“You’re a breath of fresh air…I need you without you I can’t live…Your in cahoots with my heart…”

 (SWEETS POV)

Just the feelin of his lips against my skin…The movement of his hands on my body were enough to make my head explode…I needed him…I wanted him more than anythin in the world at that moment. His kisses were like a drug and I didn’t want to be sober. As he hovered over me lookin me in my eyes…The world seemed to disappear around us…All the hurt…Gone…All the emptiness…Gone. I was now bein filled with PURE LOVE. No conditions…No terms…No games…Just LOVE. As his sweat dripped down on to me and he hit all the places he knew inside of me like a symphony….My body sung back to him in perfect harmony. Only matched by our moans and screams. He took his time…no roughness…Just deep slow strokes that made me dig my nails into his back and call out to GOD! The deeper he went the more a called out…Every stroke emphasizin his love for me. How he moved his hips…up and down and around I thought I could pass out from the ecstasy and pain that felt so good. He was makin love to me. I NEEDED this…He NEEDED this…We NEEDED this…As his breathin became ragged and kisses became deeper…I saw him pull back and with tears in his eyes…

“Don’t leave…Me…please.”He said quietly as MONSTA began to flex. “I need…y-you…Say you’ll al –waysss be mine.”

I couldn’t help but feel the tears form…As he went deeper makin me yell out.

“Your num-ber one….You her-re me!” He said as he leaned his head on mine as he tried to keep control. “Say…it…Sa-y you’ll alw-ayss be mine…”

I searched his eyes as his tears fell onto my cheeks…And my heart spoke.

“Al-ways…” Was all I could say breathlessly and grabbin on to him tighter as my tears began to fall.

He kissed me deep as I tried to yell out…I felt the strongest sensation shoot from my toes up my legs to my spine. He moved up in me one last time and we both EXPLODED…Together.

LOVE….

When I woke up the next mornin with his arms wrapped around me tight…I knew somethin was definitely different about last night. I felt different inside. My heart didn’t feel heavy…I didn’t feel like I wanted to cry. I felt like somethin had been put back together and I was whole from the inside out. It was an almost erry inner calm that I was somehow ok with. I looked at him snorin so softly…I admired the tatts across the top of his chest…I traced my finger across one of the roses of the two he had just add to his piece. I couldn’t help but smile because last night he had told me that they were Me and Cheyanne… Just like our matchin 3 stars. He said the reason he got the roses was because everyone believed his 3 star tatt was for Rob…Which wasn’t true…So he got me and Cheyanne our own that nobody could say they were for anybody else. It made me cry. Just knowin that he wanted to represent his “FAMILY” as he said…Made me feel treasured. As far as I knew none of his other tatts were for anybody he had been with but me…I was really NUMBER ONE.

JUST BUSINESS

Three weeks later I had to fly out to NY to meet with Rob. I will admit I was not lookin forward to talkin to the woman involved with almost single handedly DESTROYIN the man I loved. But I had meditated on it. I had to put the anger and frustration I had felt all these years for her behind me…I needed MY OWN CLOSURE. I had questions…I needed them answered. Then and only then…Would I be able to let go. I had heard that she was now “INVOLVED” with Drake and wanted to have him featured on our song “What’s My Name?” Now Ester felt good about it.  But I had my own opinions about that. Chris decided to stay in LA cause he had rehearsals for an up comin show in Jamaica with Usher. So Kevin said he would fly out with me to help keep me calm.

When we arrived at the rooftop party  Polow was throwin…I was ready for anythin. It helped that Kev was there only cause I didn’t want to walk in alone. Even though I had a sneaky suspicion that Chris is the one who encouraged him to insist on goin with me in the first place. What Chris FAILED to realize was Kevin couldn’t stop me if I needed to CHECK THAT BITCH…POINT BLANK PERIOD! But I was gonna hear her out and get my questions answered.

“HEEEY SWEETS!” Polow said givin me a hug and handin me a champagne glass.

 “Hey Polow.” I said takin the glass as he looked over at Kevin.

“I’m glad you made it…Didn’t know you was…uh bringin a friend.” He emphasized and raised his eyebrow at Kevin.

“Polow this Kevin…Kevin Mccall…Chris’s artist.” I reminded him.

He looked at him for a few seconds an then it dawned on him.

“OH SHIT…Yea…Yea…You that Dueces…Tyson look a like muthafucka!” He said in his normally blunt way as he dapped him “You got some dope shit man!”

“Uh thanks man…I’m a big fan of your stuff.” Kev said laughin lightly.

“Well you keep doin your thing…I heard some of you and Chris’s mixtape shit…Crazy!” Polow said.

“Preciate it…Comin from you that’s wild.” Kev said shocked.

“Aw man I give props where props is due…We gonna have to exchange contacts cause I might have some shit for you.” Polow said as Ester walked over.

“Word! Yea…Yea…We can do that.” Kev said now excited.

“HEEEEYY NIGGAS WHAT YA’LL DOIN!” Ester screamed in her country accent!

“Hey E!” I said huggin her.

“You ready to party girl? I see you dressed to kill and Ooo you got you a new man girl?” She said eyein Kevin and gettin distracted.

OH MY GOD!

“No…This is Kevin remember?” I said refreshin her memory.

“OOOOOH yea….Yea you that chocolate sexy thang from Chris’s video.” She said eyein him still.

WOW

“Damn…Guilty I guess.” Kev said laughin nervously.

“Oh you guilty alright… Sexy thang you…You gone take yo shirt off tonight cause-“

“Ester!” I said interruptin the verbal sex she was havin with him!

“What…Oh…My fault…I just be sayin shit…So ya’ll seen Rih yet?” Ester said lookin at Polow.

“Nah she said she on her way.” Polow said laughin and shakin his head at her.

“Ok cool…Cool…Welp I’m gonna go get me a drink…Polow you gonna take me to yo stash of Ace I know you got some in here!” She said

“You always tryin to drink my expensive shit…I’m takin it out yo check!” Polow joked.

“Shit I got you pimp…We bout to get paid!” She said laughin. “Oh and nice meetin you Kevin….If she don’t hit that give me a call!” She winked.

WHAT?… CRAZY ASS!

“Oh my God…” I said coverin my face.

“Wow.” Was all he said as he busted out laughin.

“Excuse her lets go.” I said grabbin his hand.

After 45 minutes of hangin out and a couple more drinks…Me and Kev were havin a blast dancin and singin to the music. I had almost forgot why I was there when I saw HER come in. I watched her mingle a while and then I saw her speak to Polow and they both looked in my direction. I saw her say somethin else and then come towards my direction. I swear as she got closer I said a silent prayer to pleeease not let MOMMI come out in me and let me handle this in mature manner.

“Hey Sweets…How you been girl?” She said like we were old friends that talked all the time.

HUH?

“Been good…Been real good…and you?” I asked cordially.

“Oh you know…The usual…So I wanted to talk to you for a minute…That cool?” She said gettin to the point.

“Sure…um.” I said lookin over at Kevin who was now talkin to some girl.

SOME HELP YOU ARE!

“Ok let’s go.” She said reachin her hand out to me.

WHAT THE HELL???

I didn’t mean to…But I looked at her hand like it had SHIT ON IT! I mean HELLO WE ARE NOT FRIENDS! FUCK I LOOK LIKE?? I watched her look at my face and then put her hand back down shyly. And it took everythin in me not to laugh!

BITCH YOU THOUGHT!

“Okaaay…Guess that would be too soon.” She laughed lightly.

“Uh yea.” I said bluntly.

“My fault.” She said cooly. “Ok then follow me.”

I followed her to the inside of Polow’s loft. We ended up in an empty room and she closed the door. I don’t know why but I felt like I needed that door OPEN! Just in case I needed WITNESSES!

SO SERIOUS!

“So.” She said sittin on the bed as I sat on the chair away from her.

“So.” I said starin at her.

“Um…Look I know this is awkward…But I really felt like I wanted to get everythin out on the table and really close the door to the issues we have had from the past.” She said nervously.

Hmph…

“So I don’t know where to start but if that’s cool…I’m ready for it.” She finshed and waited.

Now I knew what I wanted to ask her…I just wasn’t sure I was actually ready for the answers. Cause if the bitch lied about any of it…I was pullin out of the project…PERIOD!

“Ok…Well there is a lot I would like to know…and from there we can see where this goes.” I said directly.

“Ok….Shoot.” She said sittin back on the bed.

“Did you ever feel bad knowin that me and Chris were together and you were sleepin with him behind my back?” I fired with no hesitation.

I guess the mention of his name and that situation threw her off guard and I saw her whole demeanor change. I saw her eyes soften but her face remained neutral.

“Honestly…At the time I didn’t give a fuck.” She said with slight emotion in her voice. “But lookin back on it now…I was dead wrong…and for that I am sorry…No bullshit.”

Mm hmm…

“So why didn’t you leave it alone or Not fuck with him.”I fired.

She began to shift uncomfortably…Pushin her now red hair off her shoulder and rubbin her neck.

“Because I…I had already fell for…him.” She said chosin her words. “He and I were drawn to each other…We were in love.”

Just hearin those words ignited somethin inside me…Not sure if it was my anger or my sheer belief that NOBODY AND I MEAN NOBODY COULD LOVE THAT MAN AS MUCH AS ME EXCEPT HIS MAMA… I felt like I was bein intruded upon…AGAIN! AND THAT’S A PROBLEM!

But I aint done yet…

“Did he come see you while I was in the hospital after I lost our baby?” I continued.

“Yes.” She said bluntly but quietly.

“So you knew I was pregnant…had lost the baby and you still wanted him to come see you?” I said with venom in my voice.

She took in a deep breath and let it out…She…adjusted herself uncomfortably on the bed and began again.

“Yes I knew you were pregnant…He told me when you guys found out for sure. I will admit I was soooo jealous that you were goin to be the mother of his first child…But then he called me and he told me you had lost it and he was cryin…I wanted to comfort him so I asked him to come to me.” She said swallowin back tears but keepin a stone face.

I fuckin hate you…

“And you didn’t think that was fucked up?” I said coldly tryin to control the flames that were burnin now.

“Sweets like I told you…I didn’t care about a lot of shit outside of my love for him at that time…I was stupid but you know what I have learned that karma is a bitch…And I will have to deal with my decisions…And thats why I wanted us to have this talk…I am truly truly sorry for any hurt I caused you.” She said softenin some.

Uh…Uh not good enough…

“One more thing.” I said as she finally looked back at me.

“Ok.” She said.

“Why didn’t you tell the whole story?” I said waitin.

“Whole story about what?” She said adjustin her dress nervously.

“Why didn’t you tell the world that you hit him…A LOT!” I fired. “Why you let him look like he was some monster when you had problems too? Huh?” I said feelin the flames grow larger.

I saw her eyes shoot up at me and they were a mixture of hurt and slight anger.

 BITCH DON’T YOU TRY IT!

“I had to look out for me…This happened to me…He made his choice that night…What happened before that had nothin to do with what he chose to do. I worry about him constantly and I don’t think its fair that he is made out to be a monster…but I got my own life…My own pain…My own loss….I get shitted on too…Fuck that.” She said as her face grew cold.

“Well maybe if you would have got help too…You wouldn’t feel as guilty as you do…Instead you chose to run him over…That was your choice.” I said standin up. “And until you admit to yourself that you had a fault in the whole situation too…Your goin to remain unhappy for along time…Yes he was dead wrong but you were dead wrong too.”

“Your still in love with him…” She said almost above a whisper and lookin down.

“Why do you say that?” I said thrown off.

“Because I see it…I see your love for him…It’s even stronger than it used to be…You still want to protect him from the…World.” She said pushin her red hair out of her now teary eyes.

“That’s what TRUE love does…Your will be willin to risk your own life and gain…to make sure the one you love is not harmed.” I said makin my point.

“You know I still love him so much…I just…We can’t so I have to bury that.” She said as her voice began to shake.

“If you really loved him…You wouldn’t have kicked him while he was down.”  I said walkin to the door. “You gonna have to admit the the truth one day…When you do that you’ll find peace.”

I said to her and walkin out the room. I felt like I made my points and I got my answers…Even though I still was irked ….I was at peace. The big redhead monster was no longer goin to be a factor in my life….Now let’s get this money.

 

NOW WHERE IS KEVIN?

When we finally finished up recordin the songs…S&M, Fading and What’s My Name…Without Drake. Two weeks had gone by and it was now the middle of September. Me and Rob had actually come to a cool place and it was actually SURREAL AS FUCK to be talkin to her on the phone, havin drinks and just chillin. I admit it was super hard for me to have a conversation with Chris and have to censor myself…because well I wasn’t tryin to stir up anything that would create and issue. He seemed happy for me tho…Just told me he missed me A LOT! He told me that he had met someone a while ago and they had startin talkin again. I know what your thinkin…HERE WE GO…SOME NEW CHICK!! I know but we had an understandin…After that night we shared it was like we were in different space with each other. I accepted that he was gonna continue datin and so was I…We knew that the best thing for us right now was to continue repairin the trust that had been lost between us…And at the end of the day we just wanted to see each other happy. So yea…I was ok with him datin some one new. Plus he had told me so much about her I couldn’t wait to meet this Ms. Kae! She seemed so cool.

By November we hard at work finishin up Chris’s third mixtape that he decided to name it IN MY ZONE 2. By the middle of November we had been spendin more time in VA  together so he could finish up the rest of his community service and classes. So we mostly used his studio for the rest of the project. Then one night he said he wanted me to meet somebody…

“Aye I got somebody I want you to meet.” He said nervously as he came to my room at his house.

“Who?” I said confused and typin on my Mac.

“Just come with me I need to see what you think.” He said scratchin the side of his head.

“Chris…I aint got time for one of your jokes I got paperwork to finish…You know I’m tryin to sell these properties!” I said wrinkling my nose.

“Man…Just come it will only take a minute…I need your opinion.” He said sincerely.

“Ch….Dammit negro…She betta be a bad bitch or Imma punch you in your balls!” I said gettin out the bed.

“HA! You always threaten to punch me in the balls…You just mean to them.” He said laughin as I followed him to his room.

“Shit betta hope next time I don’t bite em!” I said pushin him.

“Mmm that might can be arranged just not too hard you know…they sensitive.” He grabbin me from behind kissin my neck and walkin me to the door then stoppin.

“Whatever…What you doin?” I said as he stood in front of me.

“Hol’up…I’ll be right back.” He said makin a goofy face and then goin in the room and closin the door.

“What?” I said to myself out loud as I stood there.

WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOIN?

After 5 minutes he opened the door slowly.

“Ok…You ready?” He said smilin.

“Just move.” I said pushin the door open.

When I walked in his Mac was sittin on the bed so I walked over. He slowly followed me and when I climbed up to get a better view…MY HEART STOPPED! I immediately covered my mouth and so did SHE!

“Rue Rue?” I finally said behind my hand.

“Honey?” She said almost at the same time as me.

I immediately looked up at him who was now standin by the bed lookin at me with the most confused face I had every seen. I looked back at her and she was now lookin like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Wait ya’ll know each other?” He finally said climbin into the bed next to me.

We both looked at each other and started laughin! Chris had no idea that I had known Karrueche since elementary. I was a year older than her but I of course hung with Seiko… and Karrueche was apart of her crew! WHAT A SMALL WORLD! And it had just got smaller cause…

“Um yea…That’s my girlfriend.” Rueche said laughin.

“What?” Chris said even more confused as we both laughed.

“Oh my God…Is this the Kae you been talkin about?” I finally asked him.

“Yea…What the fuck is goin on right now Sweets?” He said sittin back and blushin.

Me and Rueche laughed harder as he sat there confused and uncomfortable. I knew I had to tell him the truth.

“Sweets?….You call her Sweets?” Rueche said into the camera. “Where’d he go?”

“I’m right here….What the fuck…Yea!” He said runnin his hands down his face.

“Oh my God…And he been callin you Kae all this time…He never said Karrueche!” I said pokin him in his side to try and lighten his mood.

“He been talkin bout his Bestfriend Sweets and I only know you as Honey or Helena like what are the chances!”

“Bestfriend Huh?” I said lookin over at him.

WOW

“Hey…it’s the truth.” He said shruggin his shoulders as I could see his mind turnin.

“Well I hope he didn’t say I was a crazy!” I said bumpin him as he still was uncomfortable.

“Nooo…He said you guys were bestfriends and had a long history and that he loved you very very much…I actually thought he as lyin!” She said laughin. “ I thought you were a girlfriend.”

“You thought I was lyin?” He said sittin up.

“I mean come on you know that would be hard for anybody to believe…Everybody knows who“Chris Brown’s friends” are!” I interjected.

“EXACTLY!” Rueche said laughin again.

“Oh my god this is wild…But wait hol’up you said she was your girlfriend? Ya’ll fucked around?” He said bluntly and looked back and forth at us.

UH YEA!

“You wanna tell’em?” She asked raising her eyebrow.

“Uh yeah….See remember when I told you bout me and Seiko aloooong time ago.” I started.

“She was the first girl I was ever with….SHE POPPED A NIGGA’S CHERRY!” Rueche blurted out laughin even harder.

DAMN…OK…YEA!

Chris’s mouth dropped. I never told him who the other girl was that me and Seiko had that threesome with and well to me it wasn’t important at the time!

But there’s more…

“Yea and remember the girl I told you I was seein a few months back and we broke up and I told you I loved her?” I asked him as he tried to take it all in.

“Noooo.” He said coverin his mouth.

“Awww” Rueche said into the camera. “I love you too.”

Yea shit happens…

“Oh my fuckin God…Sweets how in the hell does this shit keep happenin?” He said lookin over at me with his hand still over his mouth.

YOU TELL ME!

“We got good taste I guess!” I said laughin.

Truthfully it didn’t bother me this time cause it was totally a coincidence unlike DRAYA AND DEANNA….He couldn’t have known. Plus he said he hadn’t done anythin with her so there was nothin I could be mad about…SHIT HAPPENS!

“So wait…You guys ever?” Rueche finally asked.

“He is the B. I told you about.” I confessed to her finally.

I watched her as she sat up on her bed in shock. I knew she knew then what and who he was to me. I had told her all about Our past…Our love…Cheyanne…Me workin with him for years…Our deep connection…I just never told her his real name. She knew Chris was the one who had my HEART and I HAD HIS.

“Oh my god.” She said quietly and covered her mouth.

I could tell I had delivered some obvious GAME CHANGIN news…Because they both sat there almost lost in there thoughts. Now I wanted to know what the hell was goin on!

I MEAN YA’LL NOT FUCKIN…RIGHT?

“Why ya’ll quiet…What ya’ll fucked already or somethin?” I said now lookin back and forth between them and laughin nervously.

“Aye look I’mma let ya’ll talk…I gotta…I gotta go.” She said nervously.

HOLD UP!

“Wait…Why you gotta go…Chris what’s up?” I asked him just then she disconnected the Skype.

“Shiiiiit!” Chris finally said and got up out the bed.

I was confused now.

“What the hell is up? I thought you said you hadn’t done anythin with her and you were just gettin to know her?” I fired at him.

I saw him run his hands over his face again. And then look at me and put his head down.

YOU LIED

“Chris…What the hell?” I finally said gettin out the bed.

“Man I WAS gettin to know her….But we…have got it in quite a few times…How was I supposed to know that she was the one you told me about!” He said frustrated.

OH WOW

“But we been fuckin around since August!” I fired.

“I Know…But.” He stopped.

“You said we were gonna be straight up with each other! That’s the only reason I wasn’t trippin about you talkin to her.” I said pushin past him and walkin down the hallway as he followed.

“All this shit is crazy ok! I didn’t know…” I he pleaded.

“But you didn’t say you were fuckin her either!” I said goin in my room and closin my Mac. “You just always gotta have your cake and eat it too!”

TIRED OF THIS!

It wasn’t so much as the fact that it was Karrueche…Although that did irk me now cause I did have feelins for her…But it was the fact that we were supposed to be bein honest about everythin…Yes we were seein other people but WE WERE SUPPOSED TO TELL EACH OTHER BEFORE WE SLEPT WITH ANYBODY ELSE! So we didn’t complicate things by continin to sleep each other! I know…I know…It was just a mess…I knew I shouldn’t have agreed…But it was workin out fine til NOW!

 FUUUCK!

“Sweets what are you doin?” He said as I grabbed my suitcase out the closet.

“Chris look…We said we would end it when we slept with someone else…So this is it…It was cool while it lasted…And Rueche…She is a cool chick…You have my blessin…and Im out!” I said suddenly havin a queasy feelin in my stomach.

“But Sweets wait…It aint even serious with me and her yet…I told you I’m still gettin to know her!” He tried to explain.

I THINK YOU KNOW HER DAMN WELL NOW!

“Well you can finish…I’m not even mad I just am honerin what we agreed on…No complications remember!” I said grabbin my backpack, keys and rollin my suitcase past him out the door.

“So you just gonna leave me?” He asked as I got to the hallway.

“Im not leavin you…We just cant-“ I stopped cause I suddenly felt like everythin I had ate was about to come up.

EWWW

“You ok?” He asked concerned.

I took a minute and tried to calm the feelin down…I knew all of this was stressin me the fuck out! After the feelin past. I turned and kept walkin down the stairs.

“Sweets…It ain’t gotta be like this…” He said still followin after me as I got to my Benz.

I opened my door and threw my stuff inside…I took one long look at him and saw the fear in his eyes. He knew this was my last try…We tried it…It was fun…But it was now over.

“Goodbye Chris.”

 

Time to see what life had for me…

“When it’s all said and done…I’mma make you number one…”

(Sweets POV)

 

Chris’s break up with Jasmine was pretty embarassin for him. I mean as much as he did deserve to have a taste of his own medicine…What I really hoped most was that he learned from it!  Hoped that he would take his time before he rushed into relationship after relationship! And even though he had told me he didn’t love her yet…He was definitely startin to fall and I could tell that that is what made him feel embarrassed the most. Even tho I wanted to find her and FUCK HER UP…I realized this wasn’t my battle…It was time for me to let him handle this on his own. He was already bein hounded about it…Everyone was wonderin how he let Rob Kardashian of all people steal his girl. What they didn’t understand was when someone is in it for ulterior motives nobody can STEAL anythin…She got what she wanted which was EXPOSURE…DICK and then MOVED ON TO ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY! Just that simple! Of course she continued to call him and want to talk things out but Chris was pretty adamant that he was over them bein in a relationship…EVER AGAIN! Hell he even unfollowed her on twitter!

OOPS!

I kept my opinions on the whole situation to myself because well I didn’t know much about what had went on between them…Hell they only made it to 2 months! So I didn’t even have time to feel the girl out! I just chalked it up to her bein young! I could tell Chris was grateful that I didn’t throw it up in his face…And there really wasn’t a need to THE WORLD WAS DOIN IT ALREADY! I really did hate that every little thing that happened to him had to be EXPOSED to the world. But that is the life he chose…And the reason I fought hard to keep what we had in the past PRIVATE!

THE PRICE OF FAME

I had finished up the tracks that I had co-wrote with Ester a month ago and we had to wait to see if they were goin to be accept by Rob and her label. I had felt uneasy with the thought of my thoughts comin out of her mouth…But after talkin to Kev about it some more he said to think of it as me writin a play and she just happens to be the one actin out MY STORY! I really loved the insight he had…He said that’s how he handles writin for Chris…Even though Chris writes most of his own parts…Some of the songs are his words and Chris is actin them out. I was definitely intrigued on which ones exactly he wrote…Especially after him lettin me know that he writes about ME! Since the night in the studio we haven’t even spoke about it…I could tell that was the type of person he was…If it wasn’t somethin he could change or act on at the moment he would move on…No pressure. I loved it! We had become really close though….Hangin out more workin on he new mixtape with Seven. It was weird havin to oversee his project as well as make sure him, Seven and now Joelle were gettin adjusted to regualer studio life. It helped that Tina and Chris were really hands on with teachin me what I needed to do as far as artist development…It was DRAININ but excitin and I love a CHALLENGE!

 I had set them all up in my condos…Well Joelle and Seven shared one and I set Kev up with a two bedroom because he had just welcomed Jenesis Mccall to the world! I fell in love with her instantly! I would joke with him and tell him to go get My BABY! He would have the biggest smile on his face and sure enough would bring her to the studio so I could hold her for hours! I knew he appreciated the help and I also noticed I was only one of the FEW people he would let hold her! When we would take her out places people would compliment us…I would try and tell them that she wasn’t mine but most of the time Kev would just say thank you and wink at me.

WOW

I would find myself gazin at her small body and wonder what could have been of Cheyanne. She would have just turned 5…Ready to start school. Could you imagine the headlines! CHRIS BROWN’S DAUGHTER STARTS HER FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! It would have been CRAZY! I often thought of how different a person Chris would have been….How different his path would have turned out…How different OUR lives would have been. But like he told me years ago…Everythin happens for a reason and it’s not our place to question it. I can’t help it sometimes though…I still wondered. I would see Chris watch me with Jeni and it was the first time I saw a mixture of sadness and hurt in his eyes. I knew he loved kids and it seemed like everyone around him had one. Hell even Shad just got the results to his paternity and YES HE WAS A DADDY NOW! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! I also told him to make sure he had an extra car seat for me cause when he was in town HE HAD TO BRING ME MY OTHER BABY! HA! Chris was always so good with all the kids…He would just light up from their innocence…But somethin told me he yearned now for the one WE would have had….Together.

 Everythin was changin…We were all changin…Growin and goin on our on paths. I had started meditatin and gettin into yoga. I tried it out with my bestie Tae and Xena a few times and it was really helpin me. Especially my anger and impatience! Chris thought it was neat but he refused to do it with me! He said that he didn’t want to be doin nothin that could make him bend to smell his own butt! HAHA! Just crazy!

NEW THINGS

At the beginnin of July I had started seein an old female friend of mine from back in the day. We used to have so much fun runnin around and gettin into shit with her and her crew! I always thought she was the sweetest! It wasn’t til right before I met Chris that I even found out she was Bi! But we were young and just experimented…Nothin came of it and we lost touch til I ran into her while I shoppin for Chris’s outfit for the BET Awards. I was so happy to see her again…She said she was a hostess now and was tryin to get into fashion. I was too excited because we had so much in common now! So when she let it be known that she wanted to spark things up with me I was feelin it! I just had one rule for myself…IM NOT INTRODUCIN HER TO CHRIS! Hell I wasn’t goin down the same road I went down with Draya and Deanna…Uh Uh! I didn’t even tell her Chris’s real name…I mean there was no need. The only draw back to the whole situation…She had a MAN! SHIT! I wasn’t sure how I felt about it at first cause well I liked her and dug what we were doin but…I wasn’t cool with the sharin thing again. I mean I REALLY REALLY was startin to fall for her… So by the beginnin of August I called it off…She seemed pretty down and so was I but I wasn’t puttin myself back in that situation…NOT EVEN IF SHE WAS BAD! It sucked cause it seemed I couldn’t get this datin thing right NO MATTER WHICH SIDE I CHOSE!

BACK TO REALITY

When Mommi called me and told me she was sick I really didn’t think much of it. She told me she had this naggin cold that wouldn’t go away so I told her to take her medicine and get some rest…I mean she was always on the go so I knew her body must have been tired.  I also knew she had had some health issues but nothin ever too serious. She just needed to slow down! I was in the studio at the time when I got the call from Bette. I knew somethin was wrong cause I could barely understand her….She was cryin. When I realized that I immediately walked away from Mijo and Chris in mid conversation and went to the hallway to hear her better.

When she let those two words come out her mouth my world STOPPED. I couldn’t register them….It sounded like gibberish….There was no way she was sayin to me what I heard.

“She’s gone.”

My heart started poundin and I felt myself begin to sweat….I felt like I had a ton of bricks on my chest…The last person left in my life to make me whole…Was gone. I didn’t even know when I started but I let out a scream that felt like it came from the depths of my soul. I couldn’t stop…I screamed and screamed until I felt arms wrap around me. I couldn’t think ALL I COULD DO WAS SCREAM!

“Sweets what the hell is goin on?” I heard Chris say as Mijo picked my phone up off the ground.

“NOOOOO NOOOOO NOOOOO!” I continued to scream as he tried to hold on to me.

“SWEETS WHAT IS IT? TELL ME!” He said now tryin to block my swings as I began to fight.

“SHE CAN’T GO! NOOOOO….I DON’T HAVE NOBODY! SHE CAN’T BE GONE!” I yelled as I heard Mijo talkin on my phone.

“Oh my god…” I heard Mijo say quietly.

“WHAT?” I heard Chris say as he tried to bear hug me as Pat, Seven and Kevin ran over.

“She…Fuck man…Mommi gone man.” I heard Mijo say with pain in his voice and everbody gasped.

“NOOOO SHE NOT…YOUR LYIN! SHE’S OK….SHE JUST HAD TO REST!” I finally screamed as me and Chris collapsed to the floor.

“No..This….Shhh…Baby shhhh.” I heard Chris barely get out as he began to rock me.

“Nooooo….It’s not right…..This is a…a joke….Chris tell me….Tell me this not real.” I said with tears pourin down my face and my heart achin.

“I’m sorry.” Was all he could get out as Kevin, Seven and Pat stood over us.

I saw Mijo breakdown as Pat tried to hold him up.

I GOT TO GET AWAY!

I finally looked up into Chris eyes full of tears and I couldn’t take it…IT WAS REAL. I pulled away from him and got to my feet…I ran right out the door. I heard everyone callin for me but I kept goin I ran as hard I could…I had no idea where I was goin…My mind was in a fog…My heart felt like it was bleedin…My head was poundin…But at that moment I didn’t care….I just kept runnin. When I finally felt like I was gonna collapse I had reached a park and slowed down just then I felt arms wrap around me and we fell to the ground. I began kickin and screamin and then I heard Chris’s voice tellin me to stop. I was so distraught I couldn’t bring myself to do it. So he just held on to me tighter then I felt another pair of strong arms pick me up. When I finally stopped fightin I realized it was Pat. I don’t know if it was the lovin look in his eyes or me feelin like I couldn’t fight no more but I relaxed in his arms and cried hard as he carried me to the Escalade.

 I wanted to die…

The one person in the world that I knew I couldn’t live without was now gone…I was in a daze as me, Chris, Mijo, Pat and Tina all flew to Atlanta so that I could make the arrangements. I couldn’t focus on anythin. When we arrived I felt like the walkin dead…I couldn’t do anythin but cry so my Aunt, Bette and Chris had Tina took over. I couldn’t begin to describe the feelin if I tried…The hole in my heart was so big I felt that nothin could ever fill it again. I layed in my bed for two days….I couldn’t sleep….I couldn’t eat…I couldn’t do nothin but cry as Chris held me. I had no idea she had been sufferin from Lupus for two years….Why didn’t she tell me…

NEVER CAN SAY GOODBYE

By the day of the funeral I was still in shambles… But I had finally mustered enough strength to finally shower and try to get dressed as Chris and Randa helped me. I sat there in the front pew starin at her coffin…Motionless. I was aware of everyone around me….all the hugs and the condolences…Even Chris and Mama J holdin my hands the entire time and never leavin my side. But I was not there. After the actual burial and the gatherin at my house…I didn’t want to do anythin but lay in my bed holdin her favorite pendant from my Granmema. It hurt more cause she was too sick to fly from Trinidad to ATL. As the silence surrounded me…It all sank in…I was now an ORPHAN. No more calls…No more laughs…No more dirty jokes…No more conversations about grandbabies and marryin Chris. Everythin as I knew it was NO MORE.

How do I go on…

 The next mornin I was awaken by a heated conversation that was goin on between Chris and Tina downstairs. I couldn’t make out what was bein said so I finally drug myself out of bed and slowly crept down the stairs. When I finally got down there Mama J, Tina and Chris were goin back and forth in the livin room.

“Chris you have to go…It’s your obligation!” Tina shot at him pleadingly.

“NO THIS IS MY OBLIGATION! IF YOU OR ANYBODY ELSE CAN’T UNDERSTAND THAT THEN FUCK EVERYBODY!” He yelled back throwin his hands in the air.

What?

“CHRIS! You got to calm down…She is just sayin you can fly out to the premiere and then you can come right back…You’ll back by tomorrow mornin.” I saw Mama try and reason with him. “I’ll stay here with her…She will be ok baby.”

“Nah Momma…I told ya’ll I ain’t leavin her….not like this…I don’t give damn about that premiere right now…All I care about is makin sure Sweets is ok…I’m all she got lef-“ He stopped as I heard his voice crack and then he cleared it. “I ain’t goin…Period.”

Go…

I slowly walked into the livin room and before Tina could respond they all looked over at me. I was so numb inside that when I spoke I didn’t even recognize my own voice.

“You gotto go.” I said dryly as I watched him walk over to me.

“Baby I ain’t leavin you…Fuck that.” He said grabbin a hold of my hands.

“Chris…You can’t afford to blow it off…You have to go.” I said numbly.

“No.” He said clenchin his jaw and shakin his head.

I looked over at Mama who had her hand over her mouth and I could tell was gettin emotional cause she was turnin red…Then I looked at Tina who looked torn by havin to enforce this decision at a time like this. I looked back up and Chris hadn’t takin his eyes off me but he was now holdin my hands tighter.

He had to go…For Mommi

“Then I’ll go with you.” I said without emotion.

“Baby you need to rest.” He said firmly.

“No…Mommi waited 2 years to see you in this movie and we are all goin to watch it together…I’m goin with you.” I confessed tryin to hold back the pain that was seepin to the surface. “She wanted to see you dressed to the nines by m…me…So we are goin.”

“Sweets.” He began to protest but stopped as we heard Mama sniff.

“You got me?” I finally asked feelin my voice shake harder.

“I g-got you.” He said as his lips began to shake.

 

“Den les ride Bebeh.” I heard Mommi say to him.

 

“Den les ride Bebeh.” I said as her voice came through mine and I reached up and cupped his face.

I saw him close his eyes tight and squeeze my hand. He lowered his head that was now full of curls. He blew out a deep sigh and answered as they would end their conversations.

“To de stars an back.” He said finally openin his eyes droppin tears.

He was her pick…The one she trusted me with…No one could ever compare…She wanted him to soar to the stars…She wanted him at peace and that’s what I was gonna make sure of…

“Take care of mi Bebeh, Chris.”

“Always, Mommi, Always.”

 

To de stars an back…

“Lady come here girl…I don’’t wanna share this with nobody…Your amazing…The perfect picture…”

(Chris POV)

 

I knew I had messed up. I honestly wasn’t expectin shit to go down between us…So I was gonna tell her about the party and me & Jas.  But it just got so heated so quick I only had a split second to decide…And well when it comes to Sweets not goin into FUCK WHOEVER IM WITH mode is damn near IMMPOSIBLE! I mean I was fightin myself and in my mind screamin DON’T DO IT SHE’S GONNA BE PISSED but…My heart said ARE YOU CRAZY? YOU LOVE THIS WOMAN! So I decided to listen to my heart and at least make her feel good….WITHOUT THE SEX! I know…Still blew up in my face but I thought she would at least not be as mad cause we didn’t ACTUALLY go through with it! I honestly knew I didn’t have any business comin over mad as I was about her and Trey but I guess the same way I felt about bein blindsided… She had every right…Right then to be just as upset with me…Damn.

I AINT GOIN NOWHERE

I sat on her couch and waited…I knew she would probably think I left but nah…Uh Uh…I had to explain this shit…The old me woulda just said FUCK IT I’M OUT but not this time…I mean I had literally just got with Jas two days ago and I wasn’t sure if it was actually worth it! Don’t get me wrong when we finally got down… THE GOOD GIRL SHIT WENT OUT THE WINDOW! But that is what had me hesitant…I felt like if she could hide that side that damn well then what else was she hidin? There was still so much I DIDN’T know about her and she was definitely guarded. I was used to whoever I was with to feel comfortable enough to open up to me but it was like she was maze and I kept hittin walls! On the outside lookin in she was PERFECT. Beautiful…Smart…Focused..Sassy…Fun. Could hang with my crew. So far only showed me slight drama…And A FREAK! Hell even TEAM BREEZY was feelin her! AND THAT’S HARD AS HELL! So why did I feel like she wasn’t the ONE? Like the shit was just not REAL! I wasn’t blind to the fact that bein with me was addin to her exposure…but deep down I was hopin that wasn’t the reason she wanted to be with me. I had already went down that road and learned my lesson! I guess I was just still wantin somebody like Sweets who no matter how much we been through they saw me for me…Loved me for me…Not what my name could offer them.

HERE GOES NOTHIN

I stood up when she came half way down the stairs on the phone rantin after a WHOLE HOUR and stopped dead in her tracks. The look on her face was one of pure shock! She had showered and changed cause her hair was now curly and up in a bun plus she had on the MJ tee I had got her awhile ago….Short shorts and 3’s…DAMN! I had to focus tho.

“Let me…Let me call you back…girl…” She trailed off and hung up on whoever.“What are you…” She said starin at me like she seen a ghost.

“Still doin here?…Well I let you be alone…You said go away you didn’t say get out.” I said bein technical and soundin like well a STALKER.

DON’T JUDGE ME!

“Oh my God….” She said slowly walkin down the stairs still in disbelief. “Chris it’s been an hour…You been down here the whole time!”

“Mm Hm.” I said noddin.

“You…Wow.” She said shakin her head and walkin over to the livin room.

“I wanted to talk to you about all this…I didn’t want you to think I had played you.” I began.

“Well that’s exactly how it seems to me…I mean you came over here to regulate me about Trey…We get down and the whole time your with Jasmine…” She said floppin down on the couch.

Damn…

“I didn’t…Ok like I said I know I was wrong for that…But I was gonna tell you I just didn’t expect us to do what we did…That’s why I stopped…” I said sittin on the couch across from her.

“Chris…This just has to stop….I mean its like a vicious cycle…Every time I think we could be back on track here you come with a new chick…Why is it so hard for you to just stay single?” She said lookin up at me.

Man…

I knew she had been wantin to know that answer for a long time and truthfully I had to ask myself that. And honestly it was partially cause I didn’t like bein alone and partially cause she had turned me down SO MANY times I didn’t think we would ever get back together…So I had to move on!

“Truth.” I said sighin.

“Truth.” She said searchin my eyes.

“I like  bein in a relationship…Yea I can get bitch after bitch…Three or four to toss up in a night but at the end of the day I only want one woman…Somebody I can call “My Girl”…Somebody I can trust…That loves me for me..” I said pausin cautiously as she listened.

“Not gonna lie I have been searchin for what we had and honestly I can’t find that shit so I just…Settle til maybe one day you say Ok Chris I want you in my world again…Forever.” I finally confessed.

There…

She sat there takin in everythin I had said. I expected her not to believe me but she just nodded her head and agreed.

Wow.

“I knew all along…Just wanted to know if you realized it…Chris nobody will ever be me…Just like nobody will ever be you…What it comes down to is we have to decide…Decide whether we are better in a relationship or as friends.” She said directly

“You know my answer tho.” I interjected.

“But truthfully what I need from you…Complete faithfulness…You can’t give me cause your surrounded by temptation everywhere.” She said sittin back.

DAMMIT!

“You can’t keep thinkin I will repeat history…Just cause I did it before doesn’t mean I haven’t learned my lesson….I can do it….Just admit you just don’t trust me no more.” I said scootin up and waitin for her answer.

“Chris…” She started then stopped and looked away.

“Wow…Well I can’t do nothin but take that…Just good to know finally.” I said ready to GET AWAY! So I stood up.

“Trust is hard for me and you know that…I gave all of mine to you…You promised me so much and you…Broke every last one…How am I supposed to give it to you again without bein afraid?” She said with a shaky voice.

“Guess you’ll never know cause you wont take that chance.” I said bluntly and walked to the door and but turned around. “By the way me and Jas just got together and no I don’t love her.” I said knowin her thoughts.

She finally looked over at me as if she couldn’t believe I was readin her mind…Yea I still do that…Just try not to tell her.

“And yes I still love you nothin gonna change that…But I love you enough to let you fly…We’ll come back around…That I know.” I said turnin around and walkin out.

ON SOME NEW SHIT

A month later things were lookin pretty good as far as my music goes. Dueces and No BS were gettin crazy airplay across the country and the videos stayed on 106 and Park and other video outlets…All thanks to TEAM BREEZY! I couldn’t thank them enough if it hadn’t been for them fight for me and believin in me I couldn’t have made it through last year and half! They were AMAZIN! I had begun recordin for my next album which I decided to name F.A.M.E. I  decided on that name after I finished a tatt I had sketchin out awhile  ago…It stood for Forgivin All My Enemies…I also wanted TEAM BREEZY to have a special connection to it so I decided it all meant Fans Are My Everythin…Cause without them I wouldn’t be here right now! It seemed like I had recorded over 30 songs already… I knew I could only have a certain number for my album so I was think of makin another mixtape…Hell TEAM BREEZY wanted it so I had to deliver! Other than recordin…I was doin club appearances which paid good money…I was pretty happy on where things were headed!

I was also happy that K-Mac was finally gettin the exposure he needed…Seemed like everywhere I went he was asked about like “Who the nigga you got on the track with you and Tyga?” So we started to speed up his first mixtape called UNINVITED GUEST….I didn’t want to be all over it cause I wanted this to be his chance to showcase what he could do… But Mostly I was ready to help him shine! CBE TAKEOVER! After our talk I decided to back up off Sweets and mainly focus on recordin…But even with that she had told me about a girl she seen on Youtube and that I should check her out…I watched all of her videos and she was AMAZIN! Just raw and soulful….What blew my mind was she was this 19 year old white girl with the voice of a straight up gospel singer! Her name was Joelle James and she was in college in Boston. I knew immediately I wanted to sign her. I had Sweets get me her information and I called her personally…I did that cause Sweets let me know that she was also TEAM BREEZY and stayed goin hard for me! So that just made the whole scenario even more special! When I called her she didn’t believe it was me…It was too funny…I tried to convince her… But she didn’t believe me til I sung a little of NO BS …It was then she started to scream and cry! I finally got her to calm down and told her I wanted to fly her out to LA so I could meet her in person. Two weeks later I welcomed Joelle to CBE…I now had three artist! Mijo and Tey had put a group together awhile back called U.G.L.Y…Tey decided she wanted to do her own solo thing so we were tryin to find another lead singer. Jas suggested her model friend named Stormi…Jas said she was leavin her modelin career to take music serious. Only thing was she was in NY. Me, Jas and Mijo finally convinced her to come and hang out with us for my 4^th of July pool party. She had a beautiful voice and was gorgeous…the next week she told me she wanted to relocate…I told her the door was always open! So there you have it CBE is on the RISE!

ALL THAT GLITTERS AINT GOLD

It was the middle of July and I was hard at work recordin for FAME…Things  with me and Jas were well touch and go…I mean she would be cool to hang with then have a straight attitude if Sweets or any other girls beside Tey or Seven were around me…I mean I wasn’t doin anything with Sweets! Besides Sweets had told me she was talkin to some chick now. Which I wasn’t trippin but what bugged me about it was she would never introduce us…I mean I knew that she felt like every girl she liked always ended up feelin me except for Seiko but I wasn’t gonna let that happen again! I mean she wouldn’t even tell me her real name! DAMN AM I THAT BAD? All she would tell me was she was an old friend they reconnected and she had always dug her…I knew it wasn’t Seiko so I figured she must not be somebody she too serious about. SHE KNOW SHE STILL LOVE DICK! HA! Back to Jas…Now I also had picked up on her inconsistent stories and excuses for why I couldn’t get a hold of her sometimes….I mean I wasn’t sweatin it at first cause she was a busy girl and it was Fashion Week season! But after the first 3 weeks some of the excuses started to sound like STRAIGHT UP LIES! I guess it was irkin me cause I was actually bein faithful and it seemed like she was PLAYIN A NIGGA! She would try and smooth it over by putting it DOWN on a nigga but I was on to the games! I really didn’t want to go runnin to Sweets with my problems so when she called me and told me she wanted me to come hang out and write at her new beach house I was definitely shocked! I had decided on the drive over there I wasn’t gonna talk about Jas and me…It was gonna just be a chill time…with my FRIEND.

When I pulled up I was thrown off cause Tey’s car was there and Sweets never said anything about her bein there. When I got to the door she opened it and gave me a long hug. But wasn’t like “I’m so happy to see you” hug it was a “I hope your ok.” hug….Which immediately set off alarms in my head! When I walked on into the house Not only was Tey there but so was Xena, Mijo and Bow! WHAT THE FUCK? IS THIS AN INTERVENTION? I slowly walked in and looked at Sweets and I could tell she knew somethin cause wouldn’t really look at me but was not happy at all.

WHAT THE FUCK?

“Hey Bro.” Tey finally said as she was holdin her Mac.

“What up…Fuck all ya’ll doin here?” I said walkin over to the couch and sittin down.

“Told ya’ll niggas he didn’t know.” Mijo said flippin through the channels on the TV.

“Know what?” I finally said lookin around the room and stoppin at Sweets who was extra quiet but I could tell was irked.

“Damn my nigga you aint been on twitter today?” Bow finally said rubbin his head.

“Nah been workin on this track with Kev damn near all night…Why what’s up?” I said pullin out my phone.

“When’s the last time you talked to yo bitch?” Mijo said bluntly raising his eyebrow.

“Last Night…Why?” I said now know it had to do with Jas.

“Well…Where did she say she was at?” Tey fired obviously pissed.

WHAT IS UP???

“Damn Ya’ll…What the fuck is goin on?” I said laughin lightly tryin to keep myself from gettin pissed.

“Didn’t you tell me she told you she was in Miami for fashion week?” Sweets finally spoke with venom in her voice.

DAMN!

“Yea…Man come the fuck on just tell me what is up!” I finally said gettin frustrated with not knowin.

“Shit I’ll show ‘em cause I heard about that bitch! Here!” Xena said walkin over to me and handin me her Mac.

I looked at her confused then grabbin it out her hand. I looked at the story and the fuckin headline said JASMINE SANDERS AND ROB KARDASHIAN SPOTTED TOGETHER IN LAS VEGAS YESTURDAY!  I scrolled down and sure as shit there was pics of them hugged up in the hot tub with Khloe and Lamar! THIS LYIN ASS BITCH! I immediately picked my phone back up scrolled through it and hit dial….I got up and walked out Sweets patio door waitin on her to answer.

 OH SHE GETTIN CUSSED THE FUCK OUT!

“Hey babe.” She said in a cheery tone with people talkin in the background.

“Hey Babe…So you enjoyin yourself?” I asked in a forced happy tone lettin her hang herself.

“Yea…Everythin has been so crazy since yesturday…Hair and make up…Wardrobe changes…Just constant goin!” She LIED.

HUNG YASELF BITCH!

“Word…So when did your flight get into Miami from Vegas?” I dropped the bomb on her.

SILENCE

“Hello?” I said tryin to control the flames in my stomach.

“I uh…What are you talkin about?” She tried to play stupid.

“You know what the fuck I’m talkin bout…You bein in Vegas with Rob Kardashian!” I fired.

“What…” She said soundin like she was movin around and then the background noise stopped. “WHAT THE HELL?” She finally yelled.

DON’T TRY IT!

“YOU TELL ME…ALL I SEE IS PICS OF MY LYIN ASS BITCH OF A SUPPOSED GIRLFRIEND ALL HUGGED UP WITH THE HOMIE!” I yelled back.

“LYIN ASS BITCH? WHO YOU CALLIN A BITCH?” She yelled back.

“UH APPARENTLY YOU! YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK YOU JAS I KNEW YOU ASS WAS A HOE! YOU HAVE YOU A NICE TIME TRYIN KEEP UP WITH KARDASHIANS BIIIITCH!” I emphasized hangin up and wantin to toss my damn phone!

I was PISSED! How did she think she was gonna play me like that IN PUBLIC and think that she wasn’t gonna be all over the blogs! I FELT LIKE A DAMN FOOL! I knew I shoulda trusted my gut and not fucked with her…I knew she was SNEAKY AS FUCK! And now it was all OUT THERE FOR EVERBODY TO SEE! AINT THIS BOUT A BITCH! When I turned around Sweets and Tey were standin behind me. I took one look at them and I could tell they wanted to catch a flight and GO BEAT HER ASS! I saw Tey on her phone typin somethin crazy then turned and went inside. I heard everybody inside start laughin so I walked past Sweets and went back inside. Truthfully I couldn’t look at her cause well I WAS EMBARASSED AS HELL! When I got inside they were all on the computers and laughin.

“Fuck ya’ll doin?” I finally asked still pissed.

“We puttin this bitch on blast bro!” Tey said then typin some more on her phone.

“Yea my nigga…I knew her ass seemed shady but damn!” Bow said laughin.

“Man fuck that bitch.” I said wavin the shit off tryin  to keep my cool.

“Nah look like he fuckin that bitch!” Bow said makin a joke at the wrong time.

“Nigga didn’t he fuck yo bitch too?” I fired at him lettin him know I wasn’t in the mood for jokes.

“My nigga I aint do it to you…And you know I let Ang go before he got to her.” Bow said still smirkin.

“Don’t leave ya bitch around Rob’s ass they gonna come up missin!” Mijo said laughin.

FUCK YA’LL RIGHT NOW!

“This bitch already subtweetin!” Xena finally said. “I swear that’s some bitch ass shit!”

“Yea I know…But I can subtweet all day long watch this shit!” Tey said. “She a scary hoe…She iont want it!”

AW SHIT!

I let them have their fun while I went in the kitchen. I grab some vodka and poured me a drink …When I looked up Sweets was lookin at me. Shit. I didn’t want to talk to her about this cause I shouldn’t have got with Jas in the first place…And truthfully I didn’t like lookin like a PUNK in front of her.

“Come with me.” She said holdin her hand out and everybody looked at us.

“Man… Sweets I just wanna drink this shit and chill.” I said sternly.

“You can bring it with you…Just come with me.” She said firmly.

Damn…

I reluctantly grab the cup and grabbed her hand. I followed her as she walked past her pool and on to the beach. We got a few yards from the house and I heard HER ringtone go off! I AINT GOT NOTHIN ELSE TO SAY! I saw Sweets look over but kept walkin and holdin my hand tighter. I downed my drink and tossed the cup and my phone went off again. YOU JUST DON’T GET IT DO YOU!! I was getting aggravated cause she called right back I pulled my phone out my pocket and pushed that bitch to voicemail. Sweets let go of my hand and kept walkin. I was irked further cause then SHE text me…I decided that I was gonna get the message to her loud and clear! I’M OVER IT! So I got on my twitter and of course TEAM BREEZY was goin NUTS! Damn…I decided to give her a response.

“ALL THAT GLITTERS AINT GOLD!”

I logged off that bitch and turned my phone off…I was done. When I looked up Sweets had stopped walkin and was lookin at me. Damn. She walked over to me slowly and stopped.

“You cool now.” She said searchin my eyes.

“Truth…No…But I’ll be aight…Lesson learned right?” I said sighin.

“Well just know I got you…And you will be aight…That I know.” She said matter of factly.

Her words meant a lot to me…I mean in this moment she could’ve did everythin from laughin in my face to sayin I  told you so…But she didn’t…She just wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me tight. Damn. Everythin I ever wanted in a woman was standin right here huggin me on this beach. Even when she had the chance she never slaughtered me like the others. Yea we couldn’t seem to get on the same page as far as a relationship but I rather have my BESTFRIEND by my side then any OTHER bitch that CLAIM she love me.

And at that moment I was good.

Fuck A Barbie… 

“If your leavin the club…Shawty hurry up…So we can get this party started…”

(Sweets POV)

When I closed the door to my room I SCREAMED!!AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! This was drivin me crazy! I was tryin my hardest not to just go runnin back to Chris. I mean every single time I did… It went horribly WRONG! Why couldn’t I just be FRIENDS with him and not be ATTRACTED? I mean is that so HARD! Well obviously it is. Why couldn’t he just stay behind the friend line…Turn ugly to me and that be that! I mean I was able to do it with TREY! Me and Trey were actually back to where we were before we got together! I actually enjoyed hangin out with him and he never tries anythin anymore. Well other than still profess that he is in love with me but Psssh!…It’s like old sweet bestfriend Trey was back! Which I thought would never be seen again! He even THINKS BEFORE HE SPEAKS AROUND ME! But Chris…Chris…I just can’t seem to shake that damn pull that I’m startin to hate! It’s like he could brush my hair off my shoulder innocently and BAM! I’m back to wantin him! NO! It had only been a week since he broke up with Draya…I couldn’t just go jump on the dick! Well I could…Cause he’s only four doors down and I know he probably aint got no boxers on and I could just sneak some surprise head up on hi- NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

SUCKS

Now I really couldn’t sleep….I was so mad at myself for not just goin through with it…But I knew that this was the best way for now…DON’T COMPLICATE THINGS WITH SEX! I had been readin this book that would help me work out my issues in relationships and one of the chapters said that rushin into sex would only doom a relationship. Chris didn’t know it but I was now celebate! I wasn’t goin to tell him because I knew he would make it his mission to make sure I WASN’T ANYMORE! I mean I was hopin on down the line we could consider a relationship but right now I had to separate our friendship from lust! SO NO MONSTA FOR ME!

WOOOSAH!

After a whole day of Chris havin an OBVIOUS ATTITUDE about not gettin any…He finally came around. I knew he would corner me again so I made it a point to never be ALONE with him NO MATTER WHAT! No more late night talks…No more late night sessions in his studio…No more “Hey come chill with me”….NOTHIN! I knew he had caught on to me avoidin him…But he never made a big deal. He mostly floated around me respectin my space. Which was actually refreshin….I mean I thought it was gonna be a lot harder to get him to back off….but it’s  like he came to terms with it. After a few days we had to head back to LA to shoot No Bullshit. Now I had already braced myself for it. But when I actually saw the treatments…MY MOUTH DROPPED! IT WAS DAMN NEAR A PORNO! I mean the song was pure sex anyway so addin the visuals too it would have any woman squirmin in her seat! HA!

WOOO SHIT!

I tried hard not to think about the fact that Chris was gonna be damn near fuckin another girl in front of me ALL DAY! I figured I would keep myself busy in the wardrobe trailer so that I wouldn’t have to be on set. After the first 6 hours I was bored as hell…But you couldn’t pay me to go to that set! UH UH…it had been almost a month of NO SEX and I knew once I looked at the LIVE PORNO it was gonna be a wrap! By lunch time I finally worked my way to the kraft table and was happy to see Kevin!

“Hey I didn’t know you was here!” He said givin me the biggest hug and showin his dimples.

DAMN!

“Yea…Yea been in the trailer…You know organizin and  re-organizin.” I said not tryin to look at him.

“Damn it’s been almost 7 hours…Everythin in there probably color coordinated!” He said laughin.

“Sad…But it is.” I said laughin and lookin at him then away.

SHIT!

“Well why don’t you come to the set then? You gotta be bored as hell.” He said grabbin a water and handin me one.

 “Yea I am…But once you seen a freaky video you’ve seen them all…I’m alittle over it.” I said nonchalantly.

“Aww it’s not as bad as you think…Colin makin it tasteful…Well tasteful as it can be.” He said laughin showin his dimple.

“Well I might come out for the dance scenes…He shootin that when it gets dark right?” I said takin in his flawless skin.

MMMM.

“Uh…Yea I think so.” He said lookin at me like he was studyin me.

WHAT?

“Ok…Ok…I’ll come over then.” I said feelin awkward so I picked up my salad.

“Aight see you then…You look gorgeous by the way.” He said winkin and walkin off.

WHOA!

I felt chills run down my back for some damn reason. GET IT TOGETHER HELENA!! There was always a small mutual attraction between me and Kevin…But we both dared not speak on it plus his girlfriend was now his soon to be mother of his child. Chris and Kevin had now got super close…So me even thinkin of gettin with him was like me gettin with Shad! OUT OF THE QUESTION! There somethings that have to be left alone…And he was one of them…even if my BODY didn’t want to! THIS CELEBACY & LOYALTY SHIT SUCKS! Once it got dark I headed over to the set. I sat there for another hour watchin Chris kill his dance routine and let me say it was definitely SEX…I mean SEXY! HA! Once the shoot wrapped…It was time for the afterparty of sorts. I got to the club with Janina and Xena first and was there for an hour when Janina was approached by some of her friends. In the group was this tall, smooth, brown skinned guy that looked sooo familiar. He immediately intrigued me because he was kinda just observin. And once I finished my drink…He finally approached me…

“How you doin.” Sexy said.

“I’m good and you.” I said calmly.

“My name is Sterling and yours.” He said cooly.

“Helena.” I said as he held his hand out to me.

“It’s nice meetin you Helena…So you enjoyin yaself?….Cause it seems kinda eh in here.” He said lookin around.

“Well it’s still early…So it might get better.” I said smilin at him.

“Glad you got such a positive outlook…Cause I was about to bounce…But guess I could stay now that I finally talked to you.” He said smilin back.

BEAUTIFUL SMILE!

“Yea see if you woulda left we wouldn’t be havin this corny ass formal conversation.” I said sarcastiacally and laughin lightly.

“I know right! Bein all proper…So how are your stocks and bonds doin?” He said laughin.

WOW HE CORNY TOO!
“There doin well everythin is in the black.” I said laughin more.

“Wow… Beautiful and can crack corny jokes…You the whole package huh?” He said relaxin even more.

“I’m just me…Aint nothin better than a corny joke!” I said smilin harder.

“You got that right…So uh…Let me get the usuals out… Are you single?….You got a man but not really?…Got a stalker ex that gonna jump out from the bushes if we leave together?…Do you have any kids?…and hows your credit?” He said waitin for my answers.

I LIKE HIM!

 “Well alright…Yes…Kinda Sorta…Probably…Only on the weekends…and I might need some help!” I said saracastically.

“Oh Shit!” He said laughin hard.

We both laughed…I couldn’t help but notice his laugh and dimple…He also had the prettiest brown eyes. He just seemed like a regular guy… Which for me was definitely different! Hmmmm.

 “You like that huh?…Yea I’m quick with it!” I said laughin.

“Wow…That was good! So I’m guessin the only true part is that your single?” He said raising his eyebrow.

YEEEEESSS!!!

“You guessed right.” I said putting my glass on the table.

“Cool…Cool…So am I…No Kids and no damn babymama either!” He said with a slight accent.

HE NOT FROM LA! YEEEEESSS!

“Those are always a plus! So where you from Mr. Sterling?” I asked.

“Oh you caught that…I’m originally from Chicago…Been her for a year for work…You from here…I hear a little southern-eastcoast accent…If that’s even possible!” He said putting his glass down.

AND OBSERVANT! WET!!

“You’re actually dead on….I was born here but grew up mostly in Atlanta and New York.” I said feelin my phone vibrate in my pocketbook.

“Ok…Ok…I can dig that! Cause man these straight LA girls is too Hollywood for me…I need somebody that has actually ate some collord greens and cornbread!” He said laughin .

 I CAN MAKE’EM TOO! HA!

“Oh Hell Yeah! And some grits…Shit now I wanna go home and cook.” I said throwin it out there. WHAT?

“WORD! Don’t play! I’ll be the stalker in the bushes jumpin out for a plate of food like STAY AWAY FROM MY WOMAN!” He said bein goofy and loud!

Damn…He remind of…

I was lovin our chemistry it was so causal…Like I had known him forever…I was also lovin that he wasn’t hittin on me! DAMN! I aint had this type of convo since….

“See nah that will get you shot! You from Chicago…You know you don’t go jumpin out on people!” I said pattin his arm lightly as I laughed.

“You right! But for some real ass soul food…I’ll take that damn bullet!” He said getting closer.

Ooo SHIT!

“You crazy!” I said feelin my phone vibrate again. GO AWAY!

“So Ms. Helena you got a number…I would love to crack some more jokes with you.” He said sweetly.

I was about to answer when his friend came and whispered something in his ear. I watched as his expression changed slightly. WHAT??? He then looked down at me and I could see the slight disappointment in his eyes. WHAAAAT???

“Aye uh…I gotta go but it was nice meetin you…You stay beautiful…Honey…See you around.”

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!

“Whoa…Wait! How you know my name is Honey?” I said feelin a flame in my stomach.

“You the homie Trey’s ex aint you?” Sterling’s homie chimed in.

NIGGA WAS I TALKIN TO YOU!

“So!” I said with an attitude.

“Well…He can’t be fuckin with you…That’s his nigga!” The HATER SAID!

THE FUCK?

“Um…Trey don’t own me…I am single and that was 2 and half years ago!” I fired back.

“Well babygirl…Even if it was 10 years ago he can’t fuck wit it…It’s a loyalty thing…Somethin you have a problem with.” The hater said as Sterling watched it all in shock.

“Fuck you mean by that?” I fired.

WHO ARE YOU?

“You know….Wasn’t you with Chris Brown too?” He smirked.

SHIIIIT!

“And your point?” I said ready to sock his ugly ass in the mouth for tellin my business.

“Whoa…Whoa…You was with the homie Chris too?” Sterling finally spoke up.

THE HOMIE? OH GOD!

“Me and Chris are bestfriends…” I lied.

“Bestfriends that was together off and on forever!” The Hater said as Xena walked over.

“NIGGA WHY YOU ALL IN MY FUCKIN BUSINESS!” I finally yelled.

“Cause you a groupie bitch!” The hater said getting closer.

NIGGA FUCK YOU!

I didn’t even think I just swung! I hit his ass dead in the nose. I swung 3 more times as he tried to lunge for me but Xena and Sterling got in between us…I kept tryin to hit the Hater but connected with Sterling’s head.  OOPS! Sterling got pissed and started pushin THE HATER back.

“NIGGA WHAT THE FUCK YOU BOUT TO DO!” I heard him check The Hater.

“Steelo… Man you iont even know that bitch!” The hater said pushin him back.

WHOA!

“RICO…IF DON’T WANNA GET YA ASS BEAT YOU BETTA GET THE FUCK ON!” He said with his accent gettin thicker.

MMMMM.

“FUCK YOU WANNA DO STEELO!” The Hater said squarin up with Sterling.

Before Sterling could respond…Security came and basically manhandled them both out of the VIP and the club! Damn…I felt bad cause he got kicked out tryin to defend me and I was also irritated cause I DIDN’T GET HIS DAMN NUMBER! DAMN! I was still pissed and buzzin so right now I was a mixture of ANGRY and HORNY! FUCK! I mean he was so perfect…and just had to have a hatin ass homeboy! I was really pissed cause the hater made me look like I was some groupie bitch and that is FAAAAR FROM THE TRUTH! And how he Trey’s friend? I aint never seen or heard of him! I was definitely gonna find out!

“Girl was that nigga tryin to fight you?” Xena asked now with Nina standin next to her.

“I don’t know…All I know is he was hatin like hell to Sterling.” I said feelin my phone again.

“Sterling?” Nina asked.

“Sterling…You know Steelo…The fresh meat from Chicago…work over there at the Fantasy Factory.” Xena blurted out.

Fantasy Factory?

“Oh yeah! Steelo…he is so sweet and fuuunny! “ Nina said laughin.

“He work at the Fantasy Factory?….Like Rob Dyrdek…MTV Fantasy Factory!” I said in shock.

“Yea girl…He been on the show for a minute…Him and Rob are friends.” Xena filled me in.

DAMN!

I was in shock cause I loved that show…never missed an episode…and then it hit me! THAT’S WHY HE LOOKED SO FAMILIAR!

“Oh My God…I knew I seen him some where before!” I said as I looked and saw a crowd comin into the VIP.

“Yes girl…I could tell he was feelin you…Wait.” She said textin on her phone.

I waited as I watched the crowd come closer…and that’s when I saw Mijo. WELP! Guess Chris’s is finally here. I grabbed my pocketbook and pulled my phone out so I could text him and that’s when I saw the 3 texts. I checked them:

B: Gotta tell you something.

I was confused so I check the next one.

B: HELLO!

I looked up as the crowd moved closer but I guess he was blocked by Los and Pat cause I couldn’t see him yet. So I checked the last text.

MIJO: Don’t trip but Chris bringin a bitch. Can’t say I didn’t tell you!

WHAAAAT???

I was about to put my phone back when Xena stopped me.

“Ok here girl…I’mma text you his number.” Xena said sendin the text to me.

“O-Ok..” I said distracted cause I was tryin to see who Chris was with.

I waited for Xena’s text when I got another two. DAMN! I checked the first one:

B: Where you at?

I was about to answer when Xena’s text came in…I saved the number and then checked the second text:

TEY: Girl! Chris brought his lil friend. Don’t get mad. Just letting you know.

WHO THE IS THIS BITCH???

I was now irritated…Cause I wanted to know WHO THIS FRIEND WAS? I mean I KNEW about most of his lil stragler bitch’s so I wanted to see this Bitch for myself!

AND WHY EVERYBODY THINK I’M GONNA TRIP!

“Ok you got it?” Xena said as she looked over at Chris crowd.

“Yea I saved it…Look everybody keep tellin me Chris here with some chick.” I said tyin to see through the crowd.

“What?” Xena said lookin at me irritated.

“Yea…Mijo and Tey just text me tellin me not to trip.”

“It betta not be Draya’s ass cause I told her to leave it alone.” Xena said shakin her head.

See Xena was in the middle when it came to me and Draya….Draya was her friend first and when Draya got with Chris…Xena cussed her out and told her she was DEAD ASS WRONG cause she knew me and Chris’s history and I was supposed to be her friend. I told Xena I was over it…Xena was still cool with Draya but not like they were cause of a situation with her ex that was well…stil not fully resolved. GO FIGURE!

“Let’s go see!” Xena said.

“See you tryin to get her into trouble.” Nina said shakin her head.

“No I’m not…I mean they are still bestfriends…Its only right she meet the new girl of the hour!” Xena said laughin.

Damn…

“I wouldn’t want to…Plus she should be callin Steelo…He’s a good guy…See what that’s about…Let you and Chris be…No sense in diggin up the obviously broke past…He need to grow up!” Nina said puttin her drink down.

WHOA!

Now that caught me offguard cause Nina had always pulled for me and Chris…Guess she felt that he couldn’t be serious right now and was tired of seein me hurt behind him. I couldn’t even fault her.

“Wow! Nina…It’s like dat?”

We all looked up and there was Chris lookin at us with his hand on his heart. Damn…

HOW LONG HE BEEN STANDIN THERE????

“Uh…Uh..” Was all Nina could say blushin.

“It’s cool…I got you…A nigga do need to grow up…” Chris said finally standin next to me.

Damn…

“I just meant…You need to make up your mind is all.” Nina clarified.

“I got you…But a nigga know what he want…Just SOMEBODY don’t want that shit right now…So.” He said as he pointed down at me.

PSSSH! WHATEVER!

“Whatever B…So when am I gonna meet you NEW girlfriend?” I fired at him.

He looked down at me in shock. WHAT YOU THINK I WASN’T GONNA FIND OUT?

“Well you can meet her and she NOT my girlfriend…She just a friend…Showin her a good time.” He said makin a face at me.

MMM HMM

“Well we know all about yo good times….She’ll be butt ass naked by mornin!” Xena said laughin and rollin her eyes.

“Ch…Xena why you always talkin shit to me? I aint never did shit to you?” He said soundin crushed.

“NIgga don’t act like I don’t know ALL sides to these stories…But I let you slide cause you my boo’s love.” She said bumpin me.

“Man…See you act like I’m some dog.” He said lookin down at our empty glasses.

WELL….

“Pssh…Prove to me you aint and I wont say shit!” Xena fired back.

“Oh…I will when ya BOO let me.” He said lookin at me again.

WHAT THE FUCK EVER!!

“Hmmm…Well here is your first test cause here come ya FRIEND!” Xena said noddin to Tey walkin over with a girl behind her.

I was blown the fuck away! I looked up at this tall…Fair skinned…Blonde curly haired…Blue eyed…Model esque…ROBYN LOOK- A -LIKE! I swear my mouth dropped! She was stunning! But she also looked familiar…Not because of the OBVIOUS ROBYN FEATURES! But it was like I knew her from somewhere or someone. When she smiled over at him I could see she was feelin him MORE THAN FRIENDS! It took me a second to stop starin so hard…But all I kept thinkin was REALLY CHRIS? SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE ROB!

“Hey Bro!” Tey said nervously “Heeeey Sis!”

“Hey Tey” I said givin her a hug and still lookin at the girl.

“Hey what up ya’ll.” Chris said camly.

I was an awkward silence with Nina and Xena after the both said hi to Tey. We all looked over at Chris and waited for him to introduce HER!

“So what ya’ll drinkin on…Come over to our area so I can refill them glasses!” He said bein silly.

UH…..

“Shit if you got me…I’m there!” Xena said grabbin my hand.

“You know I do…Bout to pop them bottles!” He said tryin to read me.

I was still shook…But I was readin the girl. She seemed young and I could also see her whole personality change as Chris put his arms around Me and Xena’s shoulders and walked us over to his area.

UH OH!

Once we got over there he made sure to hand us all drinks except HER. I was a little curious about that but I didn’t say anythin. I watched as she mostly talked to Tey or stood quietly by Chris who was mostly talkin to Me, Nina, Xena, Mijo, Keeis and Twon. I was confused! Every now and then they would whisper back and forth but Chris didn’t show too much emotion…Just nodded his head and went back to dancin or talkin to whoever. WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN ON? After about an hour I was feelin it…And decided that well she must NOT be a threat so I paid her no mind. I mean what was I supposed to do? Say HEEEY GIRL LET’S BE FRIENDS! Uh Hell No! Who was I to say I was ever gonna see her ass AGAIN!

“So you done avoidin me?” Chris said in to my ear.

“Avoidin you?” I said leanin in cause the music was loud.

“Yea…Yo ass bein runnin track away from me!” He said obviously tipsy acause he put his arm around my waist.

UH NIGGA! BACK UP!

 “I have not…And you occupied anyway…” I said sippin some more.

“Pssh…I told you she’s just a friend…Plus im always available for you.” He said brushin he lips against my ear.

SEE! Damn…

“You alwa-“

“Chris can we go?” I heard HER say interruptin me in a way I had heard before.

I heard him sigh into my ear and then look over at her. She had the most irritated face and was turnin bright ass red!

 WELP!

“We ain’t even been here long.” Chris said obviously irritated by her interruption.

“Well I got to get up early for my shoot…You said we were gonna go spend time alone.” She said then lookin over at me.

BITCH WHAT?

“Damn Jasmine…We are but everybody havin a good time…Shit just now gettin poppin!” He said doin a dance.

JASMINE…

It took me a minute…But then I realized I recognized that name! She was the girl that text him the night he called it off with me! WOOOOW! I didn’t get upset…Cause well even in person she still seemed harmless to me. She looked at him and was not amused. She then turned to Tey and said somethin to her in her ear and I saw Tey look irriatated too.

“Aye ya’ll we bout to roll.” Tey said to us.

“So you gonna leave.” Chris said to Jasmine dryly.

“Yea…I told you I got work in the mornin…I ain’t got time for partyin.” She said matter of factly to him.

DAMN!

“Aight…Cool I’ll holla at you.” Chris said unphased.

WOW!

“You do that.” She snapped back.

“Aight…I’ll get up with you tomorrow Tey.” He said ignorin Jasmine’s now OBVIOUS attitude.

“Aight Bro…Bye Sis…Bye Ya’ll” Tey said walkin out of our area with Jasmine followin.

HMMMM.

I looked over at Chris who had began dancin to the music as he sipped some more of his drink. HE WAS REALLY NOT FAZED! I laughed to myself a little cause he was definitely cold with it…But hey he said she was just a friend so I guess she was just that. After another hour I had chilled out on the drinkin cause if I didn’t my CELEBACY was gonna go out of the window! Especially the way Chris was now all over me…All the touchin and grindin…Mixed with the liq and occasional neck kisses was sendin my hormones OVER THE EDGE! I had to keep my composure…My strength…It was my only line of defense against this SEXY DRUNK MUTHAFUCKA!

“Sweeets come hoome with mee.” He moaned in my ear as her held me from behind.

STOP THAT!

“B…You drunk…Uh Uh.” I said tryin to leave space between my ass and MONSTA!

“SSSS…So…Let me in.” He moaned lightly lickin my ear and pressin me up against MONSTA!

SHIIIIIIIIT!

Before I could answer NO BULLSHIT started playin! FUUUUUUUCK! This shit is just not fair….Somebody hates me! He began grindin up against my ass and well this was my DAMN SONG and I got into it! And he was DEFINITELY ENJOYIN IT! MONSTA was so rock hard HE coulda ripped his damn pants! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN HELENA??? I screamed at myself but the liq had me and I just kept dancin.

“When ya leavin the cluuub…I want you to come over girl” He sang into my ear.

FUCK!

I swear my whole body was on fire! Just one more time…It won’t hurt anythin…Right? He had me WET! I couldn’t hold out no more…and well I HATED HIM FOR IT! He knew just what to do to get me THERE…and well

“No…B…I gotta go.”

He was gonna earn this shit…

“And I aint sayin that he don’t love you…But I don’t think he love you like I do…”

(Sweets POV)

When Chris’s Range pulled up with Keeis, Aaron, Pat and Mijo and two other guys I didn’t recognize…I finally breathed a sigh of relief. I had been standin in the yard of my now empty condo for 30 minutes hidin behind my old shrubs. I had moved all my stuff out to a new place in the Hollywood hills last week. I knew after Davis and I went at it last weekend and he threw me across the room and I hit the wall that IT WAS TIME TO GO! I had put up wit the yellin…shakin me…and punchin the wall an inch from my head. All because he was suspicious of everythin! And lets’s not even get on how SUPER JEALOUS HE WAS OF CHRIS and TREY! I think he became their number one hater in 3 weeks time! I had never been through no shit like that and if there was one thing I knew that it was gonna get worse. No compromisin…no workin it out…I WAS OUT! It had only been two months and he started showin his possessive and crazy side about 3 weeks ago! He seemed so sweet in the begininn….BUT DON’T THEY ALL!!! I really liked him…and we had a lot in common and well he was the closest dick I had found to Chris! But in the end HE WAS NOT HIM! So I had to get away.

 I knew that he would come straight to my house after we fought in his driveway about me even acknowledgin Chris’s existence. He grabbed me and started shakin the shit out of me but I pulled away and hit him in the face…He grabbed my throat and I dug my fingers in his eyes and grabbed the handle fallin out the car! I jumped up and I seen him comin for me….I had a few brusies and a scraps on my knees where I fell down but I kicked off my flats… grabbed my purse and took off down the street! I ran….I ran so fuckin hard I made it to my place in less than 10 minutes…It was a 20 minute drive. When I collapsed on my yard I couldn’t get Chris out my mind…I was hopin if I reached out he would at least send Mijo. So I text him…and he…he came…Deep with all his goons!

“Where that muthafucka at?” Chris said jumpin out.

“He aint here…let’s go!” I said shakin.

“Where he stay at?” Mijo demanded.

“Ya’ll please can we just go….I just want to go home.” I said exhasusted.

“Home…You at home.” Chris said confused.

“No…I moved out of here a week ago…I got a new place in the hills.” I said lookin cause I saw a car pass.

“You let this muthafucka run you out your shit! What the fuck Sweets!” Chris said rubbin his hands over his face.

“Look I don’t want to argue…Can we please just go.” I pleaded cause I didn’t know how long we had.

“Aight let’s go.” He said goin and openin the passenger side door for me.

I jumped in and we all rode to my new condo. Once we all got inside I felt relaxed. MIjo’s two goon friends were makin themselves at home….And I have to admit they made me nervous. They were all still hype wantin to find Davis…Of course the last thing Chris or Mijo needed so I was definitely not gona tell them no matter how mad they got! Honestly I was tired of them always havin to come to my rescue…and had I had my piece with me…Our fight tonight would have definitely ended differently. I was exhausted and my head was poundin so I knew I needed to go lay down immediately. I saw Chris watchin me while he was on his phone as I walked out of the livin room and upstairs. I hadn’t seen him in person in two months and had only spoken to him maybe a handful of times back in March. He looked sexy as fuck but I wasn’t goin there. I was hurt when I found out they had shot two videos for him and Tyga’s mixtape and didn’t ask me to come style it! So that’s why it shocked me that he even came.

RELAX
I took a shower and stood there lookin at myself in the mirror…I had bruises on my neck and arms…I had scrapes on my knees…but I was good. My head had stopped hurtin so I guess the shower relaxed me. I pulled on a  big t-shirt… some basketball shorts and went back downstairs. When I came down the stairs Mijo’s Goons, Aaron and Keeis were gone. Mijo and Pat had found the food that was in my fridge and were helpin themselves. Chris had his hat tilted up while he was goin through his phone. I have to admit I was shocked as shit by how Draya was tryin to help me at the restaurant…but at the same time after how me and Chris ended I didn’t know if I should trust it. I looked over at him out the side of my eye as I walked into the kitchen…He was readin somethin intensely so I didn’t say anythin.

“Aye Sis these ribs is the shit!” Mijo said smackin.

“Yup!” Pat said smackin as well makin Chris look up at them.

“Well thank you very much.” I said smilin cause I had bbq’d them myself.

“You did this!” Chris finally said grabbin one and eatin it.

“Yes…Why ya’ll actin like ya’ll didn’t know I had bbq skills?” I said laughin a little goin on into the kitchen.

“Shit this givin you a run for your money!” Chris said bumpin Pat and grabbin another one.

DAMN GUESS YA’LL HUNGRY….AGAIN!

“Aye I aint gonna front Sweets these is damn good…You helpin on the grill next time.” Pat said chucklin.

“You got it! I love to bbq just don’t get to do it much.” I said pourin myself a drink and walkin over as they all smacked.

“Well…You gonna make the ribs next time…Sorry Nigga!” Mijo said to Pat.

“I aint mad…I ain’t mad at all.” He laughed.

I shook my head and went and checked my phone. 20 missed calls..10 voicemails…18 texts messages. I sighed and checked them. All 20 calls and 18 text messages were from Davis. THAT WAS IT!! I’M CHANGIN MY NUMBER IN THE MORNIN! I rubbed my temple as I put my phone down. When I looked up Chris was standin next to me.

“He still callin?” He asked softly.

“Yea..” I said lookin over hopin Mijo didn’t hear as I took another sip of my drink.

“You need to get-“

“My number changed…I know…Gonna do it in the mornin.” I interrupted him and walked out to my terrace.

All this was hard for me…I called myself movin on AGAIN and yet where did I end up…Right back with a psycho and Chris comin to my rescue…This shit was startin to get embarassin! I mean I tried bein careful…Even picky this time and when Tey introduced me to Davis he seem so sweet. He was tall, althletic, tatted… Gorgeous eyes and smile…Smooth chocolate skin and dimples! Imma sucker for dimples…If you couldn’t tell. Shit his sex game was on point…and even though he was a bench warmer…I could have got used to the basketball “Wife” status that was already bein shown to me in just two months. But it was also my first time dealin with an older guy other than Trey &Raul…Which were only two years older than me. But Davis was 5 years older and well I think he looked at me as some little girl he could train! UH HELL NO! All in all I knew it wouldn’t last but I had to do somethin to get my mind of this 6’2, Freckled faces, Gorgeous smilin, beautiful eyed, tatted up like a subway in Harlem, Dick and tongue game so good make you wanna slap ya mama, Dimple faced, Monsta havin, Light bright that I just can’t seem to GET AWAY FROM!

Thought I was takin a chance…

“Pretty out here.” He said closin the slidin door.

“Yea it is…Just makes you wanna get lost in the night.” I said sighin and lookin out.

“Iont know the backstory…But I’m glad you safe.” He said now standin next to me lookin out at the skyline.

“Yea…I knew I had to get away…Been plottin on it for two weeks now…And seenin you, Mijo and the crew earlier was my sign…” I said calmly.

“Was he…Hittin you?” He asked like he didn’t want the words to come out.

“Not yet…Just tossed me a few times…Shook me like crazy… bruised me up but…it..it was comin…” I said numbly. I knew he was havin all types of flashbacks. Damn.

He didn’t say anythin he just dropped his head and shuffled back and forth with his hands in his pockets….

IT WASN’T YOU…

“Look don’t be take this shit on…I’m ok now…I’ve been through worse…I’m just happy that you came.” I said rubbin his arm as he looked at me.

He nodded his head and then a small smile crept on his face.

 WHAT?

“God works in mysterious ways.” Was all he said shakin his head and smilin harder.

“Yes he does.” I said smilin at him.

“So how you meet him anyway?” He had to ask.

“Uggh…through Tey.” I said cringin at the thought. “We was at the game and he asked her bout me … well the rest is definitely in my history.”

He clenched his jaw…Guess he was irritated that Tey was tryin to hook me up with guys. But hey…I’m SINGLE REMEMBER!

“That’s cool…Just need to be careful out here…Not every nigga a good dude.” He said starin straight ahead.

WOW

Was he really givin me datin advice??? Is that where we at now? WOW…JUST WOW!

“Oh beeelieve me I know.” I said takin another sip of my drink. THE BUZZ FEEL GOOD!

“So what you doin for your birthday?” He asked changin the subject.

 MY???

I hadn’t really even thought about it…Been havin so much drama I didn’t realize it was in what…2 days…WHOA! It hit me that Chris was about to be 21! I knew he had to do it big!

 “I really don’t know after all this…Somethin chill…Been writin for Keri so probably workin..” I said gettin chills.

 “Yea…Same here…I can’t get a venue…So just gonna be at the studio.” He said soundin defeated.

Damn.

It still irked me that he still was bein shut out of everythin…Even tho he was bein used for publicity left and right…The club scene preffered Rob’s presense over his….Just sucks.

“That’s not cool…” I said tryin to contain my irritation about it all.

“Shit I ain’t trippin…I can do the same shit I would do in the club at the studio…With the people I know really give a fuck about me you know.” He said tryin to save face.

“You right…So how is the mixtape comin along…I heard bout the Holla At Me and G Shit videos…” I said turnin to him.

“Oh yea…it’s gonna be dope…We wrapped on it.” He said nervously.

“So when can I hear it?…Seein as how I didn’t get a call bout the videos.” I said crossin my arms.

“Yea…Bout that…Sorry…It wasn’t no big production just got thrown together real quick.” He said smilin nervously.

“Mmm hmm.” I said rollin my eyes.

“No…Really…It was… I mean…Ok. But I didn’t think you would do it…Hell when the last time I talked to you?” He said adjustin his hat and scratchin his head.

“All you had to do was pick up the phone…I mean we are still business partners right?” I said makin my point.

He sighed. He knew I would be pissed…I mean I was still apart of CBE and even though it was a joint project with Ty…I was over stylin! I should have been called Sir!

“You right and Im sorry for real.” He said lookin at me sincerely.

“Ok…Just don’t let that shit happen again or I’m shuttin down the studio!” I said laughin.

“Shuttin down…You stupid.” He said laughin.

“Hey I got pull…Now go get me some damn cheesecake!” I said bumpin his arm.

“I ain’t gotta do that shit…I’m the boss!” He said laughin.

“Pssh…Whatever I got the most titles so I run shit.” I said

“You got me fucked up…It’s CBE not HBE.” He said makin a face at me.

“HBE sounds pretty good tho…” I said lookin out at the skyline.

“Oh yea…” He said walkin up on me.

“See that’s not what I meant..” I said tryin to control my hormones cause he smelled good as hell.

“But it does sound good…Helena Brown…Never said it out loud before.” He said lookin down at me so close I shivered.

BACK THE HELL UP AND STOP THAT!

“You…You crazy…” I said steppin back and shakin my head.

“What? I know you done that shit before…Aint that what ya’ll do…Put your first name with ya loves last name and shit…Don’t front…Yea you have.” He said laughin. “Be doodlin it with hearts and shit…Don’t lie!”

NIGGA!

“Pssh…The only man I have ever done that shit with was Will Smith and well he ain’t leavin Jada no time soon.” I said laughin.

“See!…But hell nah…Helena Smith…Nah fuck that…It don’t even sound right.” He said soundin offended.

“Don’t be a hater…I was gonna have him all kinds of big eared babies!” I said laughin harder.

CAUSE I WAS! OK NOT IN REALITY! HA!

“Pssh…Like Hell!” He said rollin his eyes.

AWWW

“What I’m only supposed to have freckle face curly haired ones?” I said lookin up at him.

“Pssh…YA DAMN RIGHT WOMAN!” He said turnin back to me bein goofy.

WHAT THE HELL ARE WE TALKIN ABOUT???

“Whatever…I’m goin inside you keep dreamin.” I said walkin back in side laughin.

“Hey…I didn’t say you could leave…I need you barefoot and pregnant woman!” He said followin me laughin.

“Not gonna happen.” I laughed as we walked to the livin room.

I looked at the couch and Pat and Mijo were knocked out! I felt awkward cause well now me and Chris were alone and I didn’t feel comfortable with my strength at the moment.

“So uh…I got a spare room over there.” I said turnin to him.

I could see he looked shocked…I mean I had never made him sleep in the guest bedroom…but I wasn’t tryin to GO THERE…Cause well HE WAS DONE REMEMBER??

“Spare….Pssh stop playin.” He said laughin lightly.

“I’m not.” I said firmly.

“Really?” He said with his voice crackin. GUESS HE SHOCKED!

“Yes..B…I gotta get some rest…There’s some blankets and sheets on the bed.” I said walkin up the stairs as he stood there with his mouth open.

What did he think was gonna happen? I haven’t seen or talk to you in two months…Plus he was still with who…DRAYA!

NO!

“Sweets….Come on…It’s me!” He said still tryin to plead his case.

SO!

“Yea I know its YOU…I’ll see you in the mornin…Goodnight.” I said walkin off to my room.

NOT THIS TIME!

The day of Our birthday I was actually excited…I was now 23…Man I’m gettin old…I had been through so much in my live in the last 8 years….I felt like I was 40! But it was a new chapter…I blank slate for me to write…I was definitely changin and my biggest change was livin for me…I had wasted so many years livin for everyone else…I was ready to see what the maturity of 23 was gonna bring me! Branchin out…Yes I still wanted Chris in my world but we had changed so much that it was time…time for me to see who else life had for me…

TURN UP

Although we had decided that we were gonna be workin for Our birthday…Keri wanted to surprise Chris with a mini party. So we got together with Ty, Trell, Nino, Polow, Kevin, Tina, Seven, Shad, Tey, O, Moe, Mijo, Momma, Mommi, the fam and yes even Draya to plan a little get together for him. I knew he was down about not bein able to have it at a club even tho he was tryin to hide it…So I knew it would lift his spirits! We set the studio up with all of our favorite foods and Me, Momma and Draya made him a cake…Yea go figure! I made sure the studio was stocked with Ace Of Spades and Rose’ so he could do it up right. I got a hold of everybody from Lonny to the CBE crew to Game…They all said they were comin through so it was set! When He walked in he was on the phone and damn near dropped it! He was so shocked that we pulled it off without him even knowin…Which was hard cause he nosey as shit! HAHA! The smile on his face was priceless….

Happy Birthday Baby…

“I can’t believe ya’ll did this.” He said still cheesin and sippin the champagne.

“What you think you was just gonna sit here alone?” I said sippin on mine.

“Well actually I thought so cause everybody I talked to said they had shit to do so…Yea!” He said downin the last of his drink.

WHOA…SLOW DOWN!

“We wasn’t gonna leave you hangin nigga!” Shad said on his third class.

AW SHIT!

“Preciate it man.” He said lookin around at everybody smilin.

“Aye this nigga’s glass empty…Fill that bitch back up!” Shad said loudly.

“Oh My God…” I said laughin.

“You know he bout to turn up.” Chris said laughin with me.

O and Kevin came over with the bottles and O handed Chris one.

“Nigga…Fuck a glass…You take that shit to the head out the bottle!” O said already turnt too.

“Hell Yeah!” Kevin and Shad said

OH GOD HERE WE GO!

I knew this was gonna be interestin to watch…Chris had never got totally fucked up before…He was pretty much a lightweight…Two drinks tops and he was feelin it! So a bottle of Ace! He was gonna be dancin on of the program table! HAHA! Hell he already hyperactive and loud! So I just decided to brace myself!

After about an hour of Polow playin tracks they were workin on…Then Kevin playin the Fan Of A Fan Tracks…It was a full blown party. I noticed that Draya and Chris weren’t interactin much but it wasn’t my place to pry so I didn’t ask. She pretty much sipped on the same glass of champagne…Scrolled through her phone and laptop in the corner to herself. Which was not like her at all! After Momma and Mommi left and we gave Chris his gift and I was given mine….It was time to migrate to Chris’s house. Once we got there…Well thanks to Keeis and Twon….IT TURNED INTO AN ALL OUT FREAK FEST! I hadn’t seen that much ass and titties in so long…My head spun! There was strippin… suckin… and some fuckin! I didn’t know how I got in the middle of it all! Some of the shit I saw even made me blush! Just as I expected Chris was runnin around sweaty… shirtless…loud and GOOOOONE! All I could do was laugh…Cause he definitely didn’t know how to handle his liq yet! But it was his 21^st so TURN UP!! He was actin like the referee… cheerin on the fest…Hookin up the strippers and well groupie hoes with the homies! I swear I was laughin so hard watchin him my sides hurt! THIS AINT A GAME SHOW!

Like an hour into it I saw Draya and him goin at it on the patio…It worried me a little cause well he was drunk. From what I saw she was upset cause one of the groupies was all over him and he was lettin her. Now normally Draya would be right there cheerin that type of shit on…but this time she was OVER IT! I walked over to where Tey and Moe were sittin and laughin at the fest.

“So what’s up with them two.” I asked

“Who Chris and Draya?” Tey said.

“Yea…She been actin funny all night and now they out there arguin.” I said takin another sip of my drink.

“Girl what’s new…They been at it for weeks now…I think he bout to finally drop her ass.” Tey said smack on Skittles.

“He should have been done that shit…Don’t know why he been puttin up with her this long.” Moe said rollin her eyes.

“That’s cause Sweets didn’t want to take him back.” Tey said droppin her Skittles.

DON’T BLAME ME!

“He coulda left her along time ago…He stayed cause he wanted too…Not because of me.” I said shakin my head.

“Girl please…You know he don’t like bein alone…I’m tellin you he didn’t wanna look stupid cause you didn’t want to be his girl….He told me.” Tey said smackin hard.

“Yup…Told me too…But I told him that was some stupid shit…Cause that was just gonna make you walk away.” Moe said sippin on her drink.

“But that’s just it…I didn’t walk away…He told me he was done.” I fired.

“What?” They both said confused.

WHAT YOU MEAN WHAT?

“Yea!” I said tryin to understand their shock.

“Oooo…He told me you stopped fuckin with him!”

WHAT?

“He told me that shit too…This nigga!” Moe said shakin her head.

I was confused…Why he lie? He knew good and well he told me he was done…Yes I was tired of him bein with Draya…But that’s not how it went down! I instantly had flames in my stomach. WAS HE TRYIN TO MAKE ME OUT TO BE THE BAD GUY SO HE WOULD HAVE AN EXCUSE FOR STILL BEIN WITH HER!

“No…He told me he was done cause I was confused…And we haven’t spoken to each other really in two months!” I clarified.

“How he gonna call you confused when he was with both ya’ll…He coulda ended that shit.” Moe fired. “Cause the bitch aint nothin but a golddiggin hoe…He been lookin stupid for months…Nothin but a headache.”

“Mmm hmm.” Tey said. “He been walkin round here frontin and He been kickin himself in the ass and I was wonderin why…He knew he fucked up!”

Wait ya’ll.

“Wait …Now I take my blame in it…Cause I didn’t want us to be back together at the time…But I was hopin he would leave her if he wasn’t happy…And that’s where I went wrong.” I confessed.

“Well it looks like ya’ll just might have that chance.” Tey said pointin over to Draya stormin in the house bright red.

Chris soon followed right after her. It seemed like the whole party screeched to a halt!

“Leave them keys too.” He fired at her.

She turned to him snatched his house keys off her key chain.

“Here!” She said as she threw them at him.

WELP!

“Thaaanks!…Have a nice fuckin life!” He said in full asshole mode.

“And I will…This the best fuckin day ever…Hey everybody I’m finally free!” She said clappin.

“Yea so any nigga in here that aint fucked her…Have at it…It’s on me!” He said laughin.

DAAAMN!

“Ya’ll take that shit somewhere else…We fuckin bitches!” Mijo said laughin with O and Keeis.

“She was just leavin…AYE LADIES I’M SINGLE AND IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!” He announced and grinned deviously.

Draya looked at the thirsty group of girls that were now all smiles.

“Good luck with this one ladies…Hope you like to share.” Draya said grabbin her purse and walkin out.

“DON’T HATE!” He yelled out and walked to the group of groupies.

WOW!

I shook my head and got up. This was too much…He was drunk and all will be back to normal tomorrow…So this show he was puttin on was makin me OVER IT! I pushed my way past the crowd and left out. I got all the way home and my phone started blowin up. I looked at it. B. I wasn’t gonna do this with him…I was not gonna be his rebound….His birthday sex…His back up…His safety net. We spent OUR birthday together…Now he had to deal with his OWN issues….

Without me

Happy Birthday to the new me…

“Innocent…Heaven sent that’s the way she look…Make you turn again take a second look..”

(Sweets POV)

 

By the middle of February….Chris had released IN MY ZONE……I was so proud of him and Kevin! It was gettin a good response and of course TEAM BREEZY were lovin it! He had reluctantly gave up on GRAFFITI because of the negative press and black ballin…So this was his way of showin the haters that there was no stoppin GOOD MUSIC! It was also a chance for him to make the types of songs he liked and not followin what the label wanted him to do! He was basically testin the independent waters and it was payin off! He even started recordin songs with Ty for a joint mixtape. I was so proud of his work ethic…He was more focused than ever! Just to see him smilin and carefree again was everything for me. Even though his legal troubles were far from over he was handlin everythin like a man. He was in a good place despite the negativity that was still comin his way…He truly hated that. Everybody was entitled to their opinion but wishin death upon someone every single day via Twitter was redundant and annoyin to him. So finally he got fed up and deleted his twitter account. I was sad for him because he just couldn’t take it no more…and even though he was grateful and loved TEAM BREEZY to death he said he just had to let it go for awhile.

I knew they would be devastated and accordin to everybody that had an account….they were. I didn’t have one at first but when he deleted his I decided to join. I had never knew just how many people knew who I was until then! A lot were fans of my work with Chris…mostly TEAM BREEZY but a lot were fans of some of my other work and videos….I had know idea I had inspired so many to dance! It was truly upliftin! Of course there were a lot of questions…most wantin to know if I still talked to Chris and if so relay messages to him. And I made sure I did just that! What I was not prepared for was the negativity thrown my way from TREY’S FANS…Which he called “Trey’s Angels”….I was shocked at how much they still hated that he even dated me! LIKE IT WAS 2 YEARS AGO! LET IT GO! I would have to check some of them because they would be totally disrespectful and they didn’t even know anything about me or Trey and I’s relationship….OLD RELATIONSHIP! I knew now exactly how Chris felt….I would log on to these lil evil girls tellin me to die…That they were glad Trey dumped me or that I was too ugly to ever had been with Trey….LAUGHABLE! And the most hilarious ones were “STAY AWAY FROM THEIR HUSBAND!” Like really???? If they only knew I dumped him! And lets be clear I DON’T WANT HIM! HAHA!….I would let Chris and Mijo read the tweets and they would laugh their ass off…I told Chris that some of them were TEAM BREEZY too and that  bothered him and he told me not to take it personally they just like to go hard…But for the most part it would be TEAM BREEZY that would attack the evil ones cause they said since I was CBE nobody was gonna talk shit to me not even other TEAM BREEZY members! I felt like I was apart of the MOB! HAHAHA! TEAMBREEZY was a mess but I truly had love for them because they loved Chris so much and everyone around him! Mijo said if they knew I was Chris’s ex they would turn on me too….Which I knew was true cause Draya stayed gettin dragged by them daily! And you know I didn’t feel bad cause most of the things they would tweet her…if they only knew were true as hell. They didn’t see how she complained to Chris like he was supposed to make them stop…He couldn’t control them… They were their own force and Lawd were they a forced to be reckoned with!

FOLLOW ME LIKE TWITTER

I was so new to the twitter thing I didn’t understand what the big deal was when Trey decided to follow me. But for his fans it was BLASPHEMY! They didn’t understand we were JUST FRIENDS…nothin more! In their eyes he was tryin to be with me again. UH HEEEELLL NO!! If they only knew they could have all of his ass to themselves…and even tho Trey wouldn’t be Trey without stirrin up some kind of drama/buzz…I was definitely not tryin to be still throwin into the media bein connected to him like that. I had my own ventures and I definitely didn’t not want to be labeled as Trey Songz’s Ex Fiance’ forever! This social media/blog shit was for the birds so after the third week I decided I would not be on as much!

LOG OFF

“So you still gettin that ass bashed on twitter?” Mijo said handin me back my Skittles.

“OH MY GOD! Bashed ain’t the word….Some of them really fuckin hate me!…Like how do you hate somebody you clearly don’t know?” I said shakin my head.

“Damn they hatin on you like that?” Kevin chimed in as he let the beat he just finished play.

“Yes! You would think I was Draya’s ass.” I said rollin my eyes as Mijo laughed.

“Yea cause they be comin for her non stop!” Mijo said laughin again.

“Shit I don’t feel bad…her big mouth ass deserves it..” I said lookin at my phone that lit up. PRIVATE.

Now I had only had a few blocked calls since Lycia called me in December but in the last two weeks they had picked up again. I figured it was her and I wasn’t gonna give her the satisfaction of tryin to scare me so I would mostly let them go to voicemail. But if I was turnt up I would answer and let Mijo talk shit for entertainment cause she would never say anything into the phone just breathe. FUCKIN CHILDISH! So not only was I bein stalked by Trey’s fans…I had Chris’s crazy ass ex fuckin with me daily! I was over it all!

“When Chris supposed to get here?” Ty finally said walkin over and takin some of my Skittles.

COULD YA’LL GET YOUR OWN PLEASE!!!

  “He said he was on his way when I called him a minute ago.” Kevin said.

“Aight…cause a nigga hungry…Hele get us some food man!” He said rubbin his stomach.

WHEN DID I BECOME THE ASSISTANT???

“Hell yeah…bout to pass out in this bitch!” Trell chimed in.

“Hungry ass niggas…What ya’ll want?” I said scrollin through my answerin the text I got. CHRIS.

CHRIS: I want some Ice Cream. ;)

ME: Oh Yeah?

CHRIS: Yup! I wanna Ce you Cream on my tongue! :p

ME: Just nasty!! ;p

CHRIS: I know! On my way. ;)

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud and get turned on at the same damn time…I had totally forgot Ty and Trell were talkin to me!

“She ain’t even listenin to ya’ll she cakin with that nigga Chris!” Mijo said laughin.

HOW HE KNOW!

“Wha..What?….I am not!” I said laughin and lyin horribly.

“Man ain’t that bout a bitch…Tell that nigga to pick up some Chik-Fila!” Ty said

“I’m not talkin to him!” I tried to lie but I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

“Anybody ever tell you you’re a bad liar?” Kevin said laughin.

“Ya’ll need to shut up!” I said gettin up.

“Has that ass got phatter cause daaaaamn Hele!” Ty said starin at my ass.

BOY STOP!

“Breezy been bangin the shit out of it…Got that ass sittin out there now!” Trell said laughin.

“Big Booty Judy…Big Booty Judy.” Kevin sang and laughed.

“Oh! I knew that song was bout her…Cause Draya wish she had an ass like dat!” Trell said laughin.

OH MY GOD!

“Ya’ll are stupid…Aint none of those songs bout me and stay up out my business!” I said now feelin awkward caue everyone but Mijo was focused on my ass!

“Well actually there mostly bout you.” Kevin added “Breezy just didn’t tell you.”

“Huh?” I said confused.

I knew if he had any songs bout me he would always tell me so now I wanted to know which ones! I was feelin super uncomfortable so I decided to leave out.

“Yea…You should ask him.” Kevin said smilin.

“Well I’m gonna go get ya’ll damn Chik-fila…and stop lookin at my ass!” I said walkin out.

After I got their damn food. I headed back to the studio. I couldn’t wait to for this session to be over cause after Chris’s texts that he had been sendin me all day I DEFINITELY WANTED SOME MONSTA! We hadn’t been alone in a few days cause I had been busy with the Dance 1 : LA kids…and he couldn’t seem to shake Draya. So I was overdue for some ATTENTION! When I walked back in the studio I had to do everythin not to drop all the food on the floor. Sittin in the chair across from Chris on her laptop  was  DRAYA! I couldn’t believe she ACTUALLY came cause she had been avoidin most of the sessions. She looked up and gave me a friendly smile. BITCH!

WHAT THE HELL???

I didn’t return the smile but looked over at Chris who had his back to me talkin to Kevin. I’M GONNA KICK HIS ASS!! I thought. He knew I meant what I said that the next time I saw her I was gonna beat her ass for that stunt she pulled with Trey! I guess Mijo and Ty sensed it so they damn near ambushed me before I could say somethin.

“Aye…Thanks Hele!” Ty said grabbin the food out my hands.

“You’re welcome.” I said as Chris turned to look at me.

I gave him a look of WE NEED TO TALK! But he just gave me one of JUST CALM DOWN. Uggh! What he mean calm down! I don’t know what was goin on but I felt like I was bein set up! I WAS NOT FEELIN IT!

“Sis come look at this video real quick.” Mijo said blockin my view of Draya.

“Aight.” I said walkin with him.

We sat on the couch next to two girls that Trell was now talkin to. Mijo started the video but my mind was racin…WHY WOULD HE GET ME ALL RILED UP IF HE WAS JUST GONNA BE HERE WITH HER? I mean I knew I couldn’t get mad but I was definitely irritated…Cause truthfully I was cool with this down low shit  just as long as I didn’t have to see the attention seekin bitch! After a few minutes she got up and walked over to me and Mijo.

BITCH YOU DON’T WANT IT!

“Um Sweets can I talk to you for a minute?” She asked nicely. WHY?

“What we gotta talk about?” I fired at her.

“I wanted to talk to you about somethings I had said…Could we please?” She said almost like she had a heart!

I couldn’t believe she was tryin to be all cordial and shit! NOPE! I ain’t got shit to say!

“Nah…I’m good.” I said as Mijo bumped my arm. WHAT?

“Man just go talk!” Mijo said

WHAT?

He knew I couldn’t stand her! Had he lost his mind?…Cause if she said one thing slick I was gonna punch her in her mouth… No hesitation!

“Please…Not on no bullshit.” She said holdin up her hands.

“Just go.” Mijo said bumpin my arm again.

DAMMIT!

I sat there and looked at her hard tryin to read her….But I came up with nothin. I was definitely on guard as I slowly stood up. I looked over at Chris who still had his back to us. And I knew by how he was actin he knew she wanted to talk to me. I’M REALLY GONNA FUCK HIM UP! I reluctantly followed behind her as she entered the lounge room. I kept my distance as she sat on the couch and began.

“I really don’t know how to say this other than I’m sorry.” She said lookin at me.

 I didn’t speak.

“I shouldn’t have told Trey the things I did…But I was pissed and drunk…That was no excuse…Cause it wasn’t my place and for that I’m sorry.” She said almost soundin genuine.

I knew the only reason she was apologizin was because of Chris…I stared at her lookin desperate for me to say somethin…But I just didn’t trust her or the words that were comin out her mouth! I was just waitin on her angle.

“You were definitely out of line…and I don’t think I can accept your apology right now.” I said finally.

“Look I know we have been on bad terms for a long time but I really just wanna call a truce…I’m tryin to change a lot about myself and bein spiteful with you is one of the biggest things I wanna let go…I mean we used to be friends til this whole Chris thing!”  She said shakin her head.

USED TO BE!

“Well I guess you should’ve thought bout that when you was on a mission to get him for yourself…Bein the girlfriend isn’t all that you thought it would be…Huh?” I fired.

She lowered her head and shook it. THAT’S WHAT YOU GET BITCH!

“I never thought I would love and hate somebody as much as I do him…” She said in a shaky voice.

WHAT?

“I mean I have never been drawn to a person like I am to him but it’s like we don’t connect on so many things that it’s drainin.” She continued.

“You wanted it…Takes more than fuckin him good to hold him down or understand him.” I said coldly.

She looked up and had tears runnnin down her face. Now I had no sympathy for her at the moment but I definitely knew those tears…The pain behind them…And how real they were. But she dug her own fuckin whole!

“I thought I did…Now I know I’ve been chasin someone who clearly is in love with someone else…” She said lookin at me.

WELL

“Chris has been through a lot and tryin to make yourself believe he is ready to settle down with anybody is bein in denial…Why you think I let him go….I love that man in there with every part of me…but I also know he is not done growin or healin.” I said

“Pssh…Who you tellin…I just thought he would do it over time but I see he is still lovin in the past….” She said wipin her face. “He is just so good to Niko…You know…I have never let my son be around my boyfriends before him and I guess I just saw that and thought that love would transfer over to me…but I was wrong…”

Damn.

I was really blown away by her honesty…I mean I knew she used Niko to practically control him…But I didn’t realize she was tryin to use that to make Chris love her.

“I know you guys have something special…I have always known and I envied that cause I couldn’t….No matter how hard I try to have that type of connection with him…” She said tearin up again.

“He was my bestfriend first…I never had to win him over…We grew together…If I never go back to him…We will always have that.” I said matter of factly.

She nodded agreein.

“Well you should know I’m cool with that…I’m not blind to the fact that you guys still fuck around…Not sayin I like it but I’m realistic…What man doesn’t cheat? At least I know who it’s with and I know why.” She said smoothin down her shorts.

WHAT?

“So this was all to tell me your ok with me and him still fuckin around?” I asked confused as fuck by her logic!

“Basically… Now I’m not sayin I’m givin up on me and him…I’m just sayin I don’t want animosity between me and you because he obviously loves you deeply so I’m just gonna respect that and focus on what we got together for my son’s sake.” She said standin up.

WOW…..JUST WOW!

I was in pure shock…She was gonna share Chris??? This was all too confusin for me…I knew I should be laughin in her face but it wasn’t even worth it cause she was obviously desperate to hold on…I just didn’t understand it! WHY NOT LET IT GO??? But if she was willin to torture herself…Who was I to talk her out of it…

“I really don’t know what to say.” I said still tryin to process the conversation.

“Just know I’m done with the fightin and I’m gonna focus my attention on other things…Do your thing.” She said walkin out the door.

IS THIS REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY???

I stood there runnin through my thoughts…SHE HAD TO BE CRAZY! Even I wouldn’t give another bitch PERMISSION to keep fuckin my man…unless….unless I had my own shit goin on! That’s when it hit me…She had finally got to her FUCK IT point…But instead of losin her now public status as CHRIS BROWN’S GIRLFRIEND…She was gonna get her own side thing! Which I felt she had all along…I shook my head cause I knew this was gonna end badly…but like I said who am I to talk her out of it!

I WANNA WAKE UP IN YOUR ARMS

I sat there watchin Chris sleep…My thoughts were so deep that I couldn’t sleep even after goin three rounds with him. He seemed so comfortable…So at peace that it had me thinkin hard on what we were actually doin. I had never saw myself as somebody’s other girl and after the conversation I had with Draya…It had me rethinkin the whole thing. Somthin told me that was her motivation for squashin things and I really didn’t like that the manipulation was workin. I mean I was lovin where me and Chris were as far our connection but it was all tainted. We were both pretendin fulltime and tryin hard to ignore thae fact that Draya was still in the picture…no matter what the reasons was.

Curious

I had never been one to snoop…But when I saw his phone flash on my nightstand I suddenly had the urge to check it. I know…I know…Wrong thing to do but I couldn’t help the overwhelmin feelin that was pushin me to do it. I took a minute and debated whether I REALLY wanted to go there but after it flashed two more times I decided to grab it. I quickly checked the now four text messages.

DEANNA: What happened to you?

I instantly rolled my eyes and felt a flame cause he was STILL talkin to her and cause she was STILL tryin to get MY MONSTA! I took a mental note and erased it. BITCH!

JASMINE: Hey! I know it’s late but it was really nice meeting you the other day!

Who?

JASMINE: Oh and give me a call so we can go on that run sometime! Goodnight :)

I read the message over ….and I didn’t have a clue as to who she could be so I left it. I mean she seemed harmless.

DRAYA: I knew you were gonna do this again. I really want to make this work and I’m

              tryin. I just wish you would make up your mind.

I reread it over and could feel the hurt behind her words…Cause well I had been there  SO MANY TIMES! And I didn’t expect it to but I was startin to really feel bad. I was about to put the phone down when another message came in so I checked it.

DRAYA: This is all so hard for me but I am willing to let you love her. Call me in the

               morning. I love you.

That made me freeze. I knew now that she didn’t have an angle and was really hurtin behind all of this. I never thought I would but I knew this had to stop. In reality I wasn’t winnin…I was goin against everythin I believed in…I had become all those girls he had cheated on me with. I was causin someone else to feel the pain I never wanted anyone to feel…It just wasn’t right. I quickly put his phone back down and got out of the bed. This all had my mind racin a mile a minute. I mean I was in love with him and I didn’t want to share but I WAS THE ONE WHO PUT US IN THIS POSITION! I knew I shouldn’t have but at the time I was hurtin myself and I just didn’t care but it had been 3 months and I felt more empty now then I did then. Everythin we were right now was a lie…and I CREATED IT! How?…How did I let myself become this person?

 LOVE…

I continued to pace for awhile and then sat back on the bed. I guess movement startled him and he looked at me with one eye.

“What you doin up?” He said in a raspy tone.

“I couldn’t sleep…” I trailed off and lookin away.

“What’s on your mind?” He said sittin up slowly and rubbin his eyes.

I sighed deeply cause I didn’t know if I wanted to tell the truth. But I knew he would see right through me if I told him it was nothin…So I caved.

“Are you ok with this?” I asked playin with my fingers.

“Ok with what?” He said leanin back on my headboard.

“Ok with what we’re doin?” I said lookin over at him.

He sat there for a few seconds before he sighed and closed his eyes tight. I guess I already knew the answer because he had tried time and time again to get talk about me  bein his again and I would shut him down before he could start the conversation. Damn.

“Honestly…No. You know what I want but I ain’t gonna force you to make up your mind…” He said finally openin his eyes.

Damn…

 “I know….I just wasn’t ready to be in a official relationship…Cause I didn’t feel like you could really give me your all…I mean look at this…How do I know you wouldn’t be doin this samethin with the next new girl that flashed a smile.” I said bluntly.

I saw him look over at me quickly and the expression on his face told it all…WRONG THING TO SAY!

“Are you serious right now? I only went along with this shit cause this is how YOU wanted it!” He said with flames in his eyes. “You think I wanted this stress? Hell No! But I love you and I was willin to do whateva til you made up yo damn mind!”

I sat there speechless as he got up and sat on the edge of the bed with his back to me. SHIT! Ok this was all backfirin!

“I know I wanted like this…but It’s not right!” I said feelin frustrated.

“It’s not right?…Not right for who?” He said dryly.

“For both of us…Chris you got somebody…” I said quietly.

“You knew that from the start and you never cared…Why you care now?” He said with his back still to me.

“I just do.” I said now irritated cause he called me out.

“She got to you didn’t she? She made you feel bad….Pssh I knew this shit was comin.” He said getting up and pullin on his boxers.

“Don’t act like I’m the one who brought her to the studio to talk to me!” I fired back.

“Ha! You right I did…Cause I just knew there was no way in hell you was gonna fall for her bullshit…But I was wrong!” He said pullin his shirt on.

WHAT THE HELL?

“The fuck you mean?” I said standin up.

“She told me she wanted to apologize but I knew she was gonna pull more than that…But I wasn’t trippin cause I figured you would see right through it…You think she sittin around cryin over me? Hell nah…She at her other nigga’s house and probably textin me hopin I feel bad and leave like I’m stupid!” He said puttin on his J’s.

WHAT IS REALLY GOIN ON HERE????

Now I was irked…Cause the bitch had actually fooled me! And after readin the text she sent… He was actually dead on! SO THAT CONVO WAS REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY! But wait where you goin?

“So why put up with it then…Huh?…If she plays so many damn games….Why you keep fuckin with her?” I shot back sincerely wantin to know. I MEAN END IT ALREADY!!!

“CAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO BE WITH ME REMEMBER!” He yelled. “EVEN THO YOU ARE….DONT ASK ME TO FIGURE OUT YOUR BACKWARD ASS THINKIN!”

NIGGA!

Ok now I was pissed! Not sure if it was cause he was yellin at me or cause he had a point. But FUCK IT!

“IF YOU WANTED ME SO BAD YOU COULD’VE ENDED IT WITH HER A LOOONG TIME AGO! DID YOU EVER THINK THAT’S WHAT I WAS WAITIN FOR?” I yelled back.

NOW WHAT!

“You so full of shit…It’s like this you ain’t gotta go through your “Its not gonna work out…I’m leavin” yada yada shit…I’m gonna save you the trouble this time…I’m done!” He said grabbin his phone off my nightstand and goin for the door.

OH SHIT!

Wait! This was not where I was goin with this…My mind stalled before it registered that he had just ended it! WAIT WHAT?? I stood there confused…IS HE REALLY DONE?

“Are you serious?” I said in shock.

“Dead. You always screamin I’m confused when it’s been you the whole time…Quit puttin that shit on me…I got enough guilt and bullshit from you to last me a lifetime.” He said walkin out my bedroom door.

DAMN!

I didn’t know what to do…I was literally froze in place. I had done it…I had made him walk away. WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKIN HELENA? Was all I could scream at myself. And just like that I heard his Lambo start…I swear he sat there and waited a good five minutes. I wanted to run after him and maybe that’s what he was waitin for but…but I didn’t and I don’t know why. Soon I heard him peel off. He was gone…

“I’m done!”

I fucked up…

“All this bottle poppin got me feelin nicely…leavin by myself is highly unlikely.”

(Chris POV)

 

Once I touched down in the ATL I tried callin Sweets a hundred times and she wasn’t answerin. It scared the shit out of  me especially after that CRAZY BITCH Lycia called her. I mean how the fuck does she keep findin her! It made me feel like shit that all this was even happenin to her. It was like MY MISTAKE kept hauntin her in the worst ways!  So I couldn’t…I couldn’t let anythin happen to her anymore than it already has. I talked to Mark and he said there wasn’t much we could do unless we could get some kind of information on Lycia for a restrainin order. I called the number I had for her but it was disconnected. And before we left I left LA me and Mijo went by her old place but she didn’t live there anymore. It’s like the bitch just turned into a ghost and was hauntin a nigga! I swear I regretted even givin her the time a day…I really wished I woulda listened to Bow. I couldn’t dwell on it…it was done…Now I just had to find a way to make sure Sweets stayed safe.

After I checked into my hotel me and Mijo continued to call her…Shit I even called Mommi to see if she had heard from her and no luck…I mean I know it was 7 am but After what she told me I wasn’t gonna be cool til I knew she was ok. FUCK! Somethin told me she was hardheaded and didn’t go to a hotel so I decided I would go by her  place. I called Randa  and she told me she hadn’t talked to her since yesterday mornin but she would meet me at Sweets. Around 8 we finally headed over. When we pulled up there was a rental car in the drive way and that made my heart drop! THAT BITCH ACTUALLY CAME TO HER HOUSE! Me, Mijo and Pat jumped out immediately and I ran to the door. I started ringin the bell like crazy…NO ANSWER . So I started to beat on the door…NO ANSWER! FUUUCK! As I kept ringin the bell I saw Randa pull up. But before she could get up the drive way the door opened.

REALLY?

Sweets opened the door and her hair was all over her head…She had on a beater with no bra and slippers. She looked like she had one of OUR long ass nights! I was definitely confused as to why she hadn’t answered her fuckin phone cause it wasn’t like her…she wasn’t no damn heavy sleeper!

“Why you haven’t been answer your phone?” I asked frustrated but relieved that she was ok.

“I didn’t hear it cause it was on slient…I kept get blocked calls so I said fuck it and turned the ringer off….Why you bring everybody?” She said rubbin her eyes and looked at Pat, Mijo and now Randa.

“Cause we couldn’t get a hold of you and I thought that bitch was over here!” I said tryin to figure out why she looked so throwed.

“Oh well I’m fine.” She said tryin to brush her wild hair down.

“So whose car is that?” Mijo finally asked.

“That’s-“

“Aye Honey did you see where I put my ke-“

I couldn’t believe my FUCKIN EYES! There standin in her hallway was fuck TREY! Now Me and him had squashed our beef over Sweets after that night when Sweets caught me with Draya…And we had got back on cool terms enough that I had did a song with him that  I put on GRAFFITI!! We didn’t talk everyday but we talked enough to where I considered him a homie AGAIN! And now he was standin in her FUCKIN HALLWAY! I took one look at him then I looked at Sweets and it all made since…THAT’S WHY HER ASS WASN’T ANSWERIN AND LOOKED LIKE SHE HAD BEEN UP ALL NIGHT! I wanted to fuck him UP! But nah…not this time…See there was rules to this game and well If that’s how she was gonna play it again…HE CAN HAVE HER! This exactly why I kept Draya around…SHE WASN’T GONNA PUNK ME!

“Trey?” I heard Randa say.

“Yo what the fuck nigga?” Mijo said.

Trey walked towards the door. And It took everythin in me not to punch the shit ot of him but I kept my cool…

“Chris it’s not what you think we-“ Sweets started to say

“We just stayed up all night workin on this song…that’s it.” Trey interrupted her and tried to explain.

BUT HOW THE FUCK YOU KNOW SHE WAS HERE?

“Aight…” Was all I said and then lookin at Sweets who was actually calm.

“Nigga she don’t look like ya’ll was just writin!” Mijo fired off. “You aint got enough of tryin to follow behind homie!”

“Nigga what?…Look I aint gotta lie…If I fucked I would say so cause I’m real…but we aint did shit.” Trey fired at Mijo.

Sweets then shot him the evilest look and I knew his words didn’t sit well with her.

“What the fuck you mean you would say it?” She fired at him.

“Hell I would cause I aint gotta hide shit!”  He said carelessly and then I found it amusin cause well he was diggin a whole.

GUESS SHE NOT LYIN!

“See that’s the bullshit I’m talkin! You would tell that shit…just no regards to my feelins huh?” Sweets said pushin him.

DAMN!

“Whoa chill….Why the fuck you always flyin off the handle?” Trey said still tryin to keep his cool with her.

 YOU BETTA NIGGA!

“Cause you say the most fucked up shit! Get the fuck out!” She said walkin to the key stand and throwin them at him.

OUCH!

“Man we just had a cool night…and you gonna trip off some petty shit?” Trey said pickin his keys and bag up.

“Maybe next time you will THINK before you speak!” She said unapologetic.

“Man aight…I’mma go cause you showin out…” Trey mumbled and walked up to me. “I swear it was all business.”

“You good.” I said calmly as I laughed at him on the inside.

“Oh and tell Draya that the next time she wanna run her mouth to you I’mma fuck her up!” Sweets added.

WHAT?

Trey spun around and looked at her in shock…Like she wasn’t supposed to say anythin. I looked at him and he looked like a deer caught in the headlights!

“What the fuck?” I asked irritated now.

“Aw shit!” Mijo then said laughin.

“See this why I can’t stand dat bitch! Oh My God!” Randa then added and walked past bumpin Trey.

Trey then turned to me. WHAT THE FUCK REALLY GOIN ON????

“Wait…wait before you think anythin…I aint fucked with that bitch!” Trey said holdin up his hands.

 I wasn’t pissed …I was just irritated cause I didn’t know he had been talkin to Draya!

“Then what she talkin bout?” I asked raisin my eyebrow.

“Aye Breezy I know that’s ya girl and all but she got a big fuckin mouth…She told me all ya’ll business…Make it so bad she kept tryin to draw attention to us and they took a few pics..I was gonna tell you all about it tonight…She faulty bro.” Trey said sincerely.

WHY AM I NOT SHOCKED?

“When did this all happen?” I questioned just to get the details before I cussed her the fuck out!

“Like last Thursday…Yea she was makin sure people saw us together once I noticed I moved around.” He said shakin his head.

“Aight.” Was all I said

I knew Draya had been runnin her mouth but to go and tell Trey Sweet’s business was just petty and messy! I was really gettin fuckin tired of her childish ass games…and every time I called her on em she would play stupid….I mean how many times does somebody gotta get beat up by chicks before you learn to keep ya mouth CLOSED! I also knew she thought by goin to Trey wit it would get under my skin so I decided I wasn’t gonna trip she was just gonna get pushed farther away… cause at this point I was just lettin her hang herself.

“Well I’m out…See ya’ll tonight…By Honey wit cha mean ass!” He said laughin and walkin to his car.

Sweets just rolled her eyes and walked back upstairs. I followed her cause I still was curious on how he ended up over at her house. When I got to the door I heard her and Randa goin back and forth. Sweets said that it was fucked up for her to give Trey her number with checkin with her first and Randa said she didn’t think it was a big deal cause they had work together before. Damn Randa! I decided to knock before I walked in.

“What you want light bright?” Randa said

“Look whose talkin…wit cha glowin ass.” I said laughin

“Pssh whateva..I gotta go…” She said leavin out the room.

 

I walked over to the bed and watched Sweets go through her closet…Even tho seein Trey and the crazy shit with Lycia had me bugged out for her…I couldn’t help but admire her…She was stubborn as hell but I wouldn’t want her to be any other way! I knew that she would always hold her ground and never let anyone make her doubt her views passions…I mean there were only a few 22 year olds that have only been through half of what she has and still came out of it like a BOSS! She walked in and threw two outfits on the bed…I saw her debatin so I finally decided to speak.

“The red one for right now and the black one for tonight.” I said watchin for her reaction and pullin my phone up by her nightstand.

She looked over at me for a moment then smiled. YEA I GOT TASTE!

“I was thinkin the same thing…Stay out my head!” She said smilin hard

“Hey I got taste too!” I said winkin at her.

“Can you believe your bout to have your release party?” She said takin off her beater and pulliin on her top.

“Man been through hell to get this out…Iont even care what they say about it…I’m just glad to give TEAMBREEZY good music…they deserve it!”

“You got that right!” She said pullin on the red skinny jeans. SO SEXY!

“I bout to finish up this mixtape and got some more videos to shoot with Keri, Ester and Diddy so I’m gonna keep my shit out there damn the fuckin critics.” I said frustrated.

“Yea I read some of them…It’s like all they wanna talk about is Rob not about how damn good the album is!” She said wrinklin her nose and tryin to put on her stiletto.

“Don’t even worry bout it…cause I’m not…So how Trey get your number anyway?” I finally asked.

“Randa’s ass!….Guess she ran into him on Peachtree and he asked so she gave it to him.” She said rollin her eyes. HMMM.

“So why you let him stay the night tho?” I had to ask. WHAT?

“We got done with the song late and I was nervous about sleepin here alone so I had him crash in the guest bedroom downstairs….Shit that way if the crazy bitch get in she would go for him first!” She said laughin.

DAMN! THAT’S FUCKED UP! HA!

“That’s  cold…you gonna let the nigga get fucked up…I think I agree with him witcha mean ass!” I said laughin and goin to her nightstand to check my phone.

When I reached for it I saw something black stickin out from under her pillow. I was curious so I lifted it up and it was a DAMN GUN!!

“What the fuck you doin with this?” I asked her pullin the pillow all the way back.

“I got it for protection….I refuse to be ran out of my home or take the chance of somebody attackin me in it…Never-again” She gritted out walkin over and pickin it up like a BOSS!

 DAMN!  

I had to gather myself cause seein her handle it so comfortably was definitely a turn on…but at the same time I was afraid she might actually use it and scar herself even more!

“I understand but you gotta let a nigga know you got it out like that… I could sat on it and got shot in the ass!” I said shakin my head and laughin a little. “Plus you know a nigga on probation…I can get locked up just bein around one.”

“Oh shit that’s right…Fuck…I’m sorry…Here I will put it away.” She said goin to her closet.

“Look at you all up in here GI Jane style!” I said putting my phone in  my pocket.

“Hey somebody gotta do it…My hero can’t be around all the time.” She said smiling and walkin over to me.

“Just promise me this…Don’t use it unless you have to and if you do…unload on they ass!” I said wrappin my arms around her waist.

“Look at you..puttin down rules.” She said with a sexy tone.

“Well I gotta look out for you…I missed you.” I said leanin down and kissin her. MMMM.

“I see….” She said kissin me back. “But  we got shit to do…let’s go!”

She pulled away and grabbed her purse. DAMMIT!

“Aye…I was tryna get me some first…shit!” I said as she walked out the door.

“You gonna have to wait playa…let’s go!” She said from the hallway.

Guess payback was a bitch!

PARTY AND BULLSHIT

My release party was the shit! I had all the old CBE crew to come down plus all my industry homies. Draya wanted to come but she had a photo shoot…Which was cool cause I wanted to hang with Sweets anyway. Plus after I cussed her the fuck out for tellin all the business I knew she was gonna hide. Shit I wasn’t even gonna try and stop the asss whoopin Sweets said she was gonna give her…she shouldn’t have been runnin her mouth! After the party it was back to finish up these shows and see how GRAFFITI was gonna do…and well by what TEAMBREEZY was letting me know….Fuckin stores was lyin about even havin the albums and Walmart just totally black balled me all together! I could help but be hurt…I tweeted to all of them that they had to keep houndin the stores and let it be known they were black ballin me…but that blew up in my face cause the media ran with it and said I was crybaby and what did I expect! FUCK THAT! I was runnin on E! for the next month. I could believe it was really happenin like this! I was startin to doubt everythin and everybody. I felt like my label had left me out to dry and Tina wasn’t doin enough….And everytime I tried to take shit into my own hands I got bashed! I was stuck.

WHAT NOW!

By the end of January I was hard at work with K-Mac to wrap up the mixtape…I decided on callin it IN MY ZONE …..DJ Drama said he would host it and it was comin out DOPE! I was proud of every song…I was ready to do this shit MY WAY! If they wasn’t gonna play my shit fine…But they wasn’t gonna shut me up…NOT NOW…NOT EVER! I decided on Valentine’s Day as the release date…Cause I wanted it to be a gift to TEAMBREEZY who were still fightin so hard for GRAFFITI !! I was still fightin to try and do a European leg of the Fan appreciation tour but it was more of the same BULLSHIT! While I was workin on the mixtape I had started ustreamin as well I want TEAMBREEZY to see my process and stay connected…The label didn’t like it but I didn’t give a fuck about how they felt cause they wasn’t pullin for me so I was gonna  make the rules! I mean what did I really have to lose at this point!

 Draya was lovin the Ustreams cause she could keep up with me when she wasn’t in the studio with me which was startin to get rarer…..I guess she could sense I was startin to pull away and she was tryin everythin to hold on. Honestly I was over it all. I was tired of the complainin, the insecurities, the lies, the sneakiness, the constant and blatant disrespect just to get a rise out of me, her mouth and most of all her SlICK ASS COMMENTS ON SWEETS! I knew she would only do it to push my buttons and that’s why I would react…I would just send her ass to voicemail or fly back to VA to get away way from her….I knew I had had enough and the end was comin ….and she knew it too! At the same time the more I pulled away from Draya and her games the closer me and Sweets got…It was cool to not only have my bestfriend back without our usual drama…but she was puttin shit down on me that had me writin songs about it the next day! SHIIIT!! I aint gonna lie…she had me open again…and truthfully I was lovin her and all of it! SHE COULDN’T BE FUCKED WITH!

I’ll admit I got nervous when she said her and Trey had got back cool….I knew me and her wasn’t OFFICIAL and it worried me that she might cave and go back to him. I couldn’t stomach the thought of her givin him what she was givin me but what could I do…NOT A DAMN THANG! I know I was draggin my feet but she was still insistin on not bein back together…it’s like every time I brought the subject up she didn’t want to talk about it…But truthfully she was in denial cause we were basically IN A RELATIONSHIP! Somethin kept tellin me that she was now usin Draya as an excuse…I could see she was enjoyin the freedom of bein single but havin the luxury of havin me too. And that shit didn’t feel good cause well it was déjà vu just the roles were reversed! I couldn’t let myself go out like some punk but at the same time I wasn’t willin to give up hope…I mean she couldn’t keep denyin how she felt about us forever…or maybe I was just wantin what I couldn’t have…

Somethin got to give… 

“Let’s chase our love…Let’s chase our love…Tonight…Tonight…”

(Sweets POV)

 

By the time the last five show came I was feelin worn out. I had been wakin up with migraines and Chris and Momma were worried it was somethin serious so the forced me to go to a doctor while we were in Boston.. Everythin came out to be fine but the doctor said that I was sufferin from exhaustion and dehydration…with the fear it could affect my blood pressure he said I needed to rest. I guess all the travelin and late nights were takin its toll on me…so reluctantly I decided to go home to Atlanta to rest up before the Jersey show… But three days off were exactly what I needed. Chris was comin down in a few days because of his release party so I was gonna enjoy this little break. We had got intense over the weeks and well I felt myself not wantin to return to REAL LIFE once the tour ended! I mean it was just like old times…Havin a glimpse of that back was makin me want to get Little Miss Draya out of the picture all together! I knew he just wanted me to say the word but truthfully I wanted him to end it on his own…I mean I felt like we were in the Robyn situation all over again. I really couldn’t see what Draya was addin to his life except threesomes…so other than his bond with Niko…WHAT THE FUCK WAS IT?

I didn’t want to stress on it cause well I had excepted that right now he just wasn’t ready to be faithful…I mean if he was he wouldn’t be willin to sleep with me every night…Right? Yes I know it’s because he loved me but also if he loved me he would end it with Draya and be truly single! I mean I wanted him to enjoy the single life for once and then we gradually work our way back to a relationship cause at this moment I was gonna enjoy mine…No pressure. I was tired of tryin to make relationships work when it just seemed like it was inevitable that someone would cheat! I know that was cynical way of lookin at love..but FUCK LOVE when the other person didn’t take your feelins in to account every moment and remain just as faithful as you were bein! Me and Chris’s connection was so deep that if he was truly ready I would change my mind but as of right now he was still torn and I just didn’t have the time to invest in the confusion!

OLD FRIEND

I had been home for a whole day and of course Mommi and a lot of my cousins from my Dad’s side were NOT lettin me get any type of rest…I swear someone was comin by or callin every 10 minutes! I finally broke down and went shoppin with Mommi..I loved spoilin her…even though she had her own means…She deserved much more! I had just paid off her house and boutique… even though she was fought me all the way. I even told her I was in the works to open her one in NY and LA….I wanted my Mommi to see her dream of her store on Rodeo Drive and that’s just what I was gonna do! After we went to lunch she ditched me to catch up with her new football player boyfriend…I was in shock when she told me he was the same age as ME! WHAT THE HELL! First I had to make sure I didn’t know him and then I had to stop myself from throwin up! HA! But Mommi looked half her age and well the youngins loved her! I swear if I didn’t have the history I had with Chris she woulda  tried  to snatch him up as soon as he turned 18! HAHA! It’s the truth Ms. Teresa and her fell out for a while cause she was tryin to get SHAD!  Once I was got to the house I got a private call. I ignored the first 3 but thought maybe it was Chris playin a joke so I finally answered.

“Your not funny” I said droppin my purse on the couch.

“Did I make a joke?” I heard the familiar whiny voice say.

I froze.

“Wh…Who the fuck is this?” I said as my mind started racin to remember it.

“I’m the one who is gonna finish you off for good…You stole my man and then sent him to prison you bitch and I’m not gonna stop til you suffer like he is!” She barked eerily

 “Lycia..” I said tryin to catch my breath.

“Yes…I’m not done with you…your gonna pay…And don’t think cause your in Atlanta your safe…” She then said calmly.

My heart dropped…HOW THE FUCK DID THIS CRAZY BITCH KNOW I WAS IN ATLANTA??? I dropped my keys and started lookin around…DID SHE KNOW WHERE I LIVED?

“LOOK YOU CRAZY BITCH…YOU COME ANYWHERE NEAR ME AGAIN AND YOUR GONNA JOIN HIM IN PRISON!” I yelled in to the phone.

“I’m not worried…It will be worth it to see you suffer like WE are.” She said with a erry calm tone.

OH MY FUCKIN GOD!

“Call me again and the police will find you!” I said hangin up. OH SHIT!

I was scared shitless….HOW THE FUCK DID SHE GET MY NUMBER???….I instantly thought back to LaRon callin me…I was still tryin to figure out how he got it! Their had to be somebody feedin this CRAZY BITCH information about me but WHO COULD IT BE??? The only people that knew I was in Atlanta was my close friends, Chris and the CBE crew…and I knew there was know way they had any contact with THAT BITCH! So how? I nervously picked my keys of the floor and couldn’t stop shakin…I was scared as hell cause I was in this huge house by myself and didn’t know if this bitch knew where I LIVED! I finally got my hands to stop shakin as I scrolled through my phone and dialed Mommi’s number but she didn’t answer… I called Randa but she didn’t answer either. So I then dialed a few of my cousins and NOW NO ONE WAS ANSWERIN! GREAT! So finally I was about to call Chris hopin just hearin his voice would calm me but I had an incoming call from a number I didn’t recognize. WAS THIS CRAZY BITCH BOLD ENOUGH TO CALL BACK STRAIGHT THROUGH? I wasn’t gonna answer at first but I needed to know if it was her so I could give the number to the cops!  So I answered it.

“LOOK IM REPORTIN YOUR CRAZY ASS TO THE POLICE!” I yelled.

“Hello?” I heard a familiar male voice say.

“Hel-Hello?” I said bein thrown off by HIS voice.

“Honey? Are..Are you ok?” He said soundin concerned.

Oh my God…

“Yea..Yea…How the hell did you get my number Trey?” I asked closing my eyes and sighin.

“I got it from Miranda…What’s goin on?” He said switchin the subject back.

RANDA…DID YOU REALLY???

I couldn’t believe her…WHY IN THE HELL WOULD SHE DO THAT! She knew I wasn’t tryin to talk to Trey EVER if I could…I was instantly pissed and made a mental note to cuss her out as soon as I got off the phone!

“Just some drama…What do you want Trey?” I said rubbin my temples.

“Well I was in town and I wanted to see if it was cool to meet up…got a song I wanted to see if you would write on.” He said actually soundin sincere.

As much as I didn’t want to hang out with him…I was not about to turn down a song writin credit…Them royalty checks are NIIIIICE! Plus with this CRAZY BITCH scarin me half to death I really didn’t want to be alone in this big ole house!

“Ok…where do I need to meet you?” I asked

“Well I was hopin your place so we could use the studio…I mean if that’s ok.” He said nicely.

“Ok..thats fine.” I said

“Aight I will be there in 20.” He said soundin cheery.

“Ok.” I said hangin up.

I walked upstairs to my room and decided to change. I through on some sweats and this vintage jersey Chris had bought me. I wrapped my hair up and layed on the bed waitin. I was still nervous from HER call but I felt a little calmer knowin I wasn’t goin to be alone. I closed my eyes but was startled when my phone rang out to CRAWL. CHRIS.

“Heeeey Sexy!” He said bubbly into the phone.

“Hey You.” I said smilin.

“What you doin?” He asked soundin like he was movin around.

“Layin here.” I said

“Hmmm…What you doin while your layin there?” He said in a sexy tone.

FREAK!

“Mmm…Nothin!” I said laughin.

“Pssh…You can’t play along…You coulda at least lied!” He said laughin.

“Sorry you’re on phone sex punishment.” I said sittin up.

“What? Why?” He said genuinely saddened.

“Cause I said so!” I said laughin.

“See…You just mean fo no damn reason.” He said laughin.

“Whatever…What you up to silly?” I said

“Nothin bout to head to the airport in few…Then I’m on my way to you.” He said then yellin at Mijo in the background.

“Good… cause I’m shook right now.” I said

“Shook about what?” He said soundin concerned.

“That crazy bitch Lycia called me!” I said getting pissed.

“What! How in the hell did she get your number?” He asked now soundin pissed too.

“I have no fuckin idea…but that’s not the worse part.” I said not sure if I should tell him over the phone.

“What?” He said sternly.

“She…She was the one who ran me off the road!” I said bracin myself for his reaction.

“WHAT THE FUCK! HOW YOU KNOW?” He yelled soundin even angrier.

“She told me…she said she was gonna finish me off and that just cause I was in Atlanta didn’t mean I was safe!” I said getting chills again. CRAZY BITCH!

“WHAT THE HELL!” He said then sayin something to Mijo.

“Yes…I really don’t know what to do I don’t have her number cause she called private so I don’t have anything to give the police.” I said

“Man fuck this shit!…That crazy bitch tried to kill you…That’s some sick shit…I’m callin Mark and seein what we can do cause if she know you there…she could be anywhere!” He said soundin frustrated.

“Yea I know…” I said nervously.

“Look you go to a hotel and I will be there in the mornin…don’t even wait just do it Sweets.” He demanded.

I was so sick of this…I’m tired of havin to hide out cause of psychos! What Chris didn’t know was I had a gun here. I wasn’t afraid to use it. After the LaRon attacked me I made sure I had somethin to protect myself. Never again was I gonna be sittin around vulnerable. SO NO IM STAYIN RIGHT HERE!

“I will.” I lied.

“I’m serious Sweets don’t even play with this shit…I will call Mark and then call you back.” He said

“Ok.” I said

“Alright…I love you.” He said sighin.

“I love you too.” I said hangin up.

Once we got off the phone I went to the closet and pulled my lock box down. I did the combination and pulled out my .45. I checked the safety and made sure that it was loaded. I wasn’t gonna be a victim in my own home again…NOT EVER! I put the gun under my pillow and then heard the doorbell. I debated on whether I should take it with me but decided not to cause it just be Trey.

“I’m comin!” I yelled out as I got to the door.

“Hey pretty lady.” Trey said all smiles.

YEA WHATEVER!

“Hey.” I said lettin him in.

“So uh.. How you been?” He asked sittin on the couch.

“Good.” I said sittin down.

“That’s cool…” He said lookin around.

We sat there in a awkward silence for a few minutes before he finally spoke.

“Look Honey I know things between us haven’t been cool in a long ass time…But I really would like us to atleast be friends again…I mean there is no need to act like enemies.” He said genuinely.

HERE WE GO!

“Trey that’s easy for you to say…I don’t trust you…You used me for own personal agenda…You never wanted to marry me…I was just some strategy to get a buzz goin for your damn album!” I fired at him.

“It wasn’t even like that at first…I mean I am in love with you…I just was so determined to make it I got lost…I never meant to hurt you like that…” He said sincerely.

“Yea story of my life…nobody means to but they always do….You know this is a bad idea…” I said standin up in frustration.

“I heard bout what happened to you.” He said with his head down.

“What?” I said curiously.

“Yea that chick Breezy with…What’s her name… Draya…Yea I ran into her last week and she told me everythin.” He said clenchin his jaw.

WHAT??

“Wait why in the hell is she tellin you my fuckin business?” I said now getting pissed.

IMMA FUCK HER UP…AGAIN!

“Iont know but she seemed all to happy to tell me…Aint gonna lie that girl is grimey…don’t understand why he fuckin with her.” He said shakin his head.

“Pssh…Who you tellin!” I said rollin my eyes and sittin back down.

“Yea she was happy as fuck to fill me in on everythin you had been up to since we broke up…Most of it I didn’t care about and already knew but I will say some of it shocked the shit out of me!” He said lookin at me curiously.

WHAT?

I made another mental note to PUNCH that bitch in the MOUTH next time I saw her!

“Like what?” I said now wantin to know.

“Well for starters I didn’t know you was into bitches and threesomes.” He said raisin his eyebrow.

OH GREAT!

“So…There was a lot you didn’t know about me…That’s what growin together does…You would have known in due time!” I said unapologetic.

“Oh so since you knew Breezy longer you let him turn you out!”  He said in a jealous tone.

THE FUCK?

“Turn me out? You got me fucked up…I’m done with this conversation!” I said standin up again.

“Ok…Ok…That was wrong to say…” he said sighin.

“You damn right…Chris never made me do shit!” I said pacin.

“Just calm down I didn’t mean to push your buttons….Ok.” he said sincerely again.

WELL YOU ALWAYS DO!

“I’m sorry that happened to you tho.” He said quietly.

DON’T

I stopped pacin and looked at him. I was ashamed and I didn’t want to talk about it…especially not with him!

“I couldn’t believe it…I wouldn’t have never let that shit happen..” He said shakin his head again.

“Well it did and you weren’t around.” I said coldly.

“I’m sorry Honey…I’m sorry for everythin…Everythin I ever did to you…for everythin that happened to you…You didn’t deserve any of it.” He said lookin up at me with sadden eyes.

I felt a tug. After all this time…The one thing he had NEVER done was say he was sorry…The one thing I always wanted from him. And here he was genuinely apologizing.

“Why…why now?” I asked softly.

“Cause you grow up…I just started lookin back on a lot of things and I realized I fucked over the best thing I ever had and that’s when it hit me….I never told you I was sorry.” He said sittin up.

“Well thank you…” I said with my mind now racin.

“I just miss my friend and if that’s all you willin to ever give me back one day…Then I will take it.” He said lookin at me pleadingly

I sighed deeply. We were always good as friends…it was definitely a line we shouldn’t have crossed. Even though I still wasn’t sure of his intentions…I decided that I would forgive him.

“I accept your apology and I forgive you but us bein friends will take time.” I said sternly.

“I understand and that’s fine with me.” He said with a nervous smile.

“Ok let’s get to work.” I said walkin towards the studio.

Tryin to get through life not carryin grudges was hard as hell for me…But I figured if I could forgive Chris then why not Trey. I had no intentions of things ever crossin the line again so it actually felt good to take my power back. The feelin of one less thing from my past had a hold on me let me know I was healin….I was gettin stronger! No more worryin…No more bein vulnerable…No more fear…

Time to live…   

“When I don’t have the words…You say the thing I need to hear…You turn my heart away from fear…All I can do…depends on if you are near…”

(Chris POV)

 

Two days had past and things were touch and go…I swear it seemed as though Sweets couldn’t get a break. Even I felt at this point she had to be the unluckiest person I knew. Deep down I just wanted to see her smilin on a beach somewhere…Worry free…Not hurtin…Not bein hurt…No fear…Not wantin for nothin…Just happy. I want so bad to give that to her. I wanted to make her the happiest woman on earth. But life just kept throwin up road blocks. The doctor said that her injuries were not life threatenin but the impact of her SUV hittin the light pole had made her hit the steerin wheel before the airbag deployed. That combined with her anxiety of the chase caused her blood pressure rise and she blacked out. He also said she had some wounds that were consistent with a struggle and that part was trippin me out cause from what Mijo told me nobody was around once him and his homies found her. Mijo also found out that BITCH ASS NIGGA had bailed out of jail a few weeks ago…But he had went to court yesturday for his sentencin. Even though I wasn’t no kind of angel cause my situation…5 years for rape wasn’t long enough! I just couldn’t shake the feelin that he had had contact with her or had somethin to do with this…But I wasn’t gonna get any answers til Sweets came to.

I had had it out with Draya cause she was tired of me bein there for Sweets. But I truly didn’t care about her feelins. I felt bad enough treatin Sweets like I did when we were at the studio but for one I didn’t want to hear Draya’s mouth and for two my feelins were still hurt. I wouldn’t even be puttin up with her if Sweets woulda just said yes. None of this shit would’ve happened and she would be ok right now. But I couldn’t dwell on it…all I wanted was her to be ok and we leave for this tour…Together! Draya was upset about that cause she had went ahead and enrolled in school so now she wouldn’t be able to tour with me. And she didn’t like the fact that Sweets would be with me. Truthfully I was glad she was finally doin somethin positive…but also knew it was only cause she was tryin to keep me and that was a turn off. She also had been initiatin threesomes…Now I wasn’t complainin but honestly they weren’t as special as the ones with Sweets. I found myself doin’em cause well she was bringin the girls home and what I look like not hittin if she was cool with it! But it was all shallow…I wasn’t happy…honestly it was just helpin me past the time…I know that sounds bad but my heart was still torn but the one that had the biggest part didn’t want me and the other one hated me…So what I look like sit around lonely! Even with all the women…My heart had me sittin…Sittin in this hospital room…Waitin…Prayin she open her eyes and be ok. Where I wanted to be….and Draya was gonna have to deal.

“Anythin new bro?” Mijo asked as we stood in the hallway.

“Nah…They still got her sedated.” I said sipin on my Sprite.

“Man if I found out that muthafucka had anythin to do wit this shit…he aint gonna make it to 5 years that’s on me.” He said with flames in his eyes.

 “At this point it coulda been anybody.” I said lookin at the people passin by.

“Yea well it had to be somebody that knew who she was cause she was followed and she was fightin ‘em.” He said shiftin.

“Yea I know that’s what’s trippin me out…like who?” I said shakin my head. “All I know is I ain’t leavin her alone no more…whether she like it or not….I knew she shouldn’t have moved out in the first place!”

“Man you know you can’t stop her hardheaded ass…that’s like fightin with yourself! Ya’ll are the two most stubborn muthafuckas I know and I’mma damn scorpio!” He said laughin slightly.

It made me smile cause we were so much alike…and even though we clashed we just wanted things to be good so we would always compromise and be right back cool again. That’s what I loved…we just couldn’t stay mad at each other. With the life I lived…you couldn’t beat someone that just understood. That’s why I couldn’t let go.

“She something aint she…” I said smilin.

“Ya’ll need to quit bullshittin and gone and make that shit official…You already said she was ya wife!” He said bluntly.

WOW

“You saw her reject a nigga…I just give up man…tryin to prove your love to somebody that refuses to accept it is for the birds…I ain’t tryin no more…” I said matter of factly.

“Nigga then why you here?” He said bluntly again.

Damn.

I didn’t have a comeback….He was right…if I wasn’t tryin …WHY AM I HERE? I knew the answer…but I was tired of gettin shut out too.

“Cause that’s my bestfriend…that’s why.” I said tryin to save face.

“You can lie to yoself ….but don’t try and lie to me.” He said walkin off.

SHIT!

 I went back inside and sat down next to her. I was so tired of seein her in hospital beds…I had to distract myself so I pulled out my notepad and started drawin. I was in my zone when her room door opened and in came Momma and Mommi. They were giggling as usual and Momma was bright red. I figured Mommi was tellin her one of her dirty jokes again.

“Look at our Babeh takin care of mi Babigirl.” Mommi said in her accent.

 “Any change?” Momma said walkin over to me and rubbin my back.

“Nah…just waitin on the doctor to come back with her blood work and I think they gonna wake her up.” I said sighin and lookin over at her.

“I really do tank you Chris for always help her through tings…I love you so much for it.” Mommi said gettin emotional.

 Aw man.

“I do what I can Mommi…don’t cry.” I said getting up and givin her a hug.

“You guys are just so good fo each otha…I just don know why ya’ll can’t get it right.” She said wiping her eyes. Fuck.

“It will just take time and God…I have faith.” Momma said wipin her eyes too.

Aw man I can’t take the tears.

“Ya’ll gotta cut that out…I can’t be cryin…I’m grown now!” I said tryin to lighten their mood and change the subject.

They both laughed.

“Yo not too grown to cry…it’s ok….love makes you cry…and that’s alright.” Mommi said squeezing me tighter. “That’s when yo know it’s real.”

Damn.

I was about to make another joke when the doctor came in. But before he could speak Sweets began to moan. SHE WAS WAKIN UP! I walked over to her and held her hand as she started to move around.

“Looks like I came just in time.” The doctor said walkin over to the other side of her bed.

She kept moanin and then opened her eyes. YES! I squeezed her hand lightly just to calm her and she looked over at me. I waited as a small smile crept up on her face.

I’m here.

The doctor began to ask her questions to make sure she was coherent and I felt my phone buzz. I looked at it: DEANNA. I quickly pushed it to voicemail and put it back. I just wasn’t in that mode right now.

“Well it looks like your CT SCANS and MRI was fine…You just have a slight concussion. All of your internal organs are fine…we have you blood pressure stabilized so your good to go. You will have soreness and possible headaches but we will be prescribin you medication that won’t interfere with your condition.” He smiled and patted her hand.

“So she’ll be fine.” Mommi asked again.

“Yes…So you will be able to go home in the mornin.” He turned to Sweets and said.

She nodded her head slightly.

“How are you feelin right now?” He asked.

“My head hurts and I ache…” She said in a raspy voice.

At this point even her raspy voice was beautiful to hear. I was so happy that she was fine I want to kiss her all over! But I couldn’t…

“Well your blood work looked normal and congrats to you two.” He said closing her chart.

CONGRATS????

“For what?” Me, Sweets, Momma and Mommi all said confused.

“Oh you didn’t know…Your pregnant Ms.Guerra.” He said confused.

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!

“Wha..” I heard Sweets barely say as Momma and Mommi both gasped!

DID HE JUST SAY WHAT THE FUCK I THINK HE SAID!

“Yes…It says right here…your about a month along.” He said lookin at her still confused.

“No…” I heard myself say.

I couldn’t believe it…I felt a searin pain rip through my fuckin body…My head started to spin and I felt like throwin up.

“He…” I stopped and jumped up.

“OH MY GOD NO!” I heard Sweets yell and burst out in tears.

I saw Momma come towards me as I backed up to the wall. I saw Mommi go to Sweets side and hold her as the doctor stood there confused about the whole situation.

“How did dis happenin she is on birt control!” Mommi yelled at the doctor.

“Um…um.” He stuttered as he looked through her chart.

I could see his eyes get wide and his mouth almost drop open. I was guessin he saw that she was raped around that time and he had oh so casually dropped A FUCKIN ATOMIC BOMB ON ALL OF US!

“It says here they took you off of birth control because of it interferin with your BP medications…but advise you to use other forms of contraception until your new birth control took affect… but I also see that you were sexually assaulted and you turned down the Plan B medication suggested to you Ms. Guerra.” He looked at her in terror. “We suggest that because of situations like this.” He explained further.

WHAT???

“You turned it down?” I blurted out in pain.

I saw her look over at me like her world was crashin down around her. I hadn’t once seen her drop a tear since all of this happened but they were there now….SHE IS FUCKIN CARRYIN THAT MUTHAFUCKAS BABY!!!!!

SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

I couldn’t breathe I turned around and punched the wall.

“CHRIS!” Momma yelled and grabbed a hold of me.

“WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TURN IT DOWN!” I yelled out in hurt and frustration.

Why would she do that?

“I DON’T KNOW!…I WASN’T THINKIN STRAIGHT!” I heard her cry out.

“This…I can’t…” I said feelin broken.

I pulled away from Momma grabbed my bag and stormed out the room. SHE CARRYIN THIS NIGGAS BABY! After he violated her he left his seed in her??? FUCK MY LIFE!!!!! FUCK EVERYTHIN…FUCK EVERYBODY AND FUCK LOVE!!!! I HAVE HAD IT!!!

I ran…ran down the hallway tryin to hold back the tears of anger. I turned the corner and bumped into Mijo and Pat!

“Nigga where you goin?” Mijo said confused.

“She…She…She havin his baby man…fuck this shit.” I said about to break.

I wanted to throw up lettin it come out my mouth. My whole body felt like I had been turned inside out and drug across gravel.

I WANT SOMEBODY TO DIE!

“What the fuck!” Mijo and Pat both said.

“I can’t…I gotta…I gotta go…” I said runnin to the elevator pushin the button like crazy.

I JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE!!!

“Aye Breezy…Man I’m comin with you.” Pat said walkin over  and holdin me up.

“She can’t…man…this…this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.” I said feelin the tears drop.

NO!

“Just hold it together man…Come on.” Pat said as he let me step on to the elevator.

When we got down stairs I put on my shades and walked out…I couldn’t believe that the MUTHAFUCKIN PAPS WERE HERE! HOW DID THEY EVEN KNOW???? I wanted to smash every fuckin camera I saw…and if I didn’t have this BULLSHIT hangin over my head I would have done it happily! FUCK OFF!!! I jumped in the back of the SUV as they called out to me and Pat sped off. I threw off my shades and began to cry and punch the back of the seat! THE FUCKIN LOVE OF MY LIFE IS PREGNANT BY A NIGGA THAT RAPED HER!!!

“WHAT THE FUCK!!!!” I yelled as I sat back and cried harder.

Just then I felt my phone buzz. I wiped my eyes and looked at it. DRAYA.

I couldn’t deal with her right now…The way I felt and her mouth would make me have a SERIOUS flashback and I couldn’t afford it! I let it go to voice mail. WHAT THE FUCK IS GONNA HAPPEN NOW? I closed my eyes and wondered the worst thought of all…WAS SHE GONNA KEEP IT? I would never be for havin an abortion and I would never encourage it so I couldn’t even imagine what she was about to face…All I knew was in this situation…I wouldn’t fault her for it…But I didn’t how I would feel if she had it…

I knew one thing I had to get out of LA….I had to clear my mind…If I didn’t I could see myself lashin out at the first muthafucka that said the wrong thing to me…. So I scrolled through my phone and dialed.

“Hello” She purred.

“Meet me at LAX in an hour.” I commanded.

“But-“

“Just be there.” I said hangin up.

I had to escape this pain…I couldn’t bare the thoughts that were shootin through my mind. I didn’t wanna leave her…But the whole thing was suffucatin me. I had too much to deal with already…I just needed to go and forget…even if it was just for a little while…I had to numb this..I had to block it out.

Time to get wasted…

“You’re the baddest thing I seen and Babygirl you make me proud…You make me wanna be your man…I’ll do the best that I can…”

(Chris POV)

 

The next week was pretty rough for Sweets. I had her entire condo packed up and had Janina put it on the market. She had a second one that was actually closer to my spot so we moved all her stuff there. She didn’t feel comfortable bein alone so we made one of our guest rooms hers. I didn’t care how long she stayed…all I knew is I felt a lot better havin her where I could at least watch out for her. I had a battle with Draya over it. She said she understood me bein there for Sweets but it just seemed like everytime somethin went on I would just come in like Sweets knight in shining armor…like I was still her man! I told her that she was either gonna have to deal with it or leave. I wasn’t havin her say shit about Sweets. I was so annoyed by her whining and complainin. She was really mad cause I hadn’t gave her any in almost a week and I wouldn’t give her none when we got up this mornin! I just wasn’t feelin it right now. Or just not feelin HER right now. It seemed like everythin she did got on my last fuckin nerves! I was so happy that it was Saturday and she had to catch a flight back to PA for two weeks… I know…but It was crazy it seemed we got along better when we were apart!   

 By the middle of October I was had got all the dates confirmed for the Fan Appreciation Tour…I had decided that it was gonna kick off in November and I pushed back the release date of Graffiti til December. I wanted to get as much buzz and momentum goin. Sweets had been so much help…between her, Momma, Tina, Auntie Chris, Aunt Kat and TC this would have never came together…I was so humbled by the chance to give TEAMBREEZY a good show! No I didn’t have the big budgets like my other tours and this was definitely gonna be different but I knew I would give them my 150%! They were the reason I had second chance and I couldn’t wait to thank them for it! I was still havin trouble gettin my singles played on the radio regularly. I ain’t gonna lie it hurt me bad. But Momma said that I had to keep pushin and trust in God …and she was right…He didn’t bring me this far to leave me out in the cold. Sweets suggested that I donate some of the sales to a charity so that we could combat the negative press out. I already was a part of Best Buddies and I was so happy when she suggested that….I was down! I also decided that I would donate some of the proceeds to a domestic violence cause…I had visted one of the shelters here in LA called the Jenesse Center. I had gone on a tour and fell in love with the kids and was moved that the women were so exceptin of me knowin what I had done. I just wanted to give back not cause I was ordered to but because I wanted to. I was one of those kids….My Momma was one of those women…I knew their stories and as a person who fell short I was determined to redeem myself as a Changed Man. Show that it was possible not to become your mistake or your history. I wanted the kids to know they didn’t have to make the same mistake as me that they could be better than me and their environment!

By the time Draya got back to LA…I was back into studio mode. Me and Sweets had started writin songs just so she could get things off her mind. I wanted her to release all that shit so it wouldn’t eat her up. She was back to havin nightmares and didn’t want to sleep so we mostly stayed in the studio or go to Dance 1 to practice routines for the tour. But what I was lovin the most was… we would go out at night and find some random wall or bridge and paint. She wasn’t as good with the spray paint but she was gettin better. It was helpin me too. Just to see somethin I was thinkin about up on a wall was so dope! Draya of course didn’t see the purpose or even like the fact that I was spendin most of my time with Sweets. I really didn’t care…Shit I was gonna do whatever I could to make sure Sweets got through this shit ok. She was still battlin and I was fightin hard to keep her from drinkin her hurt away. So the more I could keep her focused on the shit she loved the better! Draya was just gonna have to deal cause I wasn’t gonna stop!

“So we gonna get to be alone tonight?” Draya said walkin up to me in the kitchen.

SHIT

“Uh…yea yea…gotta go to the studio tho.” I said movin away to the cabinet pullin the cheetos down.

“The studio…Come ooon I wanna get wild…shit is been 3 weeks!” She whinned and put her arms around my waist.

“Has it?” I played stupid.

I knew this was comin and well to tell you the truth…I did wanna hit that…but to be honest I wanted Sweets more! I knew I couldn’t keep putting her off tho…shit she was my girl.

“Yes it has and I miss Daddy.” She purred.

“Mmm…How much?” I flirted back and grabbed her ass.

She didn’t say anything…just grabbed my hand and put it under her skirt. DAMN! It turned me on more than I was expectin! She leaned up and kissed my neck. I was gettin into it.

“Oh I’m sorry ya’ll.” I heard Sweets say.

When I looked over at her she had the most shocked and slightly hurt face I had ever seen.

FUCK!

“I was just gonna…” She stopped and quickly walked out.

Damn.

I knew that had hurt her feelins. I shook my head and pulled Draya’s arms off of me and started to go after her.

“Where you goin?” Draya said irritated.

“Gonna check on her.” I shot back.

“Why?…You act like you gotta go explain yourself!” She fired back.

“Look I aint gonna do this with you.” I warned as I went out the kitchen.

“Why don’t you just go fuck her and get it over with already!” She yelled right behind me.

“Keep pushin it and I will!” I turned and gritted out.

“That’s what you wanna do anyway!” She gettin in my face.

“Man watch out.” I said backin up.

“Fuck goin on in here!” Mijo said comin out the den yawnin.

“Ch…She trippin as usual.” I said rollin my eyes.

“Im trippin…you actin like I don’t have a reason! I’m confused…am I your girl or is Sweets?…Cause the way it’s lookin she all you care about!” She said with a shaky voice.

“Now just calm down…You knew that nigga was in love when yo ass tried to steal him from her in the first place.” Mijo said bluntly as he sat on the couch.

WOW

“What?…I aint steal shit!” she fired at Mijo.

“Well you still knew that nigga was in love with her…quit actin brand new…don’t you got a some other nigga to go annoy!” Mijo said laughin.

DAMN!

I laughed…I wasn’t tryin to but all of it was true. Even the part about the nigga!

“Oh so it’s funny to you…Ok you know what I do got somewhere I need to be!” she threatened. OH REALLY?

“Well I’ll holla at cha later then.” I said callin her bluff.

She smacked her lips and grabbed her purse and went for the door.

“See you later babe love ya!” I called out sarcastically and made a kissy sound.

“Kiss my ass!” She said walkin faster.

“No that’s what you wanted me to do but I’m good!” I laughed with Mijo.

“Your such an asshole.” She said lookin back at me before she closed the door.

“Thanks!” I said bein sarcastic again.

I shook my head and laughed. Mijo held out his hand and we touched tatts as I sat down.

“Nigga you burned her.” He said laughin harder. “I actually feel kinda bad for her…nah I’m lyin!” He laughed.

“Man I just ain’t fo those mind games she always tryin to play.” I said shakin my head.

“Well yo ass keep dealin with her.” He said turnin to ESPN.

“Man she is cool but she always tryin to make me kiss her ass and I aint doin it.” I said sittin up.

“Well let her tell it that’s ya specialty.” He said laughin again.

WHAT?

“Fuck you talkin bout?” I questioned.

“Shit nigga you didn’t know?” He said raisin his eyebrow.

“Didn’t know what?” I said confused.

“The last time ya’ll fucked around she was all on her twitter talkin to her homegirl and the home girl said to tell the ass licker she said hi!” He laughed.

WHAT THE FUCK???

“WHAT THE HELL!” I said jumpin up.

“Yea nigga I thought you knew bout that shit!” He said laughin some more.

“HELL NAH I DIDN’T!” I said gettin pissed.

SHE TELLIN MY BUSINESS!

“Yea nigga she always talkin bout ya’ll fuckin…Shit she givin all the scoop!…She run her mouth to damn much for me!” Mijo said shakin his head and lookin back at the TV.

I was pissed…I mean I aint ashamed of nothin I do in the bedroom cause a nigga will admit I’m a freak…but DON’T GO ANNOUNCIN THAT SHIT TO THE WORLD! I deal with enough shit daily…I didn’t need her addin to it! I think I was in shock cause I had never had nobody tell shit! I grabbed my phone and went outside on the patio and called her.

“What you want asshole.” She fired immediately.

“Cut the shit…you been tellin our business on twitter?” I got to the point.

“Wha…What?” She stuttered.

“You heard me…You been tellin your friends I’mma ass licker!” I shot.

“What…no…She just was assumin..I aint tell her nothin.” She lied horribly.

“You lyin…I told you I didn’t want you tellin shit about our relationship…what happens between us is between us! I got enough people lookin for any little thing and You just makin shit worse!” I fired off.

“I swear I haven’t told anythin…I don’t say your name at all…Oh My God!” She acted confused.

“Look you in the public eye now…they gonna pick up on every little thing you say…I aint even mad about the ass shit…I’m just sayin …Don’t talk about us period cause they gonna flip it on you.”

“Chris I swear I haven’t said anything specific about you.”She pleaded.

I looked up and saw Sweets standin on the balcony paintin…so I knew she could hear everythin. Shit. This day was already goin to shit.

“Look I gotta call you back.” I said hangin up frustrated. DAMN!

I quickly went inside. Tey had woke up and was on the couch talkin to Mijo.

“Morinin Bro.” She said.

“Mornin.”  I said runnin up the stairs.

When I got to Sweets door I knocked lightly and held my breath. I didn’t know if she was hurt…pissed or hell both. I didn’t mean to hurt her feelins and I knew she heard what I said to Draya…So I was just hopin she would let me explain.

“Hey” She said openin the door and walkin away.

“Hey…um…what you doin?” I said tryin to feel her out.

“Just finishin this paintin…You ok?” she asked emotionless.

“Yea I’m cool…question is…Are you ok?” I said walkin over to her.

“Yea…” She lied.

Damn.

I watched her as she walked over to the canvas and began paintin again. I knew she was bothered but she wasn’t gonna talk about it.

“About earlier…um-“

“You aint gotta explain…that’s your girl…” She said flatly as she kept brushin the canvas.

“I still wanna apologize.” I said feelin guilty.

“Apologize for what?…You didn’t do anythin.” She said softly

I felt like I had cheated on her…I couldn’t help it I just did…These last 3 weeks we had got so close It just made me feel like it was me and her minus the intimacy. Just holdin her everynight…gettin her threw her nightmares…took me back to the old times. Made me feel everythin I had tried to distract myself from by bein with Draya. I walked over to her hopin she would at least look at me.

“I mean we been so close I just didn’t want you to feel weird…” I said tryin to get my words right.

“Chris I don’t…You have  just been bein a good friend…and that’s all.” She said puttin the brush down.

FRIEND?

“Yea…A good friend…that’s me.” I sighed and put my hands in my pockets.

She finally looked at me and I could see she was readin me. I tried to change the subject.

“So you goin to the studio with me?” I said putting on a slight smile to hide my disappointment.

She didn’t answer she just walked over to me. I stared at her confused. It was crazy cause it all happened in slow motion. She reached up and touched my face with her hand. I swear it sent shock waves down my back. She just stood there and looked at me for a few second before leanin up. I was still in shock but I moved instinctively. She kissed me softly and It made my toes curl! DAMN! I didn’t realize how much I missed her lips til that moment. Somethin inside of me said it wasn’t right tho…it wasn’t the right time…that she wasn’t ready. So I pulled back and sighed.

“What’s…What’s wrong?” She asked soft and nervously.

“Sweets you sure you wanna do that?” I asked her warmly.

I saw her face immediately look embarrassed and ashamed. Damn. I wasn’t tryin to make her feel like that. I just wanted her to make sure she wanted to cross that line.

“Your right…I’m trippin…I’m…I’m sorry…” She said backin up and sittin on the bed.

“No…No…I mean I wanted you to kiss me I just didn’t want you to rush nothin.” I said sittin next to her.

  “I know…I know….I just…Fuck I don’t know how I feel right now.” She said shakin her head. “I shouldn’t have done that…it was wrong…”

“Sweets you aint gotta worry bout that…it’s cool.” I said holdin her hand.

“Im just so…I can’t lie it hurt.” She blurted out closin her eyes.

“What hurt?” I said hopin she wasn’t gonna say what I thought.

“Seein ya’ll like that…I just…wasn’t ready for it…” She said sighin.

I didn’t realize that was the first time she had seen us actually touchin each other. I guess I had tried to keep her from seein it cause I knew it would do exactly what it was doin to her. I knew Draya had figured it out too but I wasn’t tryin to hurt Sweets no more than I had already.

“So that’s why you kissed me.” I questioned.

“Yes and No…” She said lookin at our hands.

“Sweets I want you…I do…but you have been through hell and I aint tryin to hurt you.” I said knowin what was on her mind. “I just want you to be sure your ready.”

“It’s not fair…none of this shit…it’s not fair.” She said standin up.

“Chicks like Draya never get fucked over…they get flew around the world and get whatever they want…End up with the good guys while they fuck the town…And what do I get…Huh?…I get cheated on…I get lied too…I get left for the next new thing…I get used and thrown away like some piece of trash!…I get takin advantage of…I get violated like I’m nothin!” She said gettin emotional.

“I work hard…I’m loyal…I’m chill…I got my own shit…Fuck I can hold any man down that I meet…I can cook…I can clean…and I damn for sure know how to fuck…I’m not ugly so WHY DO I ALWAYS LOSE TO THE TRIFLIN BITCHES!” She yelled out.

Damn.

I didn’t know what to do! I just sat there…I wasn’t sure if I should even speak. My heart was so heavy from guilt that I couldn’t speak. FUCK!

“WHY I GOTTA GET FUCKED OVER!…WHY DID I HAVE TO END UP WITH PSYCHOS WHEN THE ONE MAN THAT IS MADE FOR ME FALLS FOR THE BITCH I LET IN OUR BEDROOM!”

That hurt.

“I know?…It’s my fault…I just keep believin this fairytale…This bullshit ass dream that I’m actually gonna be happy one day! I just gotta face it…It’s not real!” She said goin over to her paintin pickin it up and smashin it on her knee.

SHIT!

“Sweets what are you doin.” I said jumpin up and grabbin it.

She had been workin on that paintin for a week…It was beautiful and she just smashed it!

“That’s how I feel…Just some beautiful picture that has a big ass whole in it that nobody wants.” She said brushin her hair back and pacin.

“Sweets you gotta calm down.” I said puttin the paintin down and walkin up to her grabbin her face. “I want you!”

“Chri-“

I stopped her by kissin her deep. I wanted to show her she was still beautiful to me…that I didn’t care about anybody else she was always my first choice…that I didn’t just want to be her friend no more…that I was still in love with her. Touchin her lips made crave her. But I was scared…I didn’t want to hurt her. But my body wanted her so bad that my head started spinnin. Our hands were all over each other…I could feel she needed this…to feel wanted. We fell back on to the bed and I was ready. I slid my hands under her shirt as our tongues continued to fight.

“Hey Sweets can I borr-…Whoa!” We heard Tey say as we jumped and I fell on the floor. Ouch!

DAMN TEY!

“Uh…Sorry I didn’t know you was in here bro.” She said smilin slyly. “But um I’m gonna go… ya’ll carry on.”

“Uh Nah…I’m…I’m gonna go.” I said gettin up tryin to nonchalantly adjust Monsta. SHIT!

“No…No….Ya’ll need this…hell I need this!…Don’t worry if that bitch come back  far as she know you at the studio!” Tey said backin up out the door.

“Tey!” I called as she closed the door.

I slowly looked over at Sweets who was actually gigglin. WHAT’S SO FUNNY?

“What?” I asked.

“You looked like you got busted by Mama!” She said laughin slightly and sittin down.

“Hey…You jumped up too!” I said smilin.

“But your face was classic…haven’t seen that in a long time…” She said laughin lightly

“Sweets I know I haven’t been perfect to you…but all this just friend shit obviously isn’t workin.” I said sittin on the bed

“I know..” She said sighin.

“So what do you want to do about it…I mean you the one that put us in the friendzone.” I said.

“Chris I honestly don’t know what I want…I’m just feelin so many things…I want us back…then again I feel like we still got growin to do separately….then with this happenin to me… I’m so angry…I don’t know if I can trust anyone again and that’s not fair to you.” She said with a shaky voice. “It could get ugly.”

Damn.

“I understand.” I said simply feelin frustrated.

I knew things were gonna change…but I don’t know what else to do…Everytime I walk out on that ledge to show her I want her…she runs away…I’m just gonna fall back…again.

“Do you?” She asked lookin at me.

“Yea…you know what I’m gonna go get dressed and um…if you want to come to the studio with me just be ready in like 20.” I said changin the subject hidin  my once again brokenheart.

“Oh…ok…” She said lookin confused.

“Aight .” I said gettin up and walkin out.

FUCK!

I was so frustrated with this circle we kept dancin around in! Either you want it or you don’t…but stop torturin me and yourself! I screamed at her in my head. I knew she wasn’t ready and that’s why I held back…but she couldn’t keep faultin me for dealin with Draya when she couldn’t make up her mind!

STUDIO FLOW

Once we got to the Studio…Bow and O was already there workin on a song with Pleasure. I was kinda thrown off when me, Mijo, Tey, Moe, Pat and Sweets walked in and Draya was already there doin a little dance with some girl as everybody watched.

WHAT THE HELL?

I was so over this shit. It seemed like she was doin any and everythin to get a reaction out of me and I just wasn’t havin it! What she didn’t seem to get was that the more she pushed the more I was gonna pull away…So tryin to make me jealous and playin mind games was gonna get her cut off. I could tell her ass was drunk and she was even more whiny and obnoxious so I immediately had my guard up.

“What up you ugly bastard.” I said to Bow and dapin him

“What up you high yellow punk.” Bow fired back laughin and shakin his head in Draya’s direction.

“What Up Shad.” Tey and Moe said givin him a hug.

“What Up Tey..What up Moe.”

“What up you fat ass nigga!” Bow said dappin Mijo.

“Nigga fuck you I still get bitches.” Mijo said bluntly.

“Nigga always talkin bout gettin some bitches…well there go some over there.” Bow said pointin to the group of girls Draya was dancin with.

“Don’t mind if I do!” Mijo said walkin over to the girls.

O finally moved away from Draya’s direction cause she was now tryin to grind up on him.

“Aye…Aye…Back up!” I heard O said holdin his hand out to stop her.

“What? We just dancinn…Shit not liike we fuckin…yoou not evenn my typpe O.” She blurted out and stumbled.

GOD DAMMIT!

“Aye Man…Get yo girl she sloppy right now.” O said walkin up to me and dappin me. “She been on one for hours.”

“Damn it’s too early to be that fucked up!” Bow said shakin his head. “Sis! Aw come here.” I heard Bow say givin Sweets a hug.

“Hey Shad…Hey O.” She said barely crackin a smile as she watched Draya.

“Hey Sis…How you been?” O said givin her a hug.

“I’m been good.” She said still locked on Draya.

AW SHIT!

“Do somethin bout ha.” Moe said twistin up her face.

I sighed cause it seemed that everybody was annoyed by her. So I finally walked over.

“What the hell you doin drunk in the middle of the afternoon?” I asked tryin not to show my irritation.

“Cause I felt like it…Why does it matter?” She said continuin to dance.

“You know what fuck it embarrass yoself…I got work to do.” I said walkin away.

I could see all eyes on me as I went to the program table. I pulled out my laptop and plugged it up…I was determined to block her out…I had other shit on my mind then worryin bout her tryin to piss me off.

“Hey ya’ll what ya’ll standin over there for come have a drink with me.” Draya said loudly to Tey, Moe and Sweets.

WRONG THING TO DO

I saw Moe roll her eyes as went to sit by Mijo… Sweets walked over to the program table with Tey right behind her. Don’t know whay she think they like her. I looked over at Draya who just waved them off and sat down.

“Bro for real?…She is too turn up…I just can’t.” Tey said smack on some skittles as usual.

“I know but she makin a fool of herself not me.” I said nonchalantly. “Aye where ya’ll at on the song.” I said to Bow.

“Me and P already did our verses and doubles we just need yours and you to do that chorus.” He said lettin one of the girls sit on his lap.

“Aight.” I said

I already knew the verse I was gonna put down and after what happened with me and Sweets this mornin the words were so perfect…Maybe she would get a hint! I went in the booth and laid the verse down in two takes then wrapped on the chorus after 3 times. When I came out the booth I saw the irritated face that Draya had so I knew she must have heard the playback. I looked at Sweets and she smiled slightly at me and looked back down at her laptop. SHE GOT IT.

I hit playback on the chorus:

“Baby I’m on you like a tattoo

Teacher off in classroom

 He is not me

We are not the same

And if I can’t see your face then

I might just get wasted

And I don’t even drink alcohol”

“But Babygirl I

I can’t let you go

I can’t let you go

I can’t let you go

I can’t let you go

Never let you go

I can’t let you go

Never lettin go

Never lettin go.”

When I stopped it and let it play all the way through. Draya jumped up and walked up to me.

“We need to talk.” She said shootin a glare at Sweets.

“Fuck we gotta talk bout…I told you I’m workin gon wit that shit Dray.” I said lookin back at my laptop.

SLAM!

I looked at her like she lost her damn mind cause she slammed my laptop closed.

“WHAT THE HELL!” I said feelin flames cause she was showin out.

“I said we need to talk!” She demanded.

Before I knew it Moe had flew over and pushed her into the program table!

DAMN!

I couldn’t even react before Moe was punchin her in her face. All I could see was arms flyin and Draya bein pulled to the ground. Moe was on top of her and Draya was tryin to swing and screamin! I stood there for a minute before I saw Pat snatch Moe off of her and I grabbed Draya.

“FUCK YOU DIKE BITCH!” Draya yelled.

“THAT’S OK THIS DIKE BITCH FUCKED YOU UP!…I TOLD YOU FUCK WIT HIM AGAIN!” Moe yelled from Pat’s arms.

I wanted to laugh so hard cause she had it comin. I looked over at Sweets and she was now standin with her fist balled up.

AW SHIT!

I knew I had to get Draya out of there cause I saw Tey fly near Moe’s side. FUCK! I picked Draya up and began to carry her out of the studio as she kept tryin to swing and kick in Moe’s direction.

“IMMA FUCK YOU UP YOU UGLY ASS JEALOUS BITCH!” Draya continued to talk shit as I got her out the studio door.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” I yelled as I got her down the hallway and finally let her go.

“FUCK YOU CHRIS!…YOU NEED TO CONTROL THAT GREMILN! She yelled. “BITCH HIT ME IN MY FACE! I GOT A SHOOT IN TWO DAYS!” She paced.

I could already see it…she had a black eye and a busted lip and I think her nose was swellin too. YIKES! I felt bad for her then again I didn’t cause she had it comin!

“You need to calm yo ass down…You always runnin ya damn mouth!” I fired at her.

“IM SO SICK OF YOU SAYIN THAT!…THIS IS ME!…I’M NOT CHANGIN FOR NOBODY!” She continued to yell.

“I GOT YA GREMILN YOU RAT LOOKIN BITCH!” I heard Moe yell from the door as Mijo held her back and was laughin.

“FUCK YOU!” Draya tried runnin towards her but I grabbed her.

“I don’t think you want that!” I warned and pulled her towards the main door.

“LET ME FUCKIN GO…I’M FUCKIN TIRED OF YOUR SHIT!”

SLAP!

It took me a minute before I realized that she had slapped me in my face….I instantly had a flashback…It shook me so I slowly backed up. I didn’t even get a chance to respond cause down the hallway came Sweets out of nowhere! She tackled Draya and they hit the wall. Sweets was hittin her so fast I don’t think Draya got one punch off! Sweets was poundin her as Pat came flyin down the hallway and grabbed up Sweets.

“SWEETS NO!” I heard Pat say as he carried her back.

“LET ME GO PAT!…TOUCH HIM AGAIN BITCH AND THAT’S YOUR LIFE! FUCK WIT IT!” I heard Sweets say in the evilest tone ever.

SHE MEANT THAT SHIT!

I was in shock cause this time Draya didn’t say anythin she just looked at Sweets with her eyes huge and holdin her now bleedin nose.

“Oh My God…You all are fuckin nuts!” She said tryin to get off the ground as the crowd from the studio made it to where we were.

When she finally stood up she began to cry…I felt a slight tug but it didn’t last long.

“You a piece of shit…Gonna let them bitches jump me…You fuckin bastard..I want my PURSE!” She yelled at me.

“What?” I said confused that she was even comin at me like I set her up!

“WATCH YO MOUTH OR IMMA SHUT YOU UP!” Sweets yelled from Pat’s hold.

“AYE BITCH YOU WANT YA PURSE! COME GET YO SHIT!” Tey yelled while Mijo blocked her as she held up Draya’s purse.

“I want my fuckin purse so I can go.” She began to cry and hold her nose.

Shit.

“Give me the purse Tey.” I said walkin over to her.

“Nah CB…She need to come get it…You aint kissin her ass…Fuck that!…DONT BE SCARED NOW BITCH! Tey yelled to Draya.

“Man give me this damn purse and go sit ya loud ass down!” Bow said snatchin the purse from Tey and givin it to me.

“Fuck you Shad!” Tey said rollin her eyes.

I walked over and gave her the purse and she pushed past me and damn near ran out the main doors. I felt bad tho…I didn’t want to see her get her ass whooped but they was just defendin me…The shit had been buildin up. I still couldn’t believe the bitch slapped me! If I wasn’t takin the anger management class who knows what coulda happened! I just shook my head and walked towards Sweets who was still visibly pissed and starin at the door hopin she could get an openin and go after her.

NO MORE!

I stood in front of her breakin her trance. When she looked up at me her eyes softened and she touched the stingin part of my cheek so gently.

“I can’t be around her no more…I’m not livin this shit over again with you…so if you gonna keep dealin with her…I’m gone.” Was all she said as she turned to walk back to the studio.

Damn.

I felt stuck. She was basically tellin me it was her or Draya. She had never made me choose before. EVER! My mind started racin…One minute she didn’t want to be with me now she want me to choose between her and my girl? HOW DOES THAT WORK!

“Wait… So do you want to be with me or not?” I asked holdin her arm.

I could hear everybody hold their breath like it was the question they were all waitin for. She sighed deeply and pulled her arm away.

“I can’t.”

My heart exploded…