight Bro…Bye Sis…Bye Ya’ll” Tey said walkin out of our area with Jasmine followin.

HMMMM.

I looked over at Chris who had began dancin to the music as he sipped some more of his drink. HE WAS REALLY NOT FAZED! I laughed to myself a little cause he was definitely cold with it…But hey he said she was just a friend so I guess she was just that. After another hour I had chilled out on the drinkin cause if I didn’t my CELEBACY was gonna go out of the window! Especially the way Chris was now all over me…All the touchin and grindin…Mixed with the liq and occasional neck kisses was sendin my hormones OVER THE EDGE! I had to keep my composure…My strength…It was my only line of defense against this SEXY DRUNK MUTHAFUCKA!

“Sweeets come hoome with mee.” He moaned in my ear as her held me from behind.

STOP THAT!

“B…You drunk…Uh Uh.” I said tryin to leave space between my ass and MONSTA!

“SSSS…So…Let me in.” He moaned lightly lickin my ear and pressin me up against MONSTA!

SHIIIIIIIIT!

Before I could answer NO BULLSHIT started playin! FUUUUUUUCK! This shit is just not fair….Somebody hates me! He began grindin up against my ass and well this was my DAMN SONG and I got into it! And he was DEFINITELY ENJOYIN IT! MONSTA was so rock hard HE coulda ripped his damn pants! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN HELENA??? I screamed at myself but the liq had me and I just kept dancin.

“When ya leavin the cluuub…I want you to come over girl” He sang into my ear.

FUCK!

I swear my whole body was on fire! Just one more time…It won’t hurt anythin…Right? He had me WET! I couldn’t hold out no more…and well I HATED HIM FOR IT! He knew just what to do to get me THERE…and well

“No…B…I gotta go.”

He was gonna earn this shit…

“Lovin you so crazy…I’mma make you have a flashback to ya first time…Cause this time you know just what you like.”

(Chris POV)

 

Ouch!…Ugggggh…. I woke up to my fuckin head poundin like shit…And my stomach DID NOT FEEL ANY BETTA! What the fuck? I sat up in my bed slowly cause well the room started to spin and I felt like I was still drunk as hell. I looked around and there were three girls in the bed with me…and if my face didn’t hurt I would have smiled. But all I wanted to do was get to the toilet cause somethin was definitely COMIN BACK UP!

Uggggh!

When I came out the bathroom I stumbled back to the bed. Last night was crazy as hell…Most of it was a fuckin blur but I did remember breakin up with Draya… and Sweets leavin without even a goodbye…I knew it got a little much but she at least coulda stayed til it was over! I mean even though I wish I could remember this obvious foursome I had…I woulda rathered it been…her. I finally pulled on me some boxer and basketball shorts… Once I could focus I practically slid down the wall to the livin room. DAMN! The house was a FUCKIN MESS! There was shit everywhere….Nakedness everywhere…And that smell…WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL!! Ugggggh! I knew I needed to eat somethin but gettin to the kitchen was a task cause I was still tryin to get my balance. FUCK! I stood on the wall with my eyes closed and head back…I’m not sure if I dosed off but I popped my eyes open to Sweets pokin me and laughin so hard.

Leeeave mmmee allooonnne!

“Was your ass sleep?” She said laughin so hard she was in tears.

“Iont evnn…shiiit…WHOA!” I said fallin over.

 DAMN!

“OH MY GOD B!” She said tryin to grab a hold of me but I busted my ass anyway.

“Thiiis…shiit …Whattt is…Dammn” I said puttin my head in my hands.

THIS SHIT IS WILD! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? DAMN! Was what I was tryin to say but of course it was NOT comin out. I could hear Sweets laughin even harder. I admit if I didn’t feel like I was bout to THROW UP on her shoes…I would be laughin right along with her! This had to be the fuckin funniest shit right now…I CAN’T FEEL MY DAMN FACE!

“I knew you was gonna be gone B…But you aint makin no sense!” Sweets said tryin to help me stand up.

WHO YOU TELLIN!

“Maaannn…I’mm stiill fuuuckked up.” I finally got out. “SWEETS!”

“What?” She said movin her head away from mine.

 STANK BREATH.

“I fuckkin llooove youuu giiiiiiiirrlll.” I tried to sing.

 NO NIGGA…JUST STOP!

“I love you too…Now your gonna have to help me…Stand up!” She said tryin to lift me up.

“Sweeeeets…Whyy you soo daammn beauty.”

NIGGA WHAT?

“B…That didn’t even.…Just get up dammit!” She said shakin her head and laughin hard again.

I’m fuckin embarassin myself…Shit.

“Aight womannn!” I said pushin up off the floor.

WHOOOA!

I finally stood up and we stumble to my kitchen bar stool. I sat down and immediately laid my head on the counter.

I AINT EVER DRINKIN AGAIN!!

“B you gotta eat somethin…And you don’t got shit in here.” I heard her say goin through the cabinets.

HUNGRY ASS NIGGAS!

“I kn…Iknooww.” I said probably droolin.

 DAMN DAMN DAMN!                                                                                                                    

“Guess out to eat it is…What do you feel like?” She asked.

FOOD!!!

“I don’ttt caarrre….I’MMM JUST FUCKIN HUNGRY!”

NIGGA WHY YOU YELLIN?

“Ok…Ok…Well you not goin like that…You got to get dressed.” She said laughin at me again.

WHAT???? I’M NOT GOIN BACK UP THEM STAIRS!

“I cann’t…Sweeets could you pleeeease gettt my black shhirt…annnd my black and………”

DAMN…. I THINK I DOSED OFF!

 

After I finally woke up…Yea a nigga was knocked right on the counter…drool and all! My head, face, body, eyes, skin and even my damn eyelashes HURT! I swore I was gonna fuck Keeis up!! He was passin me drink after drink….And my dumbass kept takin ‘em. NEVER AGAIN! I sat across from Sweets as she was eatin her food. I swear every sound in the damn restaurant was AMPLIFIED! All I could eat was a few bites of my French toast and eggs. What I did know was my shades needed to be darker causes it felt like it was bright as fuck in here…SHIT! She didn’t say much just giggled every now and then at me. THIS WAS NOT FUNNY! I sipped on my orange juice a little and just admired her. I was actually happy she came back to make sure I was ok tho…

“You need to eat some more… At least the French toast…Soak up that liq.” She said lovingly.

Man I missed this…

“I am …I just feel it all up in my throat…uggh!” I said rubbin my stomach.

“You should’ve known not to trust Keeis’s ass…I know I learned my lesson.” She said laughin lightly.

IMMA FUCK HIM UP ON MY LIFE!

“Man…Never again…But hey I’m 21!” I said smilin. Ouch.

“Yes you are! Look at you all fully legal and shit!” She said pushin her plate back.

“I’mma grown ass man round here!” I said feelin my phone vibrate. DRAYA.

NO. I MEANT THAT SHIT!

I knew she just wanted to see if I called it off cause I was fucked up…But no…The liq just made me say what I was gonna say anyway….IT’S OVER!! I was tired of it all…I mean how you gonna act stank through my whole birthday party…Practically ignore me cause you got an attitude…FOR WHAT? I DON’T KNOW! Then see somebody else just dancin in front of me and wanna assert your “Girlfriend” authority! FUCK ON WITH THAT SHIT! Last straw! The games…The naggin…The business tellin…The lies…The arguin for the last 9 months had added up and guess what?…SHE LOST! NOW GO POST THAT SHIT ON TWITTER!

MOVIN ON

“I gotta go back to VA in an hour.” I said puttin my phone back in my pocket.

“Oh..” She said soundin disappointed.

HMMMM.

“Yea…Got some community service to knock out and my classes…Was gonna check on the kids too…Uh…Maybe you…should come…Know you aint seen them in awhile.” I hesitated.

“Yea it has been a minute…Been to the other studios…Was gonna go next month but I know they would love to see me earlier!” She said perkin up.

GOOD!

“Well then…Pack ya bags woman…I’ll get ya ticket!” I said grabbin my phone.

“B…I’m not gonna be ready in an hour!” She said wrinklin her nose.

STILL LOVE THAT!

 “What do you need to pack? Just grab ya girlie stuff and I’ll get you some shit when we get there!” I said callin Tina.

“B…I don’t need you to get me nothin…I can get it m-“

“Hol’up.…Aye Tina could you add another seat to my flight…I need it like Asap.” I said interruptin her “INDEPENDENT WOMAN” speech!

“You…Ugggh!” I heard her mumble and cross her arms.

IT’S DONE! HA!

“Aight…Call me back with the information…Aight.” I said hangin up.

“If we wasn’t in public…I would pop you upside that lightbright head of yours!” She huffed.

HAHAHA!

“Well we are…And you can’t…So deal!” I said stickin my tongue out at her. “Now let’s go…We got shit to do!”

“I’m comin.” She said puttin her Black card in the ticket for the waiter.

WHAT YOU DOIN?

She was determined to pay for somethin…Damn are we gonna start this shit already? I know you BALLIN too but hey…I’m the man here…Makin me look like I can’t pay for a $25 check! COM’ON SON! I grabbed the check as the waiter walked up and took her card out. I put a 50 in as she smacked her lips.

 IT’S DONE…AGAIN! HA!

“Why you…Ugggh!” She said pickin up her card.

“Keep the change…Now let’s go!” I said to the waiter then to her and laughin.

“Pssh.” Was all she said as she walked to the door.

LOVE WALKIN BEHIND HER…DAAAMN!

“Well since you paid you can open the door for me.” She fired.

SHE REALLY MAD! HAHA!

“Nah…Imma let you do that!” I said laughin as I dodged her tryin to hit my arm.

“Ugggh…I hate you!” She said openin the door.

“I love yo ass too.” I said walkin out.

Got my bestfriend back….

VA

We had been back home for a week…I knocked out my classes…Community service and visted the Dance 1 kids. So now I was gettin ready for FAN OF A FAN to drop. Tyga and Trell flew out so I was EXCITED! Tyga decided to Ustream for Team Tyga and TEAM BREEZY so we were all gonna download it together. Keeis, Twon, Mijo and Aaron invited some girls over so we were gonna have a mini release party…Well it wasn’t much of a party but it was for TEAM BREEZY so that’s all that matter! Sweets hadn’t heard the finish product yet so I was hella nervous…I knew some of the songs were about her and I didn’t quite know how she was gonna react. She had spent most of the day in my studio workin on some demo tracks she had to finsh for Keri. So I helped her out with them. I loved it…Her writin skills had got so good that she had started to make the songs off the top of her head instead of writin ‘em down. I TAUGHT HER THAT! HA! So we was able to knock out 5 songs in one day! We also worked on a demo called ONE NIGHT STAND…It was sexy as hell…Real 90’s vibe. She called Keri and we sang it to her over the phone and all you could hear was her scream! GUESS SHE LOVED IT! I admit the words did somethin to me cause I definitely wanted Sweets to spend another night with me….but I could tell she was tryin to keep everythin platonic so I didn’t say anythin. I aint gonna front THIS SHIT WAS GETTIN HARD!

After the Ustream and everybody on there thinkin I was drunk cause I was bein hyper and loud…They called it a night cause they was tired as fuck! I coulda went on for another hour cause I was HYPE! Really didn’t know why…Maybe it was cause of not havin to deal with Draya…Oh she text me while I was on the Ustream tellin me to call her…But NO! Or Maybe havin Sweets back around who had givin up and went to bed on me. Either way I was feelin good!I went to my den and played on the game for a while but truthfully I wasn’t feelin it….I kept tryin to distract myself but all I could think about was goin to Sweets room. NO! SHE AINT HAVIN IT! So I was frustrated as fuck….I went to my room and tried drawin…DIDN’T HELP. Got on twitter and lurked around…DIDN’T HELP…Cause them DM’S…MAN SOME OF MY FOLLOWERS ARE NASTY! HAHA! I finally said fuck it and decided to got to sleep….I was about to dose off when I heard a soft knock on my door…

SHE CAME

“YEA!” I yelled out.

“Were you sleep?” She said slowly openin the door.

“Nah…Was bout to…What’s up?” I asked tryin to see her in the dim light.

“Oh…I couldn’t sleep.” She said still standin behind the door.

WHY DON’T YOU JUST COME IN??

“Well I’m up…come in.” I said confused.

“Oh…No I was wonderin if you wanted to watch a movie or somethin…You know just til I got tired.” She said shyly.

OKAY…

“I do have a TV….You can watch it in here.” I said tryin to understand.

“I know…I know…I just wanted to watch it in the den.” She said.

WHAT?

“In the den.” I said dryly.

“Yea.” She said

WOW!

“Ok.” I said gettin up reluctantly.

What is up with her? I mean I get tryin to be platonic and shit but it was like she didn’t want to be behind closed doors with me at all! Like I was some serial killer waitin to attack her! I mean DAMN! IT’S ME! When we got to the den…It was hard not to stare shit she had on a tank with no bra and these lil ass boy shorts….I MEAN COME ON!!! You don’t wanna do nothin but you gonna rock the DAMN BOY SHORTS I LIKE!!! Just ass everywhere…DAMN! I had to pretend I was sleepy so I wouldn’t have to look at her…I kept rubbin my eyes while she walked over to my DVD shelf.

“So what you wanna watch?” She asked turnin to me.

YOU!

“Iont care…” I said tryin to distract myself.

“Ok that helps!” She said sarcastically.

YOU WANTED TO WATCH A DAMN MOVIE!

“I don’t care just pick anythin woman!” I said grabbin my phone.

“Ok…Um…How bout Parnormal Activity…that was our movie!” She said getting excited and puttin it in.

That was our movie! We would watch it on the bus over and over…Shit never got old! Plus I liked it cause she scared as hell of horror movies but she would watch’em anyway and well that was my excuse to feel on her cause she would be all up on a nigga! HA!

PERFECT!

“Aight cool!” I said answerin a text: JASMINE.

“The mixtape is dope!” She said floppin down on the couch next to me.

“You feelin it huh…Yea that shit bang!” I said perkin up and put my phone in my pocket.

“Hell yeah…I like that uh…Like A Virgin…That’s my new shit!” She said cheesin hard and takin her bun down.

AW YEAH!

“Let it rain…Let it rain…Let it rain…Cause it’s gettin hot girl…Give me all you got girl…Don’t rush aint goin nowhere…I’mma take off ya thong put legs in the air…” I sang to her.

“Yeeeaah…Girl I’mma gonna pick you up…Pick you up…Rock you like a baaby…Lovin you so craazy…I’mma make you have a flashback to ya first tiiime…Cause this time you know just what you like..” She sang back gettin hype!

OH SHIT! LOVE HER VOICE!

“Daaamn you know the words already?” I said happy as hell!

“Hell Yeah! I was like Oh My God! Ya’ll did that!” She said laughin.

I just love her man…

“Preciate it…Preciate it!” I said smilin.

“Yeah and that No Bullshit been my song…Can’t wait for the video…I already got some ideas in my head for that! It’s gonna be hooooot!” She said gigglin.

“Aw yeah…I wanted you to be the lead.” I said throwin it out there.

PLEEEASE!!

“Iont know bout all that B…” She said getting nervous.

“Why not?…I mean come ooon…How long I been askin you to be in my videos?” I pleaded. JUST SAY YES DAMMIT!

“I just think it would be awkward…I mean especially with that type of song…I heard about the storyboards you and Colin came up with…Mm Mm…We’d end up fuckin for real!” She said laughin.

I DON’T SEE A PROBLEM WITH THAT!

“So! You actin like we aint never done that shit before.” I said makin a face at her.

“B!” She said hittin me in the arm.

“What? It’s true!” I said laughin.

“That shit got erased and that was that!” She said lookin at me in shock.

Well……

“Um…yea..yea..” I said laughin to myself.

“What’s so funny? B….I swear to God!” She said lookin terrified.

“Whaat? I erased em….” I said lookin off.

“IMMA FUCK YOU UP!” She said punchin me in the side. OUCH!

HAHAHA!

“Ow Woman! I erased em….The first three…But them last two…Uh Uh that’s stayin in my fault!” I said laughin and jumpin up.

“CHRIS!” She said takin off after me.

Hahaha! Ok look…I wasn’t worried bout them ever gettin out… Cause I don’t play bout my personal shit….So yea I really had the last two on a flashdrive locked up! SO NO AINT NOBODY SEEIN THAT SHIT BUT ME! HA! I mean they were toooo good to erase! She was goin HAM ON A NIGGA!! I had to hold on to that! Not like she was gonna let me get that anytime soon! HA!

“THEY IN SAFE KEEPIN I SWEAR!” I said laughin and runnin down the hall to my room.

“YOU TOLD ME YOU ERASED EM…YOU LIED!” She said right behind me.

“I DIDN’T LIE…I DID ERASE EM…JUST NOT ALL OF EM!” I said laughin so hard I tripped turnin to duck in my room. DAMN!

She tackled me and started punchin me in the chest and arms! OUCH! I knew I could just toss her but it was FUNNY AS HELL! So I just let her as I laughed.

“CHRIS…YOU BETTA GET RID OF THEM…I’M NOT PLAYIN!” She said as she finally straddled me.

MMMM.

“Ow…I…Ouch…Ok…Ok!” I said still laughin at her as she turned red. HAHA!

 “JERK!” She said finally stoppin and pushin her hair back from her face.

“I know!” I said laughin again.

“Ugggh…Chris you make me sick!” She said slappin my arm again.

HMMMM.

“Aww…So I’m Chris again?” I said raising my eyebrow.

“Boy…Whateva!” She said startin to get up.

UH UH

“Where you goin?” I said pickin her up so fast she had to hold on!

“CHRIS!” She said wrappin her arms around my neck. “DON’T YOU DROP ME!”

“I aint gonna drop you.” I said in her ear and walkin over to the bed.

GOTCHA!

Ok so…I couldn’t take it no more…She had me so turned on when she was straddlin me I had to go for it! Just the thoughts from earlier…The mental picture from them tapes and these DAMN BOY SHORTS! HE WANTED IN!!!

I missed her…

“What you doin?” She said as I flopped her on my bed.

“Gonna put yo ass to sleep.” I said kissin her neck and smilin.

“St- Stop…It..” She said breathin heavy.

“You sure…” I said suckin on it lightly.

“Uuuh…Ye-ye-“

I stopped her as I kissed her lightly on the lips…I felt her shiver so I kissed her deeper. Man I wanted her so bad…I couldn’t let her think! I slid my hands under her tank and she moaned in my mouth. Her body was shakin so much I almost had to laugh to myself. I almost had her tank up over head when…

“Nigga you seen my charger?” We heard Mijo say comin in the door. “WHOA!”

DAMMIT MAN!

“HELL NAW NIGGA DAMN!” I said lookin at him as Sweets pulled her tank back down.

“Oh my god…” Sweets said totally embarrassed.

“Now this is the shit I never wanted to see…Remind me to yell out from the hallway next time!  Mijo said shakin his head in disgust.

HEY! THIS MY HOUSE!

“NIGGA GET OUT!” I said lookin at him like HELLO!!

“Nigga I am…Think im gonna be blind and shit!” he said finally laughin as he walked out closing the door behind him.

SHIT!

“B…Move.” Sweets finally said tryin to push me up.

NOOOO!

“What? He gone tho…” I pleaded.

“I don’t care…Just move.” She said firmly.

THIS IS NOT HAPPENIN!

“Sweets for real…Come on…I Really Really want you.” I begged and looked down at HER MONSTA.

“No…Just get up…We aint doin this.” She said tryin to scoot away.

“But-“

“No!” She said interruptin me lookin me dead in the eyes.

DAMN! SHE SERIOUS!

I looked at her for a few more seconds and finally got up. FUUUUCK! I saw her eyes drop to HER MONSTA and it frustrated and irritated me MORE! YOU KNOW YOU WANT THIS QUIT PLAYIN!!!

“Goodnight..” Was all she said scootin off my bed and walkin out the room.

I stood there in pure shock…It’s like she had this will power that came outta nowhere! I sat on the bed frustrated as hell! IT’S ME DAMMIT! WE BOTH SINGLE! WHAT’S THE PROBLEM???? After a few minutes of bein ticked off…I laughed to myself…WAS I JUST BEGGIN??? I shook my head and climbed under the covers…I had to admit to myself…This was definitely a good thing…Cause now I was gonna do everythin in my power to win her over again…

Game on.

I aint lettin go…

“And I aint sayin that he don’t love you…But I don’t think he love you like I do…”

(Sweets POV)

When Chris’s Range pulled up with Keeis, Aaron, Pat and Mijo and two other guys I didn’t recognize…I finally breathed a sigh of relief. I had been standin in the yard of my now empty condo for 30 minutes hidin behind my old shrubs. I had moved all my stuff out to a new place in the Hollywood hills last week. I knew after Davis and I went at it last weekend and he threw me across the room and I hit the wall that IT WAS TIME TO GO! I had put up wit the yellin…shakin me…and punchin the wall an inch from my head. All because he was suspicious of everythin! And lets’s not even get on how SUPER JEALOUS HE WAS OF CHRIS and TREY! I think he became their number one hater in 3 weeks time! I had never been through no shit like that and if there was one thing I knew that it was gonna get worse. No compromisin…no workin it out…I WAS OUT! It had only been two months and he started showin his possessive and crazy side about 3 weeks ago! He seemed so sweet in the begininn….BUT DON’T THEY ALL!!! I really liked him…and we had a lot in common and well he was the closest dick I had found to Chris! But in the end HE WAS NOT HIM! So I had to get away.

 I knew that he would come straight to my house after we fought in his driveway about me even acknowledgin Chris’s existence. He grabbed me and started shakin the shit out of me but I pulled away and hit him in the face…He grabbed my throat and I dug my fingers in his eyes and grabbed the handle fallin out the car! I jumped up and I seen him comin for me….I had a few brusies and a scraps on my knees where I fell down but I kicked off my flats… grabbed my purse and took off down the street! I ran….I ran so fuckin hard I made it to my place in less than 10 minutes…It was a 20 minute drive. When I collapsed on my yard I couldn’t get Chris out my mind…I was hopin if I reached out he would at least send Mijo. So I text him…and he…he came…Deep with all his goons!

“Where that muthafucka at?” Chris said jumpin out.

“He aint here…let’s go!” I said shakin.

“Where he stay at?” Mijo demanded.

“Ya’ll please can we just go….I just want to go home.” I said exhasusted.

“Home…You at home.” Chris said confused.

“No…I moved out of here a week ago…I got a new place in the hills.” I said lookin cause I saw a car pass.

“You let this muthafucka run you out your shit! What the fuck Sweets!” Chris said rubbin his hands over his face.

“Look I don’t want to argue…Can we please just go.” I pleaded cause I didn’t know how long we had.

“Aight let’s go.” He said goin and openin the passenger side door for me.

I jumped in and we all rode to my new condo. Once we all got inside I felt relaxed. MIjo’s two goon friends were makin themselves at home….And I have to admit they made me nervous. They were all still hype wantin to find Davis…Of course the last thing Chris or Mijo needed so I was definitely not gona tell them no matter how mad they got! Honestly I was tired of them always havin to come to my rescue…and had I had my piece with me…Our fight tonight would have definitely ended differently. I was exhausted and my head was poundin so I knew I needed to go lay down immediately. I saw Chris watchin me while he was on his phone as I walked out of the livin room and upstairs. I hadn’t seen him in person in two months and had only spoken to him maybe a handful of times back in March. He looked sexy as fuck but I wasn’t goin there. I was hurt when I found out they had shot two videos for him and Tyga’s mixtape and didn’t ask me to come style it! So that’s why it shocked me that he even came.

RELAX
I took a shower and stood there lookin at myself in the mirror…I had bruises on my neck and arms…I had scrapes on my knees…but I was good. My head had stopped hurtin so I guess the shower relaxed me. I pulled on a  big t-shirt… some basketball shorts and went back downstairs. When I came down the stairs Mijo’s Goons, Aaron and Keeis were gone. Mijo and Pat had found the food that was in my fridge and were helpin themselves. Chris had his hat tilted up while he was goin through his phone. I have to admit I was shocked as shit by how Draya was tryin to help me at the restaurant…but at the same time after how me and Chris ended I didn’t know if I should trust it. I looked over at him out the side of my eye as I walked into the kitchen…He was readin somethin intensely so I didn’t say anythin.

“Aye Sis these ribs is the shit!” Mijo said smackin.

“Yup!” Pat said smackin as well makin Chris look up at them.

“Well thank you very much.” I said smilin cause I had bbq’d them myself.

“You did this!” Chris finally said grabbin one and eatin it.

“Yes…Why ya’ll actin like ya’ll didn’t know I had bbq skills?” I said laughin a little goin on into the kitchen.

“Shit this givin you a run for your money!” Chris said bumpin Pat and grabbin another one.

DAMN GUESS YA’LL HUNGRY….AGAIN!

“Aye I aint gonna front Sweets these is damn good…You helpin on the grill next time.” Pat said chucklin.

“You got it! I love to bbq just don’t get to do it much.” I said pourin myself a drink and walkin over as they all smacked.

“Well…You gonna make the ribs next time…Sorry Nigga!” Mijo said to Pat.

“I aint mad…I ain’t mad at all.” He laughed.

I shook my head and went and checked my phone. 20 missed calls..10 voicemails…18 texts messages. I sighed and checked them. All 20 calls and 18 text messages were from Davis. THAT WAS IT!! I’M CHANGIN MY NUMBER IN THE MORNIN! I rubbed my temple as I put my phone down. When I looked up Chris was standin next to me.

“He still callin?” He asked softly.

“Yea..” I said lookin over hopin Mijo didn’t hear as I took another sip of my drink.

“You need to get-“

“My number changed…I know…Gonna do it in the mornin.” I interrupted him and walked out to my terrace.

All this was hard for me…I called myself movin on AGAIN and yet where did I end up…Right back with a psycho and Chris comin to my rescue…This shit was startin to get embarassin! I mean I tried bein careful…Even picky this time and when Tey introduced me to Davis he seem so sweet. He was tall, althletic, tatted… Gorgeous eyes and smile…Smooth chocolate skin and dimples! Imma sucker for dimples…If you couldn’t tell. Shit his sex game was on point…and even though he was a bench warmer…I could have got used to the basketball “Wife” status that was already bein shown to me in just two months. But it was also my first time dealin with an older guy other than Trey &Raul…Which were only two years older than me. But Davis was 5 years older and well I think he looked at me as some little girl he could train! UH HELL NO! All in all I knew it wouldn’t last but I had to do somethin to get my mind of this 6’2, Freckled faces, Gorgeous smilin, beautiful eyed, tatted up like a subway in Harlem, Dick and tongue game so good make you wanna slap ya mama, Dimple faced, Monsta havin, Light bright that I just can’t seem to GET AWAY FROM!

Thought I was takin a chance…

“Pretty out here.” He said closin the slidin door.

“Yea it is…Just makes you wanna get lost in the night.” I said sighin and lookin out.

“Iont know the backstory…But I’m glad you safe.” He said now standin next to me lookin out at the skyline.

“Yea…I knew I had to get away…Been plottin on it for two weeks now…And seenin you, Mijo and the crew earlier was my sign…” I said calmly.

“Was he…Hittin you?” He asked like he didn’t want the words to come out.

“Not yet…Just tossed me a few times…Shook me like crazy… bruised me up but…it..it was comin…” I said numbly. I knew he was havin all types of flashbacks. Damn.

He didn’t say anythin he just dropped his head and shuffled back and forth with his hands in his pockets….

IT WASN’T YOU…

“Look don’t be take this shit on…I’m ok now…I’ve been through worse…I’m just happy that you came.” I said rubbin his arm as he looked at me.

He nodded his head and then a small smile crept on his face.

 WHAT?

“God works in mysterious ways.” Was all he said shakin his head and smilin harder.

“Yes he does.” I said smilin at him.

“So how you meet him anyway?” He had to ask.

“Uggh…through Tey.” I said cringin at the thought. “We was at the game and he asked her bout me … well the rest is definitely in my history.”

He clenched his jaw…Guess he was irritated that Tey was tryin to hook me up with guys. But hey…I’m SINGLE REMEMBER!

“That’s cool…Just need to be careful out here…Not every nigga a good dude.” He said starin straight ahead.

WOW

Was he really givin me datin advice??? Is that where we at now? WOW…JUST WOW!

“Oh beeelieve me I know.” I said takin another sip of my drink. THE BUZZ FEEL GOOD!

“So what you doin for your birthday?” He asked changin the subject.

 MY???

I hadn’t really even thought about it…Been havin so much drama I didn’t realize it was in what…2 days…WHOA! It hit me that Chris was about to be 21! I knew he had to do it big!

 “I really don’t know after all this…Somethin chill…Been writin for Keri so probably workin..” I said gettin chills.

 “Yea…Same here…I can’t get a venue…So just gonna be at the studio.” He said soundin defeated.

Damn.

It still irked me that he still was bein shut out of everythin…Even tho he was bein used for publicity left and right…The club scene preffered Rob’s presense over his….Just sucks.

“That’s not cool…” I said tryin to contain my irritation about it all.

“Shit I ain’t trippin…I can do the same shit I would do in the club at the studio…With the people I know really give a fuck about me you know.” He said tryin to save face.

“You right…So how is the mixtape comin along…I heard bout the Holla At Me and G Shit videos…” I said turnin to him.

“Oh yea…it’s gonna be dope…We wrapped on it.” He said nervously.

“So when can I hear it?…Seein as how I didn’t get a call bout the videos.” I said crossin my arms.

“Yea…Bout that…Sorry…It wasn’t no big production just got thrown together real quick.” He said smilin nervously.

“Mmm hmm.” I said rollin my eyes.

“No…Really…It was… I mean…Ok. But I didn’t think you would do it…Hell when the last time I talked to you?” He said adjustin his hat and scratchin his head.

“All you had to do was pick up the phone…I mean we are still business partners right?” I said makin my point.

He sighed. He knew I would be pissed…I mean I was still apart of CBE and even though it was a joint project with Ty…I was over stylin! I should have been called Sir!

“You right and Im sorry for real.” He said lookin at me sincerely.

“Ok…Just don’t let that shit happen again or I’m shuttin down the studio!” I said laughin.

“Shuttin down…You stupid.” He said laughin.

“Hey I got pull…Now go get me some damn cheesecake!” I said bumpin his arm.

“I ain’t gotta do that shit…I’m the boss!” He said laughin.

“Pssh…Whatever I got the most titles so I run shit.” I said

“You got me fucked up…It’s CBE not HBE.” He said makin a face at me.

“HBE sounds pretty good tho…” I said lookin out at the skyline.

“Oh yea…” He said walkin up on me.

“See that’s not what I meant..” I said tryin to control my hormones cause he smelled good as hell.

“But it does sound good…Helena Brown…Never said it out loud before.” He said lookin down at me so close I shivered.

BACK THE HELL UP AND STOP THAT!

“You…You crazy…” I said steppin back and shakin my head.

“What? I know you done that shit before…Aint that what ya’ll do…Put your first name with ya loves last name and shit…Don’t front…Yea you have.” He said laughin. “Be doodlin it with hearts and shit…Don’t lie!”

NIGGA!

“Pssh…The only man I have ever done that shit with was Will Smith and well he ain’t leavin Jada no time soon.” I said laughin.

“See!…But hell nah…Helena Smith…Nah fuck that…It don’t even sound right.” He said soundin offended.

“Don’t be a hater…I was gonna have him all kinds of big eared babies!” I said laughin harder.

CAUSE I WAS! OK NOT IN REALITY! HA!

“Pssh…Like Hell!” He said rollin his eyes.

AWWW

“What I’m only supposed to have freckle face curly haired ones?” I said lookin up at him.

“Pssh…YA DAMN RIGHT WOMAN!” He said turnin back to me bein goofy.

WHAT THE HELL ARE WE TALKIN ABOUT???

“Whatever…I’m goin inside you keep dreamin.” I said walkin back in side laughin.

“Hey…I didn’t say you could leave…I need you barefoot and pregnant woman!” He said followin me laughin.

“Not gonna happen.” I laughed as we walked to the livin room.

I looked at the couch and Pat and Mijo were knocked out! I felt awkward cause well now me and Chris were alone and I didn’t feel comfortable with my strength at the moment.

“So uh…I got a spare room over there.” I said turnin to him.

I could see he looked shocked…I mean I had never made him sleep in the guest bedroom…but I wasn’t tryin to GO THERE…Cause well HE WAS DONE REMEMBER??

“Spare….Pssh stop playin.” He said laughin lightly.

“I’m not.” I said firmly.

“Really?” He said with his voice crackin. GUESS HE SHOCKED!

“Yes..B…I gotta get some rest…There’s some blankets and sheets on the bed.” I said walkin up the stairs as he stood there with his mouth open.

What did he think was gonna happen? I haven’t seen or talk to you in two months…Plus he was still with who…DRAYA!

NO!

“Sweets….Come on…It’s me!” He said still tryin to plead his case.

SO!

“Yea I know its YOU…I’ll see you in the mornin…Goodnight.” I said walkin off to my room.

NOT THIS TIME!

The day of Our birthday I was actually excited…I was now 23…Man I’m gettin old…I had been through so much in my live in the last 8 years….I felt like I was 40! But it was a new chapter…I blank slate for me to write…I was definitely changin and my biggest change was livin for me…I had wasted so many years livin for everyone else…I was ready to see what the maturity of 23 was gonna bring me! Branchin out…Yes I still wanted Chris in my world but we had changed so much that it was time…time for me to see who else life had for me…

TURN UP

Although we had decided that we were gonna be workin for Our birthday…Keri wanted to surprise Chris with a mini party. So we got together with Ty, Trell, Nino, Polow, Kevin, Tina, Seven, Shad, Tey, O, Moe, Mijo, Momma, Mommi, the fam and yes even Draya to plan a little get together for him. I knew he was down about not bein able to have it at a club even tho he was tryin to hide it…So I knew it would lift his spirits! We set the studio up with all of our favorite foods and Me, Momma and Draya made him a cake…Yea go figure! I made sure the studio was stocked with Ace Of Spades and Rose’ so he could do it up right. I got a hold of everybody from Lonny to the CBE crew to Game…They all said they were comin through so it was set! When He walked in he was on the phone and damn near dropped it! He was so shocked that we pulled it off without him even knowin…Which was hard cause he nosey as shit! HAHA! The smile on his face was priceless….

Happy Birthday Baby…

“I can’t believe ya’ll did this.” He said still cheesin and sippin the champagne.

“What you think you was just gonna sit here alone?” I said sippin on mine.

“Well actually I thought so cause everybody I talked to said they had shit to do so…Yea!” He said downin the last of his drink.

WHOA…SLOW DOWN!

“We wasn’t gonna leave you hangin nigga!” Shad said on his third class.

AW SHIT!

“Preciate it man.” He said lookin around at everybody smilin.

“Aye this nigga’s glass empty…Fill that bitch back up!” Shad said loudly.

“Oh My God…” I said laughin.

“You know he bout to turn up.” Chris said laughin with me.

O and Kevin came over with the bottles and O handed Chris one.

“Nigga…Fuck a glass…You take that shit to the head out the bottle!” O said already turnt too.

“Hell Yeah!” Kevin and Shad said

OH GOD HERE WE GO!

I knew this was gonna be interestin to watch…Chris had never got totally fucked up before…He was pretty much a lightweight…Two drinks tops and he was feelin it! So a bottle of Ace! He was gonna be dancin on of the program table! HAHA! Hell he already hyperactive and loud! So I just decided to brace myself!

After about an hour of Polow playin tracks they were workin on…Then Kevin playin the Fan Of A Fan Tracks…It was a full blown party. I noticed that Draya and Chris weren’t interactin much but it wasn’t my place to pry so I didn’t ask. She pretty much sipped on the same glass of champagne…Scrolled through her phone and laptop in the corner to herself. Which was not like her at all! After Momma and Mommi left and we gave Chris his gift and I was given mine….It was time to migrate to Chris’s house. Once we got there…Well thanks to Keeis and Twon….IT TURNED INTO AN ALL OUT FREAK FEST! I hadn’t seen that much ass and titties in so long…My head spun! There was strippin… suckin… and some fuckin! I didn’t know how I got in the middle of it all! Some of the shit I saw even made me blush! Just as I expected Chris was runnin around sweaty… shirtless…loud and GOOOOONE! All I could do was laugh…Cause he definitely didn’t know how to handle his liq yet! But it was his 21^st so TURN UP!! He was actin like the referee… cheerin on the fest…Hookin up the strippers and well groupie hoes with the homies! I swear I was laughin so hard watchin him my sides hurt! THIS AINT A GAME SHOW!

Like an hour into it I saw Draya and him goin at it on the patio…It worried me a little cause well he was drunk. From what I saw she was upset cause one of the groupies was all over him and he was lettin her. Now normally Draya would be right there cheerin that type of shit on…but this time she was OVER IT! I walked over to where Tey and Moe were sittin and laughin at the fest.

“So what’s up with them two.” I asked

“Who Chris and Draya?” Tey said.

“Yea…She been actin funny all night and now they out there arguin.” I said takin another sip of my drink.

“Girl what’s new…They been at it for weeks now…I think he bout to finally drop her ass.” Tey said smack on Skittles.

“He should have been done that shit…Don’t know why he been puttin up with her this long.” Moe said rollin her eyes.

“That’s cause Sweets didn’t want to take him back.” Tey said droppin her Skittles.

DON’T BLAME ME!

“He coulda left her along time ago…He stayed cause he wanted too…Not because of me.” I said shakin my head.

“Girl please…You know he don’t like bein alone…I’m tellin you he didn’t wanna look stupid cause you didn’t want to be his girl….He told me.” Tey said smackin hard.

“Yup…Told me too…But I told him that was some stupid shit…Cause that was just gonna make you walk away.” Moe said sippin on her drink.

“But that’s just it…I didn’t walk away…He told me he was done.” I fired.

“What?” They both said confused.

WHAT YOU MEAN WHAT?

“Yea!” I said tryin to understand their shock.

“Oooo…He told me you stopped fuckin with him!”

WHAT?

“He told me that shit too…This nigga!” Moe said shakin her head.

I was confused…Why he lie? He knew good and well he told me he was done…Yes I was tired of him bein with Draya…But that’s not how it went down! I instantly had flames in my stomach. WAS HE TRYIN TO MAKE ME OUT TO BE THE BAD GUY SO HE WOULD HAVE AN EXCUSE FOR STILL BEIN WITH HER!

“No…He told me he was done cause I was confused…And we haven’t spoken to each other really in two months!” I clarified.

“How he gonna call you confused when he was with both ya’ll…He coulda ended that shit.” Moe fired. “Cause the bitch aint nothin but a golddiggin hoe…He been lookin stupid for months…Nothin but a headache.”

“Mmm hmm.” Tey said. “He been walkin round here frontin and He been kickin himself in the ass and I was wonderin why…He knew he fucked up!”

Wait ya’ll.

“Wait …Now I take my blame in it…Cause I didn’t want us to be back together at the time…But I was hopin he would leave her if he wasn’t happy…And that’s where I went wrong.” I confessed.

“Well it looks like ya’ll just might have that chance.” Tey said pointin over to Draya stormin in the house bright red.

Chris soon followed right after her. It seemed like the whole party screeched to a halt!

“Leave them keys too.” He fired at her.

She turned to him snatched his house keys off her key chain.

“Here!” She said as she threw them at him.

WELP!

“Thaaanks!…Have a nice fuckin life!” He said in full asshole mode.

“And I will…This the best fuckin day ever…Hey everybody I’m finally free!” She said clappin.

“Yea so any nigga in here that aint fucked her…Have at it…It’s on me!” He said laughin.

DAAAMN!

“Ya’ll take that shit somewhere else…We fuckin bitches!” Mijo said laughin with O and Keeis.

“She was just leavin…AYE LADIES I’M SINGLE AND IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!” He announced and grinned deviously.

Draya looked at the thirsty group of girls that were now all smiles.

“Good luck with this one ladies…Hope you like to share.” Draya said grabbin her purse and walkin out.

“DON’T HATE!” He yelled out and walked to the group of groupies.

WOW!

I shook my head and got up. This was too much…He was drunk and all will be back to normal tomorrow…So this show he was puttin on was makin me OVER IT! I pushed my way past the crowd and left out. I got all the way home and my phone started blowin up. I looked at it. B. I wasn’t gonna do this with him…I was not gonna be his rebound….His birthday sex…His back up…His safety net. We spent OUR birthday together…Now he had to deal with his OWN issues….

Without me

Happy Birthday to the new me…

“When it’s all said and done..I’mma make you number one..”

(Chris POV)

No more! I was done…No matter what she thought SHE PUT US HERE! I had asked her from the gate if she wanted to BE TOGETHER AGAIN! But she just kept tellin me NO! So you know what…I’m done! I had waited and waited….Put up with Draya all because Sweets PREFERRED IT THAT WAY! Cause if she felt differently…If she wanted US back and me to be DONE with Draya… SHE SHOULD HAVE OPENED HER DAMN MOUTH! Instead of come at me all brand new like she just found out I had a girl?? BULLLSHIT!! I was done with the fuckin CONFUSION! I got TOO much to deal with besides two muthafuckas sayin they want me….BUT NOT REALLY!? FUCK THAT! SHIT BOUT TO CHANGE…

EXCUSE ME FOR NOT GIVEN A FUCK NO MORE!

By March I was in full FUCK IT mode…I had only talked to Sweets for business reason and left all that Bestfriend bullshit right where it was. I wasn’t feelin it…This shit hurt but I REFUSED to let it show…I just went on makin my music. Surprisingly since I ended shit with Sweets…Me and Draya wasn’t gettin any better. I guess knowin the shit she pulled with Sweets just had me pullin away even more. She was in and out anyway with school and shoots. I was actually happy cause it kept her out of my way. I was basically doin my own thing cause hell she was too and I wasn’t stupid to it. I just didn’t care anymore. I had more than a few shawties keepin me company so I didn’t care. It wasn’t no secret that SHAWTY had her a “NEW MAN” now. I don’t know why it got under my skin…guess cause IT WAS EVERYWHERE! I couldn’t go on twitter, watch tv, walk by magazine stand or be on the internet with out seein pics of HER and Matt Kemp! SO THE FUCK WHAT! HE AINT ME! I know…I know…Let it go..And I was tryin…HARD but it all just felt unresolved so how was I supposed to fully move past how we ended. Guess I had no choice.

FAN OF A FAN

By the end of April…Me, Tyga and K-Mac was hard at work tryin to finish up FAN OF A FAN…I was excited cause it was gonna be my first time just showin off my rap skills…YEA I GOT BARS! Well it was gonna be a mixture but I had to show how I got down…Niggas didn’t know I was originally a rapper and they sleep on me cause I sing…So it was time to really SHOW THESE RAPPERS I CAN SHIT ON EM! HA! I know cocky but fuck it…I believed in my skills so I wasn’t worried bout the reactions.

Missin somethin…

Even tho I had been havin fun, I was runnin low by the beginnin of May. My mind couldn’t stay off of Sweets. I was makin plans for my birthday and cause we weren’t speakin…Well at all at this point…I wondered what she was gonna do? I mean we haven’t spent one away from each other and truthfully it wouldn’t feel right. She had to be there I WAS TURNIN 21!!! I wanted bad to breakdown and call her but K-Mac and Mijo told me she got her a little basketball player nigga she been hangin with. I use the term basketball player loosely…He didn’t even count as a Laker cause he lived on the bench! HAHA! He a fuckin SUBTITUTE that never touched the court til the game was over! I tried hard not to think about it cause it pissed me off at first then after a while I just blocked it out and wished her the best cause well I knew HE COULDN’T BE ME ON OR OFF THE COURT! I don’t know maybe this was all for good…Maybe this was really the end of SWEETS & CHRIS. I wasn’t sure. Even with me bein as stubborn as I was bein… I thought she would have at least tried to reach out…I mean OUR birthday was in a week!

I sat there at this baseball game with Draya, Niko and the homies…And I couldn’t keep my mind focused. It really was buggin me that Our birthday was in 2 days and nothin…No call…No accidental run in…No sightin at the clubs…No drop by the studio…No drunkin phone call…NO NOTHIN FROM SWEETS! I was becoming like a stalker cause I resorted to drivin past her spot hopin to at least catch a glimpse of her…DON’T JUDGE ME HELL I HADNT SEEN HER FACE IN TWO MONTHS! I was missin her bad and I also heard she had hung out with Trey recently and that he wanted her to be in his new video…That IRKED ME TOO! I mean how I get shut out and this nigga is YOUR BESTFRIEND AGAIN??? I couldn’t blame nobody but myself but all this frontin like it didn’t phase me was eatin me up. And Draya didn’t help! I swear everythin she did got on my last nerve! From her constant photo shoots showin her ass… to her interviews talkin bout us… to her Ustreams TALKIN BOUT US! To her tryin to spend my money…to her bein on twitter STILL runnin her mouth…to her usin Niko every chance she got…to her NON COOKIN…to her constant calls…to her….Man I could go on FOREVER! I was just not FEELIN IT ANYMORE! It had been 9 months and I was READY TO BOUNCE! Niko or not I WAS OVER IT! Me and Tyga had just shot the HOLLA AT ME and G SHIT  videos last week and she had to have her ass in the mix! I was tired of the homies constantly lettin me know shit she was pullin…It was gettin embarassin at this point! I mean at first I felt bad cause she was getting bashed on the blogs as my “JUMP-OFF” and it didn’t help that her ass had just got arrested for some dumb shit and they said it was cause she left Niko alone. I’m still not clear on al the details about that…But she swore it was all lies even though they DID have a police report! After awhile I stopped feelin bad cause she was bringin MOST of the shit on herself wantin to be OUT THERE and usin my name! So now she new what came with that!

But I knew deep down the reason so much about her irked me was because…Well she wasn’t Sweets. FUCK! I couldn’t believe she just moved on like FUCK IT! Yea I know I was in that mode for awhile….Even made a couple songs bout it…I knew once she heard AIN’T THINKIN BOUT YOU plus Me, Tyga and K-Mac’s re-worked version of DEUCES…She was NOT gonna be happy! I know it was dirty but I didn’t care at the time…and well the finished product is already done…So no goin back now! But even in the midst of all my ventin on record… MAKE LOVE and REGULAR GIRL were pleas to her. I did have one that I was hopin she would hear and know exactly how I felt and knew I meant every word…NUMBER ONE. Cause at this point I knew…I knew she was the one I needed…the one I wanted to finish the crazy ass life with…but what could I do…

“Oh look we on the screen.” Draya said point up at the Jumbo Tron. Great!

I looked up and we were all on the big screen…I tried to stare at the field cause it it was like they had zeroed in on us. I knew we was gonna be on the blogs by the end of the damn night!

“You enjoyin yourself Lil man?” I said to Niko tryin to ignore Draya’s thirst for the attention we was gettin.

“Yea…this is the best day ever!” He said excited. Aww.

“Well Im glad you havin fun.” I said feelin my heart feel happy but heavy at the same time.

I knew I couldn’t keep draggin him along…I was gonna have to end this shit soon but I felt so fucked up doin that to him. I couldn’t keep puttin up with HIS MAMA’S SHIT! Even tho I knew it didn’t go down like this with my Dad and Momma…I was startin to understand how hard it must have been to leave me. I was young and thought he just didn’t care but maybe there was things that didn’t mesh with them and he had to make that choice to leave. I mean I ain’t makin excuses for him cause even after he left he could have did more to help and spend time…But lookin back on that day…That day when he walked…I can understand the pain that I saw in his eyes now.

Life…

Once the game ended we all headed to Roscoe’s cause a nigga was HUNGRY! We all were at the table and there were a lot of people comin up for pics and autographs…it felt good to be in good graces with SOME of the public! Yea you know the usual was still happenin same story different day…But I had become almost numb to the media bullshit…I just expected at this point. Other than them tryin to throw Shawty’s relationship up in my face for a reaction…It was the same old shit. So I was happy to get approached by non fans that actually were cool!

“Yo they takin forever with this food…Imma bout eat this damn menu!” I said STARVIN!

“For real! Just bring on the damn chicken already!” Mijo said loudly.

“No tip for them!” Draya chimed in.

“Nigga you actin like you payin for the shit!” Mijo fired at her. AW SHIT!

“Don’t act like I can’t pay for my own shit!” Draya fired at him right back. “Question is CAN YOU pay for yours!”

SEE THIS THAT SHIT I DON’T LIKE!

“Nigga I gots money…Fuck what you tryin to imply.” He said to her in a serious tone.

AW HELL.

“Ya’ll chill the fuck out…Always goin at it!” I chimed in.

 “That’s ya boy…Always got some shit comin out his mouth…Go get you a tissue and wipe that up nigga!” Draya said rollin her eyes at Mijo.

“Yea I’mma wipe it up and throw it in ya face…You disrespectful Bi-“

 
“Aye Nigga!” I said stoppin him cause Niko was watchin the whole thing. DAMN!

Mijo then took his glare off of Draya and looked at Niko….You could tell it took everythin in him not to continue. But he stopped.

“This ain’t over.” Was all he said to her.

“Oh it’s over cause ya boy just put you in ya place so stay there.” Draya said.

JUST GOTTA HAVE THE LAST WORD!

“Aye ain’t nobody put him in his place…You need to check that shit…For real!” I said now irritated.

“Pssh..Whatever.” She mumbled and scrolled threw her phone.

WHATEVER

By the time they brought the food out we were all choppin it up and I saw Mijo laugh as he was lookin and textin on his phone. I really didn’t know what was goin on but then he showed Keeis and Keeis just gave me a look of HAHA…So now I wanted to know!

“Fuck ya’ll lookin at?” I asked

“Nigga you bout to see.” Mijo said lookin over my shoulder.

I turned around and it was like seein an angel float across the floor. SWEETS. I swear I stopped breathin which made me choke on the food I had been chewin on. DAMN! I start coughin so hard I had to back away from the table! SHIT! When I looked up still tryin to catch my breath I could see her reach for me.

“B you ok?” She asked with so much concern.

“Y-ea..Ye-a…” I said still coughin and tryin to compose myself. FUCK FUCK!

She grabbed the glass of water and handed it to me as everybody else at the table laughed…Except Draya who was starin at Sweets with her mouth open like she just seen a ghost!

YEA THAT’S WHAT I’M FEELIN!

“Drink this.” She said instinctively pattin my back.

Damn that feel good.

“I’m..I-m cool.” I said finally catchin my breath and lookin up at her.

DAAAAAAMN!! She had a nice lil tan and she had dyed her hair two toned…Blonde on top and black at the bottom…FUCK! And it had got longer….SHIT! It made me wanna pin her up against the wall and pull it back! HELL YEAH!!  It was weird tho…It was hot as fuck outside and she had on a long sleeve half shirt…Which I didn’t know was possible… That showed her stomach…Shit I wanted to just lick it! DAMN! And cargo pants and flats. WHERE THE HELL HER J’S AT?? I had to close my mouth cause I was definitely starin at her hard…AND THAT’S WHEN I SAW HIM! This tall ass lanky muthafucka came walkin up beside her. NIGGA! I swear I wanted to jump up and tell him to back the fuck up! But well I couldn’t and that made my stomach hurt…or I had to shit…either way it all SUCKED!

WACK

“You good?” He asked her lookin down at me as she jerked her hand away from my back.

“Yea…He was choked up so I was helpin.” She explained to him timidly and pullin on her sleeves. HUH?

“Well it look like he ok…You ready.” He said in a stank tone. NIGGA!

“Uh yea..yea.” She said not makin eye contact with anybody and especially not me.

THE FUCK WRONG WITH HER?

“You not gonna introduce your MAN to us.” Draya had to say. SHUT UP!

I looked up at Sweets and she seemed nervous as hell…But it wasn’t like scared of my reaction nervous more like a scared to say ANYTHIN nervous.

UH UH… SOMETHIN AINT RIGHT!

 “Oh…Uh you guys…this is Davis…Davis this is…Mijo’s friends.” She said hesitantly.

MIJO’S FRIENDS????

I looked over at Mijo and he had a just as confused face as everybody else had.

“When we just become Mijo’s friends?” Keeis asked lookin at her lost.

SHIT I’M LOST TOO!

“Aye nigga cause you are…What up.” Mijo said lookin her nigga up and down.

“What up.” He said back to Mijo dryly.

NIGGA WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!

“Well…Uh we are gonna go…nice seein ya’ll.” She said with even more nervousness.

“Hey uh Sweets I got these pics from my shoot I need you to look at…It will only take a minute.” Draya then said standin up and reachin for Sweets wrist.

WHAT????

I looked up at Draya and she had a nervous but concerned look on her face. She then turned to that nigga who was now muggin the shit out the back of Sweets head.

“I ..uh…” Sweets stuttered

“It reeeally will only be a minute.” Draya then said to him and smiled at him. BITCH!

I saw Sweets look up at him finally then back down. And I swear I felt the flames rises in my stomach…I HAD SEEN THIS SHIT BEFORE!

 HELL NO!

“Aight..But you got five minutes or you getting left.” He said walkin away. YOU PUNK BITCH!

I jumped up from the chair and so did Mijo but he held his hand out so I would go towards the door.

“Did that muthafucka just say you was gonna get left! The fuck is goin on Sweets?” Mijo said still holdin me back.

She looked terrified that he might have heard before walked out…so she looked in the direction of the door and then back at Mijo and Draya.

“He just had a bad day that’s all…” She said makin an excuse for him. SO WHAT!

“Well that’s not the reason you shakin like a leaf right now.” Draya said with so much concern. I’M SHOCKED BY IT TOO!

Sweets then pulled her wrist away from Draya and began pullin at her sleeves. Now I know this girl better than anybody….and NERVOUS AND TIMID don’t even fit her character. THIS PUNK MUTHAFUCKA BEEN PUTTIN HIS HANDS ON HER! When it all added up I wanted to go fuck him up…….But honestly I was frozen. Who am I to do that…Didn’t I do the samethin once? I was paralyzed. The one situation I couldn’t wild out over…my one achillies heal….I felt helpless. FUUUUUCK!

“Sweets why you wearin that hot as shirt and Why you actin all scared?…That nigga aint shit!” I finally said.

“Look don’t start B…I gotta go ya’ll.” She said tryin to walk away but Draya stopped her.

“Sweets I know we not cool…but I reeeally don’t think you should go…I mean we can take you home…” Draya said shakin her head.

“Is that nigga hittin you?” Mijo finally said walkin up to her.

“Oh hell no!” Keeis then said gettin up with Aaron.

 AW SHIT.

“No…No…Where the hell are ya’ll gettin all this…We just had an argument that’s all…No big deal…Look I gotta go!” She said damn near runnin for the door.

“Man fuck this shit!” Mijo said as we all went for the door.

“You guys can’t leave…You haven’t paid!” The waiter said.

DAMN!

I turned around and pulled out 3 hundred dollar bills and gave’em to him. I turned around quickly and headed for the door. By the time I got outside she was gone. Like a ghost…..FUCK…I GOTTA DO SOMETHIN!

BUT WHAT?

“I’m sayin I heard bout that nigga and he got a problem with roughin his chicks up…I been worried ever since I heard they were together.” Draya confessed as we all sat in the livin room of my spot.

“I’mma tell ya’ll like this she aint gone leave til she get ready…Believe me I know.” I said quietly now havin flashbacks of my Momma cryin and makin excuses.

FUCK!

“Nah fuck that shit…I see that nigga again I’m beatin his ass….That’s why I  aint been

 able to find her!” Mijo said with flames in his eyes.

“Yea cause she been ghost ever since she been with that nigga.” Aaron said shakin his head.

“He iont let her do shit…and you know that’s not even Sweets.” Keeis said.

“Hell it shocked me when she text me and told me she was across the room.” Mijo said.

SO THAT’S WHAT HE WAS READIN!

I didn’t want to talk about it no more cause it was all fuckin me up in the head….I wanted to go save her…Be her hero….But I felt like the biggest hypocite at the moment…So what could I do?

PRAY

I got up and went up to my room. I locked the door behind me and I laid on the bed. I sat there starin at the ceilin. My fuckin bestfriend needed me and yet there was nothin I could do. I started to pray real hard for an answer…For her to be protected for me…For her to forgive me for not bein there for her…For all the things that I had done to have us where we were…For her to reach out and not stay…I just prayed…I felt like I was 7 again and I was prayin for my Momma to be safe. I got snapped out of it when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket…I looked at it and it was a text.

SWEETS: I really need you.

ME: Where you at?

SWEETS: Home.

FUCK IT!

Im on my way…

“Innocent…Heaven sent that’s the way she look…Make you turn again take a second look..”

(Sweets POV)

 

By the middle of February….Chris had released IN MY ZONE……I was so proud of him and Kevin! It was gettin a good response and of course TEAM BREEZY were lovin it! He had reluctantly gave up on GRAFFITI because of the negative press and black ballin…So this was his way of showin the haters that there was no stoppin GOOD MUSIC! It was also a chance for him to make the types of songs he liked and not followin what the label wanted him to do! He was basically testin the independent waters and it was payin off! He even started recordin songs with Ty for a joint mixtape. I was so proud of his work ethic…He was more focused than ever! Just to see him smilin and carefree again was everything for me. Even though his legal troubles were far from over he was handlin everythin like a man. He was in a good place despite the negativity that was still comin his way…He truly hated that. Everybody was entitled to their opinion but wishin death upon someone every single day via Twitter was redundant and annoyin to him. So finally he got fed up and deleted his twitter account. I was sad for him because he just couldn’t take it no more…and even though he was grateful and loved TEAM BREEZY to death he said he just had to let it go for awhile.

I knew they would be devastated and accordin to everybody that had an account….they were. I didn’t have one at first but when he deleted his I decided to join. I had never knew just how many people knew who I was until then! A lot were fans of my work with Chris…mostly TEAM BREEZY but a lot were fans of some of my other work and videos….I had know idea I had inspired so many to dance! It was truly upliftin! Of course there were a lot of questions…most wantin to know if I still talked to Chris and if so relay messages to him. And I made sure I did just that! What I was not prepared for was the negativity thrown my way from TREY’S FANS…Which he called “Trey’s Angels”….I was shocked at how much they still hated that he even dated me! LIKE IT WAS 2 YEARS AGO! LET IT GO! I would have to check some of them because they would be totally disrespectful and they didn’t even know anything about me or Trey and I’s relationship….OLD RELATIONSHIP! I knew now exactly how Chris felt….I would log on to these lil evil girls tellin me to die…That they were glad Trey dumped me or that I was too ugly to ever had been with Trey….LAUGHABLE! And the most hilarious ones were “STAY AWAY FROM THEIR HUSBAND!” Like really???? If they only knew I dumped him! And lets be clear I DON’T WANT HIM! HAHA!….I would let Chris and Mijo read the tweets and they would laugh their ass off…I told Chris that some of them were TEAM BREEZY too and that  bothered him and he told me not to take it personally they just like to go hard…But for the most part it would be TEAM BREEZY that would attack the evil ones cause they said since I was CBE nobody was gonna talk shit to me not even other TEAM BREEZY members! I felt like I was apart of the MOB! HAHAHA! TEAMBREEZY was a mess but I truly had love for them because they loved Chris so much and everyone around him! Mijo said if they knew I was Chris’s ex they would turn on me too….Which I knew was true cause Draya stayed gettin dragged by them daily! And you know I didn’t feel bad cause most of the things they would tweet her…if they only knew were true as hell. They didn’t see how she complained to Chris like he was supposed to make them stop…He couldn’t control them… They were their own force and Lawd were they a forced to be reckoned with!

FOLLOW ME LIKE TWITTER

I was so new to the twitter thing I didn’t understand what the big deal was when Trey decided to follow me. But for his fans it was BLASPHEMY! They didn’t understand we were JUST FRIENDS…nothin more! In their eyes he was tryin to be with me again. UH HEEEELLL NO!! If they only knew they could have all of his ass to themselves…and even tho Trey wouldn’t be Trey without stirrin up some kind of drama/buzz…I was definitely not tryin to be still throwin into the media bein connected to him like that. I had my own ventures and I definitely didn’t not want to be labeled as Trey Songz’s Ex Fiance’ forever! This social media/blog shit was for the birds so after the third week I decided I would not be on as much!

LOG OFF

“So you still gettin that ass bashed on twitter?” Mijo said handin me back my Skittles.

“OH MY GOD! Bashed ain’t the word….Some of them really fuckin hate me!…Like how do you hate somebody you clearly don’t know?” I said shakin my head.

“Damn they hatin on you like that?” Kevin chimed in as he let the beat he just finished play.

“Yes! You would think I was Draya’s ass.” I said rollin my eyes as Mijo laughed.

“Yea cause they be comin for her non stop!” Mijo said laughin again.

“Shit I don’t feel bad…her big mouth ass deserves it..” I said lookin at my phone that lit up. PRIVATE.

Now I had only had a few blocked calls since Lycia called me in December but in the last two weeks they had picked up again. I figured it was her and I wasn’t gonna give her the satisfaction of tryin to scare me so I would mostly let them go to voicemail. But if I was turnt up I would answer and let Mijo talk shit for entertainment cause she would never say anything into the phone just breathe. FUCKIN CHILDISH! So not only was I bein stalked by Trey’s fans…I had Chris’s crazy ass ex fuckin with me daily! I was over it all!

“When Chris supposed to get here?” Ty finally said walkin over and takin some of my Skittles.

COULD YA’LL GET YOUR OWN PLEASE!!!

  “He said he was on his way when I called him a minute ago.” Kevin said.

“Aight…cause a nigga hungry…Hele get us some food man!” He said rubbin his stomach.

WHEN DID I BECOME THE ASSISTANT???

“Hell yeah…bout to pass out in this bitch!” Trell chimed in.

“Hungry ass niggas…What ya’ll want?” I said scrollin through my answerin the text I got. CHRIS.

CHRIS: I want some Ice Cream. ;)

ME: Oh Yeah?

CHRIS: Yup! I wanna Ce you Cream on my tongue! :p

ME: Just nasty!! ;p

CHRIS: I know! On my way. ;)

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud and get turned on at the same damn time…I had totally forgot Ty and Trell were talkin to me!

“She ain’t even listenin to ya’ll she cakin with that nigga Chris!” Mijo said laughin.

HOW HE KNOW!

“Wha..What?….I am not!” I said laughin and lyin horribly.

“Man ain’t that bout a bitch…Tell that nigga to pick up some Chik-Fila!” Ty said

“I’m not talkin to him!” I tried to lie but I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

“Anybody ever tell you you’re a bad liar?” Kevin said laughin.

“Ya’ll need to shut up!” I said gettin up.

“Has that ass got phatter cause daaaaamn Hele!” Ty said starin at my ass.

BOY STOP!

“Breezy been bangin the shit out of it…Got that ass sittin out there now!” Trell said laughin.

“Big Booty Judy…Big Booty Judy.” Kevin sang and laughed.

“Oh! I knew that song was bout her…Cause Draya wish she had an ass like dat!” Trell said laughin.

OH MY GOD!

“Ya’ll are stupid…Aint none of those songs bout me and stay up out my business!” I said now feelin awkward caue everyone but Mijo was focused on my ass!

“Well actually there mostly bout you.” Kevin added “Breezy just didn’t tell you.”

“Huh?” I said confused.

I knew if he had any songs bout me he would always tell me so now I wanted to know which ones! I was feelin super uncomfortable so I decided to leave out.

“Yea…You should ask him.” Kevin said smilin.

“Well I’m gonna go get ya’ll damn Chik-fila…and stop lookin at my ass!” I said walkin out.

After I got their damn food. I headed back to the studio. I couldn’t wait to for this session to be over cause after Chris’s texts that he had been sendin me all day I DEFINITELY WANTED SOME MONSTA! We hadn’t been alone in a few days cause I had been busy with the Dance 1 : LA kids…and he couldn’t seem to shake Draya. So I was overdue for some ATTENTION! When I walked back in the studio I had to do everythin not to drop all the food on the floor. Sittin in the chair across from Chris on her laptop  was  DRAYA! I couldn’t believe she ACTUALLY came cause she had been avoidin most of the sessions. She looked up and gave me a friendly smile. BITCH!

WHAT THE HELL???

I didn’t return the smile but looked over at Chris who had his back to me talkin to Kevin. I’M GONNA KICK HIS ASS!! I thought. He knew I meant what I said that the next time I saw her I was gonna beat her ass for that stunt she pulled with Trey! I guess Mijo and Ty sensed it so they damn near ambushed me before I could say somethin.

“Aye…Thanks Hele!” Ty said grabbin the food out my hands.

“You’re welcome.” I said as Chris turned to look at me.

I gave him a look of WE NEED TO TALK! But he just gave me one of JUST CALM DOWN. Uggh! What he mean calm down! I don’t know what was goin on but I felt like I was bein set up! I WAS NOT FEELIN IT!

“Sis come look at this video real quick.” Mijo said blockin my view of Draya.

“Aight.” I said walkin with him.

We sat on the couch next to two girls that Trell was now talkin to. Mijo started the video but my mind was racin…WHY WOULD HE GET ME ALL RILED UP IF HE WAS JUST GONNA BE HERE WITH HER? I mean I knew I couldn’t get mad but I was definitely irritated…Cause truthfully I was cool with this down low shit  just as long as I didn’t have to see the attention seekin bitch! After a few minutes she got up and walked over to me and Mijo.

BITCH YOU DON’T WANT IT!

“Um Sweets can I talk to you for a minute?” She asked nicely. WHY?

“What we gotta talk about?” I fired at her.

“I wanted to talk to you about somethings I had said…Could we please?” She said almost like she had a heart!

I couldn’t believe she was tryin to be all cordial and shit! NOPE! I ain’t got shit to say!

“Nah…I’m good.” I said as Mijo bumped my arm. WHAT?

“Man just go talk!” Mijo said

WHAT?

He knew I couldn’t stand her! Had he lost his mind?…Cause if she said one thing slick I was gonna punch her in her mouth… No hesitation!

“Please…Not on no bullshit.” She said holdin up her hands.

“Just go.” Mijo said bumpin my arm again.

DAMMIT!

I sat there and looked at her hard tryin to read her….But I came up with nothin. I was definitely on guard as I slowly stood up. I looked over at Chris who still had his back to us. And I knew by how he was actin he knew she wanted to talk to me. I’M REALLY GONNA FUCK HIM UP! I reluctantly followed behind her as she entered the lounge room. I kept my distance as she sat on the couch and began.

“I really don’t know how to say this other than I’m sorry.” She said lookin at me.

 I didn’t speak.

“I shouldn’t have told Trey the things I did…But I was pissed and drunk…That was no excuse…Cause it wasn’t my place and for that I’m sorry.” She said almost soundin genuine.

I knew the only reason she was apologizin was because of Chris…I stared at her lookin desperate for me to say somethin…But I just didn’t trust her or the words that were comin out her mouth! I was just waitin on her angle.

“You were definitely out of line…and I don’t think I can accept your apology right now.” I said finally.

“Look I know we have been on bad terms for a long time but I really just wanna call a truce…I’m tryin to change a lot about myself and bein spiteful with you is one of the biggest things I wanna let go…I mean we used to be friends til this whole Chris thing!”  She said shakin her head.

USED TO BE!

“Well I guess you should’ve thought bout that when you was on a mission to get him for yourself…Bein the girlfriend isn’t all that you thought it would be…Huh?” I fired.

She lowered her head and shook it. THAT’S WHAT YOU GET BITCH!

“I never thought I would love and hate somebody as much as I do him…” She said in a shaky voice.

WHAT?

“I mean I have never been drawn to a person like I am to him but it’s like we don’t connect on so many things that it’s drainin.” She continued.

“You wanted it…Takes more than fuckin him good to hold him down or understand him.” I said coldly.

She looked up and had tears runnnin down her face. Now I had no sympathy for her at the moment but I definitely knew those tears…The pain behind them…And how real they were. But she dug her own fuckin whole!

“I thought I did…Now I know I’ve been chasin someone who clearly is in love with someone else…” She said lookin at me.

WELL

“Chris has been through a lot and tryin to make yourself believe he is ready to settle down with anybody is bein in denial…Why you think I let him go….I love that man in there with every part of me…but I also know he is not done growin or healin.” I said

“Pssh…Who you tellin…I just thought he would do it over time but I see he is still lovin in the past….” She said wipin her face. “He is just so good to Niko…You know…I have never let my son be around my boyfriends before him and I guess I just saw that and thought that love would transfer over to me…but I was wrong…”

Damn.

I was really blown away by her honesty…I mean I knew she used Niko to practically control him…But I didn’t realize she was tryin to use that to make Chris love her.

“I know you guys have something special…I have always known and I envied that cause I couldn’t….No matter how hard I try to have that type of connection with him…” She said tearin up again.

“He was my bestfriend first…I never had to win him over…We grew together…If I never go back to him…We will always have that.” I said matter of factly.

She nodded agreein.

“Well you should know I’m cool with that…I’m not blind to the fact that you guys still fuck around…Not sayin I like it but I’m realistic…What man doesn’t cheat? At least I know who it’s with and I know why.” She said smoothin down her shorts.

WHAT?

“So this was all to tell me your ok with me and him still fuckin around?” I asked confused as fuck by her logic!

“Basically… Now I’m not sayin I’m givin up on me and him…I’m just sayin I don’t want animosity between me and you because he obviously loves you deeply so I’m just gonna respect that and focus on what we got together for my son’s sake.” She said standin up.

WOW…..JUST WOW!

I was in pure shock…She was gonna share Chris??? This was all too confusin for me…I knew I should be laughin in her face but it wasn’t even worth it cause she was obviously desperate to hold on…I just didn’t understand it! WHY NOT LET IT GO??? But if she was willin to torture herself…Who was I to talk her out of it…

“I really don’t know what to say.” I said still tryin to process the conversation.

“Just know I’m done with the fightin and I’m gonna focus my attention on other things…Do your thing.” She said walkin out the door.

IS THIS REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY???

I stood there runnin through my thoughts…SHE HAD TO BE CRAZY! Even I wouldn’t give another bitch PERMISSION to keep fuckin my man…unless….unless I had my own shit goin on! That’s when it hit me…She had finally got to her FUCK IT point…But instead of losin her now public status as CHRIS BROWN’S GIRLFRIEND…She was gonna get her own side thing! Which I felt she had all along…I shook my head cause I knew this was gonna end badly…but like I said who am I to talk her out of it!

I WANNA WAKE UP IN YOUR ARMS

I sat there watchin Chris sleep…My thoughts were so deep that I couldn’t sleep even after goin three rounds with him. He seemed so comfortable…So at peace that it had me thinkin hard on what we were actually doin. I had never saw myself as somebody’s other girl and after the conversation I had with Draya…It had me rethinkin the whole thing. Somthin told me that was her motivation for squashin things and I really didn’t like that the manipulation was workin. I mean I was lovin where me and Chris were as far our connection but it was all tainted. We were both pretendin fulltime and tryin hard to ignore thae fact that Draya was still in the picture…no matter what the reasons was.

Curious

I had never been one to snoop…But when I saw his phone flash on my nightstand I suddenly had the urge to check it. I know…I know…Wrong thing to do but I couldn’t help the overwhelmin feelin that was pushin me to do it. I took a minute and debated whether I REALLY wanted to go there but after it flashed two more times I decided to grab it. I quickly checked the now four text messages.

DEANNA: What happened to you?

I instantly rolled my eyes and felt a flame cause he was STILL talkin to her and cause she was STILL tryin to get MY MONSTA! I took a mental note and erased it. BITCH!

JASMINE: Hey! I know it’s late but it was really nice meeting you the other day!

Who?

JASMINE: Oh and give me a call so we can go on that run sometime! Goodnight :)

I read the message over ….and I didn’t have a clue as to who she could be so I left it. I mean she seemed harmless.

DRAYA: I knew you were gonna do this again. I really want to make this work and I’m

              tryin. I just wish you would make up your mind.

I reread it over and could feel the hurt behind her words…Cause well I had been there  SO MANY TIMES! And I didn’t expect it to but I was startin to really feel bad. I was about to put the phone down when another message came in so I checked it.

DRAYA: This is all so hard for me but I am willing to let you love her. Call me in the

               morning. I love you.

That made me freeze. I knew now that she didn’t have an angle and was really hurtin behind all of this. I never thought I would but I knew this had to stop. In reality I wasn’t winnin…I was goin against everythin I believed in…I had become all those girls he had cheated on me with. I was causin someone else to feel the pain I never wanted anyone to feel…It just wasn’t right. I quickly put his phone back down and got out of the bed. This all had my mind racin a mile a minute. I mean I was in love with him and I didn’t want to share but I WAS THE ONE WHO PUT US IN THIS POSITION! I knew I shouldn’t have but at the time I was hurtin myself and I just didn’t care but it had been 3 months and I felt more empty now then I did then. Everythin we were right now was a lie…and I CREATED IT! How?…How did I let myself become this person?

 LOVE…

I continued to pace for awhile and then sat back on the bed. I guess movement startled him and he looked at me with one eye.

“What you doin up?” He said in a raspy tone.

“I couldn’t sleep…” I trailed off and lookin away.

“What’s on your mind?” He said sittin up slowly and rubbin his eyes.

I sighed deeply cause I didn’t know if I wanted to tell the truth. But I knew he would see right through me if I told him it was nothin…So I caved.

“Are you ok with this?” I asked playin with my fingers.

“Ok with what?” He said leanin back on my headboard.

“Ok with what we’re doin?” I said lookin over at him.

He sat there for a few seconds before he sighed and closed his eyes tight. I guess I already knew the answer because he had tried time and time again to get talk about me  bein his again and I would shut him down before he could start the conversation. Damn.

“Honestly…No. You know what I want but I ain’t gonna force you to make up your mind…” He said finally openin his eyes.

Damn…

 “I know….I just wasn’t ready to be in a official relationship…Cause I didn’t feel like you could really give me your all…I mean look at this…How do I know you wouldn’t be doin this samethin with the next new girl that flashed a smile.” I said bluntly.

I saw him look over at me quickly and the expression on his face told it all…WRONG THING TO SAY!

“Are you serious right now? I only went along with this shit cause this is how YOU wanted it!” He said with flames in his eyes. “You think I wanted this stress? Hell No! But I love you and I was willin to do whateva til you made up yo damn mind!”

I sat there speechless as he got up and sat on the edge of the bed with his back to me. SHIT! Ok this was all backfirin!

“I know I wanted like this…but It’s not right!” I said feelin frustrated.

“It’s not right?…Not right for who?” He said dryly.

“For both of us…Chris you got somebody…” I said quietly.

“You knew that from the start and you never cared…Why you care now?” He said with his back still to me.

“I just do.” I said now irritated cause he called me out.

“She got to you didn’t she? She made you feel bad….Pssh I knew this shit was comin.” He said getting up and pullin on his boxers.

“Don’t act like I’m the one who brought her to the studio to talk to me!” I fired back.

“Ha! You right I did…Cause I just knew there was no way in hell you was gonna fall for her bullshit…But I was wrong!” He said pullin his shirt on.

WHAT THE HELL?

“The fuck you mean?” I said standin up.

“She told me she wanted to apologize but I knew she was gonna pull more than that…But I wasn’t trippin cause I figured you would see right through it…You think she sittin around cryin over me? Hell nah…She at her other nigga’s house and probably textin me hopin I feel bad and leave like I’m stupid!” He said puttin on his J’s.

WHAT IS REALLY GOIN ON HERE????

Now I was irked…Cause the bitch had actually fooled me! And after readin the text she sent… He was actually dead on! SO THAT CONVO WAS REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY! But wait where you goin?

“So why put up with it then…Huh?…If she plays so many damn games….Why you keep fuckin with her?” I shot back sincerely wantin to know. I MEAN END IT ALREADY!!!

“CAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO BE WITH ME REMEMBER!” He yelled. “EVEN THO YOU ARE….DONT ASK ME TO FIGURE OUT YOUR BACKWARD ASS THINKIN!”

NIGGA!

Ok now I was pissed! Not sure if it was cause he was yellin at me or cause he had a point. But FUCK IT!

“IF YOU WANTED ME SO BAD YOU COULD’VE ENDED IT WITH HER A LOOONG TIME AGO! DID YOU EVER THINK THAT’S WHAT I WAS WAITIN FOR?” I yelled back.

NOW WHAT!

“You so full of shit…It’s like this you ain’t gotta go through your “Its not gonna work out…I’m leavin” yada yada shit…I’m gonna save you the trouble this time…I’m done!” He said grabbin his phone off my nightstand and goin for the door.

OH SHIT!

Wait! This was not where I was goin with this…My mind stalled before it registered that he had just ended it! WAIT WHAT?? I stood there confused…IS HE REALLY DONE?

“Are you serious?” I said in shock.

“Dead. You always screamin I’m confused when it’s been you the whole time…Quit puttin that shit on me…I got enough guilt and bullshit from you to last me a lifetime.” He said walkin out my bedroom door.

DAMN!

I didn’t know what to do…I was literally froze in place. I had done it…I had made him walk away. WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKIN HELENA? Was all I could scream at myself. And just like that I heard his Lambo start…I swear he sat there and waited a good five minutes. I wanted to run after him and maybe that’s what he was waitin for but…but I didn’t and I don’t know why. Soon I heard him peel off. He was gone…

“I’m done!”

I fucked up…

“All this bottle poppin got me feelin nicely…leavin by myself is highly unlikely.”

(Chris POV)

 

Once I touched down in the ATL I tried callin Sweets a hundred times and she wasn’t answerin. It scared the shit out of  me especially after that CRAZY BITCH Lycia called her. I mean how the fuck does she keep findin her! It made me feel like shit that all this was even happenin to her. It was like MY MISTAKE kept hauntin her in the worst ways!  So I couldn’t…I couldn’t let anythin happen to her anymore than it already has. I talked to Mark and he said there wasn’t much we could do unless we could get some kind of information on Lycia for a restrainin order. I called the number I had for her but it was disconnected. And before we left I left LA me and Mijo went by her old place but she didn’t live there anymore. It’s like the bitch just turned into a ghost and was hauntin a nigga! I swear I regretted even givin her the time a day…I really wished I woulda listened to Bow. I couldn’t dwell on it…it was done…Now I just had to find a way to make sure Sweets stayed safe.

After I checked into my hotel me and Mijo continued to call her…Shit I even called Mommi to see if she had heard from her and no luck…I mean I know it was 7 am but After what she told me I wasn’t gonna be cool til I knew she was ok. FUCK! Somethin told me she was hardheaded and didn’t go to a hotel so I decided I would go by her  place. I called Randa  and she told me she hadn’t talked to her since yesterday mornin but she would meet me at Sweets. Around 8 we finally headed over. When we pulled up there was a rental car in the drive way and that made my heart drop! THAT BITCH ACTUALLY CAME TO HER HOUSE! Me, Mijo and Pat jumped out immediately and I ran to the door. I started ringin the bell like crazy…NO ANSWER . So I started to beat on the door…NO ANSWER! FUUUCK! As I kept ringin the bell I saw Randa pull up. But before she could get up the drive way the door opened.

REALLY?

Sweets opened the door and her hair was all over her head…She had on a beater with no bra and slippers. She looked like she had one of OUR long ass nights! I was definitely confused as to why she hadn’t answered her fuckin phone cause it wasn’t like her…she wasn’t no damn heavy sleeper!

“Why you haven’t been answer your phone?” I asked frustrated but relieved that she was ok.

“I didn’t hear it cause it was on slient…I kept get blocked calls so I said fuck it and turned the ringer off….Why you bring everybody?” She said rubbin her eyes and looked at Pat, Mijo and now Randa.

“Cause we couldn’t get a hold of you and I thought that bitch was over here!” I said tryin to figure out why she looked so throwed.

“Oh well I’m fine.” She said tryin to brush her wild hair down.

“So whose car is that?” Mijo finally asked.

“That’s-“

“Aye Honey did you see where I put my ke-“

I couldn’t believe my FUCKIN EYES! There standin in her hallway was fuck TREY! Now Me and him had squashed our beef over Sweets after that night when Sweets caught me with Draya…And we had got back on cool terms enough that I had did a song with him that  I put on GRAFFITI!! We didn’t talk everyday but we talked enough to where I considered him a homie AGAIN! And now he was standin in her FUCKIN HALLWAY! I took one look at him then I looked at Sweets and it all made since…THAT’S WHY HER ASS WASN’T ANSWERIN AND LOOKED LIKE SHE HAD BEEN UP ALL NIGHT! I wanted to fuck him UP! But nah…not this time…See there was rules to this game and well If that’s how she was gonna play it again…HE CAN HAVE HER! This exactly why I kept Draya around…SHE WASN’T GONNA PUNK ME!

“Trey?” I heard Randa say.

“Yo what the fuck nigga?” Mijo said.

Trey walked towards the door. And It took everythin in me not to punch the shit ot of him but I kept my cool…

“Chris it’s not what you think we-“ Sweets started to say

“We just stayed up all night workin on this song…that’s it.” Trey interrupted her and tried to explain.

BUT HOW THE FUCK YOU KNOW SHE WAS HERE?

“Aight…” Was all I said and then lookin at Sweets who was actually calm.

“Nigga she don’t look like ya’ll was just writin!” Mijo fired off. “You aint got enough of tryin to follow behind homie!”

“Nigga what?…Look I aint gotta lie…If I fucked I would say so cause I’m real…but we aint did shit.” Trey fired at Mijo.

Sweets then shot him the evilest look and I knew his words didn’t sit well with her.

“What the fuck you mean you would say it?” She fired at him.

“Hell I would cause I aint gotta hide shit!”  He said carelessly and then I found it amusin cause well he was diggin a whole.

GUESS SHE NOT LYIN!

“See that’s the bullshit I’m talkin! You would tell that shit…just no regards to my feelins huh?” Sweets said pushin him.

DAMN!

“Whoa chill….Why the fuck you always flyin off the handle?” Trey said still tryin to keep his cool with her.

 YOU BETTA NIGGA!

“Cause you say the most fucked up shit! Get the fuck out!” She said walkin to the key stand and throwin them at him.

OUCH!

“Man we just had a cool night…and you gonna trip off some petty shit?” Trey said pickin his keys and bag up.

“Maybe next time you will THINK before you speak!” She said unapologetic.

“Man aight…I’mma go cause you showin out…” Trey mumbled and walked up to me. “I swear it was all business.”

“You good.” I said calmly as I laughed at him on the inside.

“Oh and tell Draya that the next time she wanna run her mouth to you I’mma fuck her up!” Sweets added.

WHAT?

Trey spun around and looked at her in shock…Like she wasn’t supposed to say anythin. I looked at him and he looked like a deer caught in the headlights!

“What the fuck?” I asked irritated now.

“Aw shit!” Mijo then said laughin.

“See this why I can’t stand dat bitch! Oh My God!” Randa then added and walked past bumpin Trey.

Trey then turned to me. WHAT THE FUCK REALLY GOIN ON????

“Wait…wait before you think anythin…I aint fucked with that bitch!” Trey said holdin up his hands.

 I wasn’t pissed …I was just irritated cause I didn’t know he had been talkin to Draya!

“Then what she talkin bout?” I asked raisin my eyebrow.

“Aye Breezy I know that’s ya girl and all but she got a big fuckin mouth…She told me all ya’ll business…Make it so bad she kept tryin to draw attention to us and they took a few pics..I was gonna tell you all about it tonight…She faulty bro.” Trey said sincerely.

WHY AM I NOT SHOCKED?

“When did this all happen?” I questioned just to get the details before I cussed her the fuck out!

“Like last Thursday…Yea she was makin sure people saw us together once I noticed I moved around.” He said shakin his head.

“Aight.” Was all I said

I knew Draya had been runnin her mouth but to go and tell Trey Sweet’s business was just petty and messy! I was really gettin fuckin tired of her childish ass games…and every time I called her on em she would play stupid….I mean how many times does somebody gotta get beat up by chicks before you learn to keep ya mouth CLOSED! I also knew she thought by goin to Trey wit it would get under my skin so I decided I wasn’t gonna trip she was just gonna get pushed farther away… cause at this point I was just lettin her hang herself.

“Well I’m out…See ya’ll tonight…By Honey wit cha mean ass!” He said laughin and walkin to his car.

Sweets just rolled her eyes and walked back upstairs. I followed her cause I still was curious on how he ended up over at her house. When I got to the door I heard her and Randa goin back and forth. Sweets said that it was fucked up for her to give Trey her number with checkin with her first and Randa said she didn’t think it was a big deal cause they had work together before. Damn Randa! I decided to knock before I walked in.

“What you want light bright?” Randa said

“Look whose talkin…wit cha glowin ass.” I said laughin

“Pssh whateva..I gotta go…” She said leavin out the room.

 

I walked over to the bed and watched Sweets go through her closet…Even tho seein Trey and the crazy shit with Lycia had me bugged out for her…I couldn’t help but admire her…She was stubborn as hell but I wouldn’t want her to be any other way! I knew that she would always hold her ground and never let anyone make her doubt her views passions…I mean there were only a few 22 year olds that have only been through half of what she has and still came out of it like a BOSS! She walked in and threw two outfits on the bed…I saw her debatin so I finally decided to speak.

“The red one for right now and the black one for tonight.” I said watchin for her reaction and pullin my phone up by her nightstand.

She looked over at me for a moment then smiled. YEA I GOT TASTE!

“I was thinkin the same thing…Stay out my head!” She said smilin hard

“Hey I got taste too!” I said winkin at her.

“Can you believe your bout to have your release party?” She said takin off her beater and pulliin on her top.

“Man been through hell to get this out…Iont even care what they say about it…I’m just glad to give TEAMBREEZY good music…they deserve it!”

“You got that right!” She said pullin on the red skinny jeans. SO SEXY!

“I bout to finish up this mixtape and got some more videos to shoot with Keri, Ester and Diddy so I’m gonna keep my shit out there damn the fuckin critics.” I said frustrated.

“Yea I read some of them…It’s like all they wanna talk about is Rob not about how damn good the album is!” She said wrinklin her nose and tryin to put on her stiletto.

“Don’t even worry bout it…cause I’m not…So how Trey get your number anyway?” I finally asked.

“Randa’s ass!….Guess she ran into him on Peachtree and he asked so she gave it to him.” She said rollin her eyes. HMMM.

“So why you let him stay the night tho?” I had to ask. WHAT?

“We got done with the song late and I was nervous about sleepin here alone so I had him crash in the guest bedroom downstairs….Shit that way if the crazy bitch get in she would go for him first!” She said laughin.

DAMN! THAT’S FUCKED UP! HA!

“That’s  cold…you gonna let the nigga get fucked up…I think I agree with him witcha mean ass!” I said laughin and goin to her nightstand to check my phone.

When I reached for it I saw something black stickin out from under her pillow. I was curious so I lifted it up and it was a DAMN GUN!!

“What the fuck you doin with this?” I asked her pullin the pillow all the way back.

“I got it for protection….I refuse to be ran out of my home or take the chance of somebody attackin me in it…Never-again” She gritted out walkin over and pickin it up like a BOSS!

 DAMN!  

I had to gather myself cause seein her handle it so comfortably was definitely a turn on…but at the same time I was afraid she might actually use it and scar herself even more!

“I understand but you gotta let a nigga know you got it out like that… I could sat on it and got shot in the ass!” I said shakin my head and laughin a little. “Plus you know a nigga on probation…I can get locked up just bein around one.”

“Oh shit that’s right…Fuck…I’m sorry…Here I will put it away.” She said goin to her closet.

“Look at you all up in here GI Jane style!” I said putting my phone in  my pocket.

“Hey somebody gotta do it…My hero can’t be around all the time.” She said smiling and walkin over to me.

“Just promise me this…Don’t use it unless you have to and if you do…unload on they ass!” I said wrappin my arms around her waist.

“Look at you..puttin down rules.” She said with a sexy tone.

“Well I gotta look out for you…I missed you.” I said leanin down and kissin her. MMMM.

“I see….” She said kissin me back. “But  we got shit to do…let’s go!”

She pulled away and grabbed her purse. DAMMIT!

“Aye…I was tryna get me some first…shit!” I said as she walked out the door.

“You gonna have to wait playa…let’s go!” She said from the hallway.

Guess payback was a bitch!

PARTY AND BULLSHIT

My release party was the shit! I had all the old CBE crew to come down plus all my industry homies. Draya wanted to come but she had a photo shoot…Which was cool cause I wanted to hang with Sweets anyway. Plus after I cussed her the fuck out for tellin all the business I knew she was gonna hide. Shit I wasn’t even gonna try and stop the asss whoopin Sweets said she was gonna give her…she shouldn’t have been runnin her mouth! After the party it was back to finish up these shows and see how GRAFFITI was gonna do…and well by what TEAMBREEZY was letting me know….Fuckin stores was lyin about even havin the albums and Walmart just totally black balled me all together! I could help but be hurt…I tweeted to all of them that they had to keep houndin the stores and let it be known they were black ballin me…but that blew up in my face cause the media ran with it and said I was crybaby and what did I expect! FUCK THAT! I was runnin on E! for the next month. I could believe it was really happenin like this! I was startin to doubt everythin and everybody. I felt like my label had left me out to dry and Tina wasn’t doin enough….And everytime I tried to take shit into my own hands I got bashed! I was stuck.

WHAT NOW!

By the end of January I was hard at work with K-Mac to wrap up the mixtape…I decided on callin it IN MY ZONE …..DJ Drama said he would host it and it was comin out DOPE! I was proud of every song…I was ready to do this shit MY WAY! If they wasn’t gonna play my shit fine…But they wasn’t gonna shut me up…NOT NOW…NOT EVER! I decided on Valentine’s Day as the release date…Cause I wanted it to be a gift to TEAMBREEZY who were still fightin so hard for GRAFFITI !! I was still fightin to try and do a European leg of the Fan appreciation tour but it was more of the same BULLSHIT! While I was workin on the mixtape I had started ustreamin as well I want TEAMBREEZY to see my process and stay connected…The label didn’t like it but I didn’t give a fuck about how they felt cause they wasn’t pullin for me so I was gonna  make the rules! I mean what did I really have to lose at this point!

 Draya was lovin the Ustreams cause she could keep up with me when she wasn’t in the studio with me which was startin to get rarer…..I guess she could sense I was startin to pull away and she was tryin everythin to hold on. Honestly I was over it all. I was tired of the complainin, the insecurities, the lies, the sneakiness, the constant and blatant disrespect just to get a rise out of me, her mouth and most of all her SlICK ASS COMMENTS ON SWEETS! I knew she would only do it to push my buttons and that’s why I would react…I would just send her ass to voicemail or fly back to VA to get away way from her….I knew I had had enough and the end was comin ….and she knew it too! At the same time the more I pulled away from Draya and her games the closer me and Sweets got…It was cool to not only have my bestfriend back without our usual drama…but she was puttin shit down on me that had me writin songs about it the next day! SHIIIT!! I aint gonna lie…she had me open again…and truthfully I was lovin her and all of it! SHE COULDN’T BE FUCKED WITH!

I’ll admit I got nervous when she said her and Trey had got back cool….I knew me and her wasn’t OFFICIAL and it worried me that she might cave and go back to him. I couldn’t stomach the thought of her givin him what she was givin me but what could I do…NOT A DAMN THANG! I know I was draggin my feet but she was still insistin on not bein back together…it’s like every time I brought the subject up she didn’t want to talk about it…But truthfully she was in denial cause we were basically IN A RELATIONSHIP! Somethin kept tellin me that she was now usin Draya as an excuse…I could see she was enjoyin the freedom of bein single but havin the luxury of havin me too. And that shit didn’t feel good cause well it was déjà vu just the roles were reversed! I couldn’t let myself go out like some punk but at the same time I wasn’t willin to give up hope…I mean she couldn’t keep denyin how she felt about us forever…or maybe I was just wantin what I couldn’t have…

Somethin got to give…